Mikaya Heart

‘I’m not on the front lines of the campaign for gay marriage. I’m going for a model that is conceptually broader’

SOUNDBITES — “The concept of marriage has too many assumptions attached. Married couples settle down together. They are responsible for each other. They owe each other. They are dependent on each other. They are meant to consult each other on long-term and day-to-day decisions. They are meant to be monogamous. They are meant to be willing to give up things they really want for the sake of the marriage. If they get divorced, which is usually horribly messy, they are considered to have failed, even when divorce is the most growth-enhancing option. There is a tendency to use being married as a safety net enabling one to get away with behavior that lacks integrity: We’re married, so s/he’s not going to leave me. Of course, a committed relationship, whether considered to be a marriage or not, doesn’t have to be that way. But I’m not on the front lines of the campaign for gay marriage. I’m going for a model that is conceptually broader. I want love and intimacy, and I want freedom, which means not being tied down. My personal experience illustrates that’s quite possible. I’m not saying it’s easy. It requires a unique level of honesty and responsibility, and it’s made far more difficult by social disapproval. Those of us who are choosing these kinds of options are on the cutting edge of something absolutely new in Western culture. That certainly doesn’t mean it can’t work. It already is working on a small scale.” —Orgasm author and out lesbian Mikaya Heart on the appeal of marriage for gays [Philadelphia Inquirer]