Huckabee’s Got The God Question

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The GOP had quite the God question on their hands last night. And former preacher man Mike Huckabee hit it out of the park.

A presumably pious young man named Joseph asked the Republican candidates whether they believed every word of “this book”. Said book, of course, was The Holy Bible. The King James version, actually. Anderson Cooper threw the question to Giuliani first. The former New York City mayor and known adulterer claimed to read the “interpretive”, “allegorical” book on a regular basis. Jesus rolled over in his grave. We rolled our eyes, saying, “Yeah, in a motel room.”

Mormon Mitt Romney waffled a bit. He obviously held back, saying, “You know -[about three seconds]- yes, I believe it’s the word of God. The Bible is the word of God.” Our theory: he objected to the King James version, which neglects to mention that Jesus came to America: a central Mormon theme.

While Giuliani and Romney’s respective responses gave us a laugh, it’s former Arkansas Governor Mike Huckabee who really deserves the praise. The Southern Baptist whipped out quite the mindful musing. We’ve trimmed it down to the more accessible bits:

…The fact is that when people ask do we believe all of [the Bible] you either believe it or you don’t believe it. But in the greater sense…the part that says “Go and pluck out your eye,” well, none of us believe that we ought to go pluck out our eye. That obviously is allegorical.

But the Bible has some messages that nobody really can confuse and really not left up to interpretation. “Love your neighbor as yourself.”… Until we get those simple, real easy things right, I’m not sure we ought to spend a whole lot of time fighting over the other parts that are a little bit complicated.

…There are parts of it I don’t fully comprehend and understand, because the Bible is a revelation of an infinite god, and no finite person is ever going to fully understand it. If they do, their god is too small.

We may not all believe in Huckabee’s holy one – or the Bible – but who can disagree that you shouldn’t love your neighbor? Well, unless they’re really horrid. But, in the end, it’s the thought that counts, right?

Regardless, it’s Huckabee’s last bit that’s real: no one man can claim to know “God”. That’s definitely one Republican step above Bush, who thinks he is God.

No wonder Chuck Norris endorses the Huckster.