Biblical Style

How To Get Kim Davis’ Signature Look

Screen shot 2015-09-09 at 5.05.05 PMLike it or not, Kim Davis is now a household name. The antigay Rowan County clerk is the new face of the Christian right in America. But while everyone’s been busy talking about the 49-year-old Born Again homophobe’s refusal to follow the rule of law, we thought we’d turn our attention to a previously neglected topic: Her personal style.

Related: Kim Davis’ Marriage History Explained In One Handy Flowchart

Davis is nothing if not unwavering. Whether it’s defying court orders, praising Jesus, taking on another in a line of husbands, or denying marriage licenses to same-sex couples, who are, by definition, marrying for the first (not fourth) time, she commits herself 400 percent. This also includes her Apostolic sense of fashion. In case you haven’t noticed, she pretty much wears the same outfit every day, with only slight variations in color and pattern. Clearly she’s found a look that works for her and so she’s stickin’ to it!

Here are some easy breezy tips on how you can get Kim Davis’ signature look…

The graphic T

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A graphic T with a low cut (but not too low cut) neckline is a great way to feel comfortable and express your ideology and personalty all in one fell swoop. Fashionista’s frown upon wearing labels, but the “Jesus” brand never really goes out of style. (At least until, we assume, he returns for the rapture.)

The thermal

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Temperature control can be a real issue in government office buildings, especially in the Deep South, even for the most cold-blooded of county clerks. A neutral-colored, cotton/spandex blend long-sleeved undershirt worn beneath the graphic T keeps you cozy (not to mention completely covered!) when the air conditioning is on full blast.

The maxi skirt

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A conservative, ankle-length maxi skirt is a must. Preferred fabrics are jersey knit, floral print, or stretch denim. We’re not able to see her labels, so we don’t know if she is violating the Old Testament prohibition on mixed fabrics, but it’s pretty obvious she’s not a devotee of great natural fabrics. Davis prefers the cheap, synthetic, made-by-children-in-China look. And nothing too form-fitting or hip-hugging either. Remember, the goal is a genuinely prim & pious appearance. Attractive but not sexy in that sinful “fuck me I’m sexy” sort of way.

The shoes2133552_White_AquaA tasteful pair of basic athletic shoes with good arch support makes digging in your heels when it comes to refusing marriage licenses to same-sex couples much more effective, not to mention comfortable.

The glasses

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Three words: Leopard print eyeglasses. Anything other than that is an abomination.

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Of course, no Kim Davis look would be complete without a single braid down the center of the back, a timeless metaphor for the thrice-divorced mother of two’s multi-layered marital history, which includes one affair and two marriages to the same man.

The scrunchie

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Complete your look with a scrunchie. It’s a fun way to add a pop of color to any outfit, and it tells the world: “My personal style, like my political beliefs, is stuck in 1991” or, perhaps going back before manufacturing, Biblical times.