FAITH HEALING

How To Make Dead Mormons Homosexual In Two Easy Steps!


The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints recently apologized for posthumously baptising Holocaust victims, but they still continue to drag other unwilling corpses into the faith. Well some  thought if they can turn us into Mormons, we can convert them to homosexuality.

Go to AllDeadMormonsAreNowGay.com and enter the name of a deceased Mormon. With a click of a button, they’ll become a card carrying fag or dyke!

Sadly, many Mormons throughout history have died without having known the joys of homosexuality. With your help, these poor souls can be saved.

Simply enter the name of your favorite dead Mormon* in the form below and click Convert! Presto, they’re gay for eternity. There is no undo.

It’s a shame we can’t convert live Mormons into the gay way—there are some cute missionaries we’d love to have some alone time with.

Photo: Frontiers magazine

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20 Comments

  • JayKay

    The class and elegance of the left on display yet again.

  • Wyrdo

    @JayKay: If you don’t understand satire, try to similarly avoid sarcasm.

  • Right Is Right

    @JayKay:
    You got that right, pal.
    @Wyrdo:
    So, is it also “satire” when a religious group decries homosexuality? Can you explain how come it is that when someone bad-mouths us, it’s a hate-crime, but when we bad-mouth others, it’s a noble act of courage?

  • Wyrdo

    @Right Is Right:

    Weak trolling, 5/10. You had the huffy, martyr complex down, but failed to stick the landing- real crazies don’t call what they do “bad mouthing.” I realize it’s Monday though, so get some more coffee and try again.

  • Brandon

    Awe come on guys don’t get your panties in a twist. It is funny. I was Mormon and my
    Mormon family was fine with this. Right is right-Really? Maybe study up on satire and
    you won’t have to ask inane questions. They are using satire to point out hypocrisy in
    a situation that is touchy to both Holocaust survivors and those of the LDS faith.
    LDS don’t see how baptizing Jews who were persecuted for their lack of Christianity into a Christian faith is offensive. So they shouldn’t find this offensive either, and if they do maybe they will think twice before submitting names. Great way to get everyone to lighten up about the scenario.

  • Brandon

    Also why does Right is right think becoming gay is a bad thing? If I could I’d make the whole world gay because same sex sex is awesome! LOL

  • Bekka

    Real easy, I converted 4 dead Mormons to gay, this weekend
    So now Joseph Smith, Mitt Romney Sr. (the deceased dad of the candidate),
    and George & Olive May Osmond (parents of Donnie & Marie) are offically
    gay!!!!

  • Ray

    @Right Is Right: You aren’t “us”. You are a lap dog for the hate mongers that oppress the real us. So fuck off to a GoProud meeting and work on re-criminalizing homosexuality. This website is for us.

  • JayKay

    @Ray:

    But remember everyone, conservatives are the REAL intolerant hatemongers.

  • Hyhybt

    I understand satire… but if it’s wrong for Mormons to do it, it’s wrong to do it TO Mormons. Even in jest.

  • Wyrdo

    @Hyhybt:
    If it’s wrong for Mormons to do it, it’s OK to point out the fact that what they’re doing is offensive. Of course, they already knew that, since they agreed to stop the practice in 1996, but apparently it’s not a huge concern of the church. Unlike say, pushing a political agenda in California.

  • cwm

    I helped convert a living closeted Mormon to an “out” and proud gay man. not on an 4uckin web site, tho

  • tookietookie

    @Brandon: Actually, they do see how it is offensive. In typical fashion though, they just don’t care.

  • Dallas David

    lol . . .

    My best friend in the USAF was a Mormon. He was straight, but very supportive.
    He tried to explain Mormon theology, but when he got to the bit about the talking salamander, I said, “You must be kidding.” We had a good laugh, and left the subject there.
    He eventually married a woman with a few children, and moved to Idaho where he’s living happily ever after. Nice fellow.

  • Hyhybt

    @Wyrdo: None of which contradicts what I said.

  • B

    Re No. 13 – about “the talking salamander” … seems it was a hoax:
    http://www.exmormon.org/mormon/mormon322.htm . In this case, the hoax
    allegedly fooled the Mormon hierarchy, which first bought it and then
    realized they were duped and had to back out without looking foolish.

  • Eddie

    @Hyhybt: Here’s the thing though…we’re not doing anything to Mormons. You can’t actually make them gay by submitting their names online, or placing their names on a gay list. Trust me. The functioning of the site is not to legitimize the practice, but rather to draw attention to the fallicies in that line of thinking.

  • Hyhybt

    @Eddie: The site does as much to make people gay as the baptisms to do to turn them Mormon.

  • Steve

    Can we “convert” a live Mormon? I nominate Mitt Romney.

    Does he have to be Mormon? How about Rick Santorum?

  • Ted B. (Charging Rhino)

    Two steps, ehh?

    Step-1; Invite the hunky (or tweebie) Mormon missionary into your home.
    Step-2; Invite him to take-off all his clothes….

Comments are closed.