Catholics Cough Up Abuse Dough

Holy Smokes!

Playing God sure can get expensive. The Roman Catholic Archdiocese of Los Angeles has agreed to a record-setting, jaw-dropping $660 million pay out for over 500 abuse victims. The settlement stems from a 2002 lawsuit in which hundreds of victims took advantage of the lift of a one-year statute of limitations.

In addition to the payoff, which will be raised through property sales, the Church agreed to release documents detailing the holy men’s attempts to cover their tracks. One of the cases main lawyers, Ray Boucher, told the press, “Transparency is a critical part of this and of all resolutions.” In addition to empty therapy, the Church moved priests and layman to new locations, rather than firing them.

And right wing Christians think gays are evil?

Doing a bit of damage control, Cardinal Roger Mahony apologized,

I have come to understand far more deeply than I ever could the impact of this terrible sin and crime that has affected their lives. There really is no way to go back and give them that innocence that was taken from them. The one thing I wish I could give the victims… I cannot.

Once again, I apologize to anyone who has been offended, who has been abused. It should not have happened, and it will not happen again.

If only that were true.

Though the settlement’s certainly a huge amounts of money, some of the victims claim they’ll never heal. 47-year old Steven Sanchez laments the loss of his childhood, “Where can you take that check and cash it that will make you 10 years old again?” Unfortunately, such a service doesn’t exist.