How to Make the Tiger Woods Sex Scandal a Gay Story? Start Rumors Rachel Uchitel Is a Lez

Woods Accident

Christmas Eve — or Nittel Nacht, to some — is basically a wash around Queerty HQ. But one thing we did not want to wake up to was rumors that Rachel Uchitel, Tiger Woods’s original mistress, is a pregnant lesbian. Ugh.

Luckily, the rumors — which we didn’t even hear until Uchitel issued a denial — are false! Relays

When several reports surfaced that Rachel Uchitel was both pregnant and (if you can believe this) a lesbian, we asked her to set the record straight.

“I am not pregnant!” Rachel declared to EXCLUSIVELY of several reports from this morning, Dec. 22, that she was “freaking out” because she was two weeks late, and that rumored paramour Tiger Woods was the baby daddy.

Rachel’s power attorney Gloria Allred is also quick to dismiss these claims. “Rachel is not pregnant,” she reiterates to “Rumors to the contrary are false.”

Whew. Glad The Gays avoided adding this (alleged!) homewrecker to our team.