local solutions

How to Clamp Down on Public Park Cruising? Attack Dogs


The city of Marietta, outside of Atlanta, had a problem getting citizens to quit smoking in public parks, where the risk of forest fires (and tarnishing America’s children) outweighed concerns about smokers’ rights. So the city council passed an ordinance banning anyone from lighting up. But what to do about another problem plaguing public parks? You know, the one where men are having sex with other men in the bushes? Solution: Train attack dogs to go after these guys. Yes, this is a solution offered by a syndicated newspaper columnist.

Dick Yarbrough, who is often cranky, notes “Councilman Van Pearlberg is talking about banning dogs from the park.”

But:” That is a bad idea. With a little instruction, dogs could be taught to severely dislike the gay lovers in Burruss and Wildwood [parks] and bite them in the fanny and do what City Council should have done years ago – chase them off to Atlanta where they belong.”

Next: Get ’em to “severely dislike” blacks and Hispanics! Finally the parks will be cleansed of all disgusts!