Homo For The Holidays: Queerty’s Essential Thanksgiving Survival Kit

For many Americans, Thanksgiving means coming face-to-face with all your fears, insecurities and failures, i.e. your family. Being queer can certainly add fuel to that familial firepit, but buck up, kids! Queerty’s here to help you get through Turkey Day with your wits—and the top button of your pants—intact. When packing for your reluctant trip home, make sure to add these essentials to ensure you return in one piece, more or less.



Nothing says “Happy Holidays” like getting three sheets to the wind with your favorite spinster aunt—the one everyone says has a drinking problem, but you know just likes to have funs. Cut to dessert: Mom’s face-down in the Jell-O, dad’s yelling at the shadows on the wall and you and Auntie Maimed are crying over Downton Abbey.


The worst part about going home is missing out on all the Thanksgiving tail flooding into your gayborhood. The best part about going home? Capitalizing on all the Thanksgiving tail flooding back into your old stomping grounds.

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  • 1EqualityUSA

    oh, wow. This is the brand that had me give up alcohol back in 1985. I came home drunk on Wild Turkey and screwed up a painting into which I had put six months of my life. When I woke up and saw how screwed it was, I gave up drinking that day. Twenty eight years later, who would have thought that a turkey could have so much influence. I did have an aunt that drank, as well. The reasons compiled. Waiting until it became insurmountable seemed dire. No regrets. Have a beautiful T.G. Queertiers. Remember, sugary drinks give you the worst hangovers. Apricot brandy, no.

  • toren123

    With me it was Canadian rye. Well I am a Canuck! To this day I can’t even stand the smell of it. But a Bombay Sapphire classic martini with a whisper of Noilly Prat vermouth, and I can get through any family Thanksgiving. Well maybe two of those classics!

  • the other Greg

    My family doesn’t drink. No wonder I never go there!

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