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HOMO FOR THE HOLIDAYS

How To Come Out Over Christmas—And Disarm Holiday Homophobia—In Six Easy Steps

By Evan Mulvihill December 23, 2011 at 2:32pm
  Spending time with family over the holidays is a double-edged sword. One the one hand—presents! On the other, we often have to face awkward questions, uncomfortable silences or even downright hostility when it comes to the “gay thing.” So we’ve cobbled together a quick-and-easy guide to surviving family time over the Christmas holiday weekend. It might even warm Aunt Betty’s homophobic heart! Image via JoleenieWeenie
  Coming Out to Mom and Dad The holidays are a great time to come out to your family—just ask YouTube sensation Davey Wavey! Better yet,  show your folks this video. They’ll get the hint that the guy you’ve been bringing to Christmas dinner for the past seven years isn’t just your “roommate.” It’s a studio apartment, Ma!
  Fending Off Your Religious Relatives   Say hey to the fundamentalist fannies in your clan by gifting them Ready to Answer: Why “Homophobic Church is an Oxymoron. Lesbian minister Marilyn Bowens (above left), who was allowed to bring her children from a heterosexual marriage to holiday gatherings but not her current girlfriend, calls on the Church to stop focusing on a few homophobic verses from Leviticus and embrace the bigger picture of love and inclusiveness. She tells ABC News:
“You don’t have to understand. You don’t have to approve. You don’t have to ‘condone.’ Just love your child, and be open to the possibility of growing to love someone else who loves your child. Next holiday season, give your son or daughter what Jesus will give him or her for Christmas (and every other day)—unconditional love. Just be like Jesus. He is, after all, the one whose birth we celebrate.”  
Getting Your Family To Support The Gay Agenda Now that your parents know you’re gay, hook their emotional side with Zach Wahls’ tender viral video. If they don’t warm up after that, well, they’re just made of stone.
  Teaching Them About Gay Culture First, innocently ask them to watch “Sh*t Girls Say“—or wait until that cousin who always makes everyone watch YouTube videos suggests it. Follow it up with “Sh*t Gay Guys Say and explain to them how gay guys are just like straight girls. If your fam is ready for the advanced lesson, turn them on to “Sh*t Southern Gay Guys Say.” Just be prepared to explain who Julia Sugarbaker is.  

Taking the Family on a Gay Field Trip After everyone’s had their fill of ham, presents and football games, there’s often a lull on Christmas Day—the perfect time to suggest a jaunt over to your favorite gay watering hole for a holiday cocktail. But there could be some unintended consequences, especially if your brother starts stuffing dollar bills in the go-go boy’s underwear. Afterward, come home and drunkenly watch The A-List Dallas reruns. (Like everyone else, yYour mom will be smitten with Levi).

gay-christmas

Encouraging Your Relatives To Buy You Gay-Themed Gifts

Now that your fam is super-comfortable with your sexuality, they can do some last-minute shopping for queer-as-hell stocking stuffers. Say, a West Village merman ornament, a pink iPhone case or even a rainbow monkey knit cap. Just make sure you get the receipts.

Photo via Kevin Dooley

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6 Comments*

  • timncguy

    what the hell are “one the one hand – presents” ?????

  • Marie Cohn

    Don’t try it in a moving vehicle when you’re picked up at the airport.

  • JAW

    picture 7 had the caption…. “Encouraging Your Relatives To Buy You Gay-Themed Gifts”

    For most families in the know… that would mean… anything from Martha Stewart

    LOL…. MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERY ONE!!!

  • bagooka

    Merry X-mas, everyone.

  • Thrutch

    I get excited everytime is see one of these, only to be disapointed Some of us actually need survival guides,

  • Fitz

    @Thrutch: Here’s your survival guide, which was given to me when I was probably 8 or 9 by my Austrian Grandmother; “Don’t go where you aren’t welcome”. Ta da.

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