A 34-year-old heterosexual man is freaking out after he accidentally touched his co-worker’s erection during an orgy, so he’s seeking counsel from the advice columnist at his local newspaper.
“Dear Doc,” the letter begins, “I am a guy who has had a really unpleasant and shocking experience.”
The man explains, “I let another guy at work persuade me to arrange a foursome, involving our wives and ourselves.”
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After hammering out the details, the swingers agreed to meet that Saturday for an evening of drinks, snacks and recreational lovemaking.
“We had a few drinks and some snacks, which they had prepared, then we got down to business,” the man writes. “Everybody took off their clothes … The next two hours were a bit of a blur. I know that I penetrated the other woman several times, though I took care not to orgasm. I also remember seeing my colleague having intercourse with my wife for quite a long time.”
Then, at around 10 p.m., all four of them “piled into a heap on the bed” for an orgy.
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“There were all kinds of things going on,” he recalls. “However, suddenly something dreadful happened.”
As the two husbands were pleasuring one of the wives, they briefly rubbed up against each other.
“To my horror, my genitals accidentally touched the other guy’s,” the man writes. “I was disgusted by that, so I pulled away. I lost my erection immediately. In fact, I went outside and was sick.”
He adds: “The worst thing was that just after all this, I think he orgasmed.”
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The man says as a result he “felt terrible” and left “as soon as possible.” Since then he has been “depressed” and very “unhappy.”
The man now has three questions:
1. Does this most unfortunate contact indicate that my colleague is secretly a homosexual?
2. Or am I perhaps secretly gay?
3. Could I have caught anything from the other guy?
Thankfully, the “Doc” breaks everything down for the guy.
“I do not believe for a moment that you are ‘secretly gay’,” the Doc writes. “To put it mildly, your entire story seems to be highly heterosexual.”
As for the other guy being “secretly homosexual,” that, too, seems unlikely seeing as how “this was obviously an accidental contact.”
Also, the chances that the man “caught anything” from the brief encounter are also slim, though there is a possibly his wife has “germs in her vagina,” which she may want to be tested for.
“My advice: Talk to your wife about what happened. Stop worrying. If you are still having these ‘low’ feelings, see a counsellor,” the Doc writes. The he adds with just the slightest touch of moral superiority, “And, please, do not do a foursome ever again!”
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Leon Duguay
BA HA HA FUNNY as if!!
Bob Ashworth
Just go with the flow.
GC1985
Lol sounds like a lovely stable marriage. Not.
I am pretty sure the wife is banging other guys.
avesraggiana
Oh, get over yourself. And the other guy too. Your dicks touched. You felt like getting sick, the other guy got turned on. Big deal.
Chris-Tyler Young
Steven Burr
WTF??!! Get a life
Alexis Barros
This guy is an idiot. If he’s that repulsed by accidentally brushing against/touching another mans penis, then next time make sure other men aren’t involved in your orgies. His questions were beyond juvenile and ludicrous. He has he thought process of 9 year old.
Manny Yoko
/ HEY DUDE …. GO FOR IT !!
Xzamilio
“A 34-year-old heterosexual man is freaking out after he accidentally touched his co-worker’s erection during an orgy, so he’s seeking counsel from the advice columnist at his local newspaper.”
Yeah… touching the other guy’s wiener is the least of this moron’s problem… I hope they printed his real name.
Scot Walker
What a ignorant dumbass….
Corey Eymann
The title of this sounds like something off the onion
Prinny
Hahaha this is got to be a joke
Sam Oropeza
Man, if you like it, you like it….. And you know it. Don’t play the fool.
Derek Perron
This has to be fake. It sounds like the writing of a 14 yo
Stephen Mervine
So stupid
NoCagada
Guess it’s the end of his Reaganesque marriage.
BARF
NoCagada
Wait til his mantuna starts getting horny
NateOcean
Sounds pretty gay to me.
The women were just there for plausible deniability.
Russell C Stephens
Such an adverse reaction seems overly dramatic. I think he touched a boy and liked it.
Amaurys Arias
So sadly stupid.
Dwayne Terrier
Stupid article. Stupid post.
Dennis Sandoval
i would like to see pics please
Harold DV
I had to laugh, are some people really this stupid?
Michiel Naude
Husband… Swing….I’m sorry, the 2 words doesn’t go nicely together!!! Why’s this guy married?
Scott Redner
I hope this idiot doesn’t procreate…
SarcasaticMisanthrope
My response a la Whoopie Goldberg in Ghost: “Gurrrlll you gay!”.
Billy Budd
Straight guys often jerk off in groups when they are kids. It doesn’t mean that they will turn out gay. Even I had group jerk off sessions with my cousins and only I turned out to be gay. Touching dicks is totally normal as long as you don’t feel ATTRACTED to dicks. Doctors touch dicks and balls all day long and they don’t become gay.
woodroad34
It used to be that Sex Researchers considered that gay sex was an immature action. And, yet, I wonder if there’s not just a hint of projection from straights about sex. This guy is totally immature, illiterate, and should heed the columnist’s advice. He’s not mature enough to handle sex.
paul dorian lord fredine
questions:
did you touch it just once?
if so, did you feel the urge to touch it again?
did you want to do more than touch it?
was he bigger than you? not relevant, just curious.
if you answered yes to any of those questions, you might be gay.
judging from the way you totally over-reacted there’s every possibility you might be gay because YOU’RE SUCH A FUCKING DRAMA QUEEN!!!
onthemark
He really needs to try this several more times just to make sure.
Brian
Some men are so ridiculous and anxious about male-male contact. There is such a big range of male-male contact, from platonic to sexual.
A lot of these swingers are OK with girl-girl contact but not guy-guy contact, by the way. They have a double standard. Sometimes this double standard is caused by the women because it’s the women who fear the male-male contact.
OzJosh
In the extremely unlikely event that this “problem” is real, this guy should stay at home with his wife, enjoy strictly missionary sex with the lights off, and avoid all contact with real human beings with developed sexuality. Nobody else should ever have to deal with him.
NateOcean
This guy is a total pussy.
He lets the *other* guy bang his wife for several hours, but once his *owe* dick makes contact withg the dude, he is immediately concerned about STI’s?
This guy is too immature to even be having sex, much less some sort of orgy thing.
mujerado
Wow, most of the comments on here are as ignorant as the guy in the story, and a lot meaner.
Johnathan
What a absolute wussy! I’ve never heard anything so pathetic as to throw up because your dick touched another dick!
Dave Downunder
The story sounds entirely made up but if it’s not then it’s interesting that these two work mates have been discussing group sex with each others wives. Sounds like they were kind of into each other a bit to start with.
aidanbh
@aidanbh: I fail to see why this should require “moderation”. Has qweerty become a little “precious”, perhaps?
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1EqualityUSA
Is this “the sanctity of marriage” het’s are always yammering about?
I knew I shouldn’t have opened this one. What a turd-blossom.
Marky
@mujerado: Agreed.
ChuckF
Most of us are brainwashed into thinking men touching men is immoral and a lot of other bad things, so the guy’s reaction is understandable. What interests me is that he was interested in having sex with another couple and wonder if he’s real concern was the other man’s serious attention to his wife
.
ddean
yes
scotshot
@paul dorian lord fredine: Heterosexual men are often bigger Drama Queens than gays. Gossips too.
scotshot
Imagine his reaction to any type of Double Penetration.