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If You Want To Sing In Orange County’s Crystal Cathedral Choir, You Must Sign This Anti-Gay Covenant

Only by signing a covenant stating their allegiance to the belief that homosexuality is devil’s magic can choir singers at Orange County’s Crystal Cathedral truly be good Christians, the megachurch’s officials have decided. Choir members have been asked to sign the “Crystal Cathedral Worship Choir and Worship Team Covenant,” which reads: “I understand that in an era where images of family relationship and personal sexuality are often confused, Crystal Cathedral Ministries believes that it is important to teach and model the biblical view. I understand that Crystal Cathedral Ministries teaches that sexual intimacy is intended by God to only be within the bonds of marriage, between one man and one woman.” Not everyone wants to sign her name to it! But c’mon everyone, the church just wants everyone to be on the same page.

Yes, everyone, take orders from Crystal Cathedral Ministries, which had to file for Chapter 11 bankruptcy protection in October because it’s racked up some $43 million in debt, slashed staff, sold its property, and can’t even afford to put on its annual “Glory of Easter” soiree this year.

Sheila Schuller Coleman [pictured], daughter of the founder and senior pastor of the Crystal Cathedral, issued a statement Tuesday saying the document is intended to “clarify expectations placed on them as ministry leaders.” “It is true that our new choir covenant includes a definition of marriage and that may have contributed to the hurt,” she stated. “The definition is the one that our denomination, The Reformed Church in America, and the Crystal Cathedral adheres to, based on its understanding of the scriptures.”

Coleman apologized for the pain the covenant has caused some choir members. “As the church has been engaging in this sensitive dialogue, people that we care for deeply have been hurt,” she said. “We are sincerely sorry. Those of us in church leadership ask for understanding as we seek to obey God and love all of His children.”

Rest assured, homosexual members of the choir: You are not, in fact, banned from singing god’s hymns because of this covenant. But you are being asked to sign your own second-class certificate, so that should really bring out that crisp tenor sound!