all the wrong places

I’m a gay teenager who’s only attracted to straight men. Please help me.

 He knows you can’t help who you’re attracted to, and that there’s no accounting for taste.

Still, that’s of little solace to a young teenager who’s distressed that he’s only attracted to straight guys; a classically self-defeating case of wanting what you can’t have.

“I’m always around straight guys,”Marcosoto987 writes on Reddit, “and they drive me insane.”

“It’s like the universe is constantly teasing and mocking me. It’s kinda hard to explain. I hate feeling that. I want to be at peace.”

Rest assured, Redditors around the world wasted no time in giving him their two cents and are doing their best to shake some sense into him.

“A lot of guys are only into people who they know aren’t available,” writes one community member.

“That way they never have to face the possibility of actually getting rejected by someone because there was never any chance of it working in the first place.

Being attracted to other single, gay people means that if one of them rejected you, it might be because of your personality or looks or whatever, and not because they’re not gay.”

“Get to know more gay guys,” says fishpondlifeguard, stating the obvious that nonetheless needed to be said.

“You say that you’re always around straight guys, which as you know aren’t really reciprocating. So spending more time around guys who might be into you could fix that.”

Related: Gay guys share their experiences hooking up with straight men (Hint: It’s not all it’s cracked up to be)

“Straight guys are the majority,” notes bearpony.

“But as you get older, you’ll be able to seek out queer spaces and meet more gay guys. Maybe you just aren’t attracted to any of the gay guys you’ve met yet.”

kittenlover27 shares his mind:

“Are you one of those ‘i’m gonna turn this straight guy bi/gay because it’s a contest’” or ‘I’m attracted to very masculine men’ or ‘all the guys I like just happen to be not gay?’

The first annoys me and I’m all pro-LGBTQ. A lot of my friends in college were gay, and my brother is gay, none of them ever had that strange fetish.

If that is you then just realize it’s a dumb fetish much like I”m obsessed with the idea of banging 4 nineteen-year-old cheerleaders with huge boobs and blonde hair all at the same time.

There are plenty of masculine dudes everywhere who are into other dudes, If you try a dating site you’d find them.

If it’s the last one, just keep trying. Everyone no matter age, sex, sexual orientation etc has difficulties dating, that’s just life.”

Related: Straight guys confess their same-sex sexual encounters in candid new study

Griffin880 has a different perspective:

“My guess would be that you aren’t specifically attracted to straight guys, it’s that you are attracted to guys and the vast majority of the guys you are around are straight.

When you get old enough to move where you want, try to go somewhere that has an active and healthy gay community. That will put you into contact with more people who you could potentially date.”

Anybody share the same hangups? Do you have advice you’d like to offer to this guy? Sound off in the comments below.

Get Queerty Daily

Subscribe to Queerty for a daily dose of #reddit #straightcrushes stories and more

28 Comments

  • ChrisK

    Why the f*ck does anyone care what goes through the mind of a teenager? It will change a dozen more times before adulthood anyways.

    • Tobi

      … before tomorrow …

    • spankt

      … squirrel …

  • DCguy

    1. How does he know the men he’s attracted to are straight?

    2. This seems like fake clickbait and an excuse to just post a few beefcake shots.

    • DarkZephyr

      I downloaded one or two of them.

  • Paco

    I would be curious to know if he would get turned off finding out that a guy he thought was straight, was actually gay.

    If there is no difference between a straight or gay man, then how can they only be attracted to the straight ones? There must be some deep mental issue that stems from their own discomfort with their own sexuality. He even says in his post that he wishes he wasn’t gay and only attracted to guys. Pretty telling.

    Gay men like that are desperate for sexual validation from heterosexual men. Obviously there are plenty of gay men that are just as masculine as straight men and you wouldn’t be able to guess until they told you.

  • Kris

    Welcome to my world… It’s a curse really …

  • jmanzella

    It’s called internalized homophobia. Look it up.

    • rosemariehale87876

      I found a great site that focuses on stay at home mom’s complete guide to gaining a serious amount of money in very little time. While being able to earn an passive income staying home with your kids. If you are someone who needs more money and has some spare time, this site is perfect for you. Take a look at…
      45fdfg
      follow this link…..,,,,,,,,,,, Trump”s New Opprunuties See Here

    • Bryguyf69

      Wrong. There is no evidence of homophobia here, internalized or otherwise. Nothing indicates that he is avoiding gay men, or find gay men unattractive or inferior (the writer doesn’t give us enough information to justify the claim “that he’s ONLY attracted to straight guys”). Homosexuality is simply defined as an attraction to one’s own sex. In no clinical definition of homosexuality is there a requirement that the object of one’s attraction be gay him/herself. As such, this kid is simply an example of statistical expectations. Namely, since the vast majority — 92-98% — of men are straight, a purely random attraction, devoid of bias (homophobia or homophilia), would mean being mostly attracted to straight men.

  • KaiserVonScheiss

    “Attracted to straight men…” Sounds like much of the Queerty staff.

    • Heywood Jablowme

      LOL! Queerty should offer him an internship.

    • Donston

      Exact.

  • batesmotel

    The guys he’s into are probably really manly acting because they’re straight and he finds men that are strong men to be attractive rather than the men that are gay who he sees are into fashion, gossip, Beyonce and Brittany Spears.

  • He BGB

    I think as gays we are taught it’s ugly and wrong so we hate ourselves, self loathing, and are turned off by any guy that looks obvious or effeminate. As time goes by, with more people coming out, self loathing will go away (I hope). Even a “masculine” gay guy won’t do in this scenerio. I am not generalizing on transgender women but I have known one that transitioned to have sex with straight men. I think he was a gay man but wanted a vagina to get attractive straight guys. He admitted it to me.

  • Pistolo

    I’ve got news for ya: 90% of other gay guys in highschool are in the same predicament and will always be. They’ll look for straightness even in gay guys and you’ll be shocked at the verve they have flirting with straight men that appears to be lacking when they “grace” *you*, another gay man, with their conversation. It sucks but not succumbing to it will, at the very least, secure your sense of self which is more valuable than any rentboy.

  • Richard 55

    He’s a gay-identifying guy who is attracted to the confident masculinity of straight-identifying guys. It’s normal.

    There are many gay-identifying guys who don’t want anything to do with the feminine, queeny guys who stretch their vowels whenever they speak. I understand that.

    Some of the best guidance you can get in life will be from straight-identifying guys. At least you can be sure he won’t be advising you to get colored tips in your hair.

  • zmannz

    Straight mmmmmm most guys play at one time or another, that’s been my thought, I don’t go out hunting or looking for straight guys, but have had more affairs with so called straight guys even so, its just something happens and ya end up with a person and your just attracted to him and its not always about sex. Even so many times its more there idea then mine or I just happens. I have and go to gay bar and events and have attractions to them also. I like a guy who a guy, if he is too swishy or Fem, I’m looking for a guy NOT a girl and have gone down that road too. Tried it didn’t they just don’t have a gear shift that I can grab to change gears. lol Life a Tree full of fresh fruit, ya just pick one off and enjoy what ya get, some are just taste er, so try apple picking lol seeeeeee ya

  • Donston

    That post was written as if it’s a joke. It’s likely bs, like the majority of things you guys strip from Reddit. And the title of this article is extremely misleading. He never says he doesn’t find gay men attractive, just that he’s surrounded by attractive straight-identifying men and there’s a ping of jealousy there.

    Hardly any masculine or even semi masculine male teens are gonna be out. If you can hide it at that age why bother? If this poster is legit then he’s a teen with a very limited social life and it will expand if he wants it to, or he’ll become one of those straight male obsessed, self-hating, lonely and old sugar daddies.

    Either way, this was absolute click-bait nonsense.

  • BriBri

    He’ll change his mind when he rims a straight dirty ass.

    • Orgoglio Masch

      Trust me, there are quite a few gay guys that don’t seem to know how to properly clean themselves as well. Hygiene definitely comes down to the man, not the orientation. I think the stereotype that straight guys aren’t as clean has been long debunked. Women don’t want to smell any funny odors down there either, and heteros are into a lot of “downstairs activities” too. Plus, you go to the drug store these days and find just about as many products for male grooming as you do for female primping.

  • SonOfKings

    This sounds a lot like Black and Asian Gay men who say they are only attracted to White guys, and you hear the same dumb excuse: “I can’t help what I’m attracted to.” It all boils down to not liking who they are and fetisizing that which they deem to be superior: Straight and/or White. The same sort of pathology.

  • Terrycloth

    The article doesn’t say if he is out to any of his friends and how they feel about that. Maybe some of his straight friends aren’t really straight and could be still in the closet.if they knew he is gay they might confided in him privately that they are gay as well. I know I when I met another gay person it snowballed I met more thru this friends and their friends and so on…

  • Sluggo2007

    ” a classically self-defeating case of wanting what you can’t have.” Who says you can’t have a straight man? I have them all the time.

  • jultoe

    The responders here seem to have covered all the bases… I, like most people, am attracted to hundreds + people, but my goal has been to settle into a relationship of mutual attraction and fidelity. Looking and working for this, I’ve had a few successes, and many explorations, most not involving intimacy. Straight, gay, male, female, people need people. I like a few, a few like me. But only two can be true to each other. Keep making friends, accepting and giving love. You will mature into the happiness and responsibility that social and personal learning brings.

  • Orgoglio Masch

    There’s nothing wrong with being attracted to straight guys; most guys are straight. When it comes to gays who are ONLY attracted to straight guys, I think some of those guys view other gay guys more as friends or maybe they’re just tired of other gay guys. We’re in this small “community”, and we see the same guys and go to the same places, and it can all get a bit dull sometimes. I can totally relate to the part about feeling like the universe is playing a cruel trick on us, especially when I go to the gym and see all these hot new – but mostly straight – faces (and bodies).

  • Daniel-Reader

    There are gay guys out there who are naturally more masculine than feminine, you just have to meet lots of gay guys to find us. Note some guys also act more queenie/campy when around other guys they think expect them to be more queenie/campy but who would not be that way normally around a different group. Some masculine guys like other masculine guys and some masculine guys like fem guys. Some fem guys like other fem guys. So there are many different combos. Fem guys are easier to pick out in social settings so it may appear at times they outnumber non-fem guys but that’s often just an illusion depending on any given event you are attending. Just remember to be yourself and that not everyone will want to date you no matter who you are. If you aren’t attracted to someone on a date, be polite but don’t feel you have to suffer through anything you aren’t into.

  • Saki

    I am to so I tottaly get hem. Im not im my teens anymore so this is building inside of me for years now. I feel so depressed from time to time, especially now in summer time when so much skin is revealed and I see much of a muscles on a guy that I will never have or be with. I feel such a different energy from a straight guy than from a gay guy. Have never experienced ‘true love’ in my life, even when started dating guys I have just liked them but not loved them… deep inside me it just didn feel right. Had two relationships, one 5yrs, now with current bf 6th year, sex is very very good and he loves me very much and pays attention to me, but I dont love him, like him for who he is and that he appreciates me, so I love him for that, but I have never felt ‘butteflys in my stomach’ for hi mor any gay guy. I know for lots of you this is ununderstandable but I can not do nothing for what i feel DEEP inside me, same as you can not to nothing for being gay and feel attractionto to same sex, so pls understand and do not judge me. Thank you.

Add your Comment

Please log in to add your comment
Need an account? Register *It's free and easy.