A Nicaraguan man named Alvaro Antonio Orozco will be deported from Canada for failing to convince immigration official Deborah Lamont he’s gay. Of course you’re wondering, “How can you prove you’re gay?” Well, unless you’re a huge flaming queer, you really can’t, but apparently no one told that Lamont, who doubts the validity of Orozco’s claims because he wasn’t sexually active as a teenager. Her ruling reads:
I found the claimant’s many explanations unsatisfactory for why he chose not to pursue same-sex relationships in the U.S. as he alleged it was his intention to do so and he wanted to do so…he is not a homosexual…and fabricated the sexual orientation component to support a non-existent claim for protection in Canada.
Hmmm, it seems to us they could figure it out quite easily, ie: lock him in a room with six attractives and see what happens. If he gets down on his knees, he stays. If not, he goes. That’s how we figure out whether someone’s worth keeping around…
(To the right you see an artist’s rendition of what Orozco would need to look like to prove his sissy status.)