They’ve had sex only once in the last six months. He’s been distant and has been gaining weight. Oh, and he has Tinder installed on his phone. And it’s set to look at men.
A despondent woman has posted her woes to Reddit, desperate for advice. “Octthrowaway16” is absolutely convinced she’s married to a gay man, but he insists it’s all in her head.
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After suspiciously snooping on his phone and finding Tinder, she approached her husband.
“He got incredibly angry with me for snooping,” she writes, “which I understand, and became very defensive when I asked about Tinder.”
“We had a huge argument and nothing was really resolved. He insisted that he installed Tinder as a joke.”
Eventually, she let it drop. But a month later she became suspicious again, and began to root around in his computer:
In his deleted emails folder, I found several nude selfies that he sent to various men, replies to craigslists solicitations from men and several dick pics that I didn’t recognize. I confronted him again and he went apocalyptic on me.”
After lots of yelling and screaming, he finally admitted that he “likes to be penetrated,” but has been afraid to tell her.
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So they wiped away one another’s tears, and then she pegged the flying fuck out of him.
We did it and it was a little weird but he clearly enjoyed himself. I was careful to not be judgmental. I thought we were all good until a couple of days ago. His phone was sitting on the counter while he was upstairs and a notification went off. It was Tinder.”
More fighting ensued. Her husband swears that he just “gets off on the attention from guys” but isn’t sexually attracted to them. She doesn’t believe him, and now she’s pulled her daughter out of daycare and is staying at her parent’s house.
“Is this a normal thing that I am blowing out of proportion?” she asks. “Is there a reasonable way to look at this and think that he is telling the truth? I don’t want to destroy my marriage, my life.”
As you can probably imagine, Redditors have been tripping over each other in their eagerness to weigh in.
“Don’t get hung up on some gay/straight dichotomy,” writes mawkish. “He is going outside your marriage for sexual gratification. He is seeking the attention of strangers by sending naked pictures of himself. Obviously this is unacceptable. Don’t fixate on labels. Fixate on the unacceptable behaviour.”
Don’t focus on the question of whether or not he’s gay, That’s frankly irrelevant. The issue is that he doesn’t respect you and isn’t honest with you.”
“If you work thru this,” writes renaissancex, “expect to be in this situation in about 6-8 months again.”
“I hear how you’re clinging to everything that you once knew,” Lurlo says .”I’m sorry, my heart breaks for you. He isn’t only cheating, he’s lying, maybe even to himself.”
What do you think this distraught young woman should do? Leave forever, or become a master at the art of pegging (and denial)?
Weigh in in the comments below.
Who cares if he’s bi or gay or straight? He made vows with this woman, lied to her about who he is and what his interests are, attacks her for confronting him, and tries to blame her. Call the divorce lawyer then look for a partner who respects her and is honest is what she should be doing rather than soak up attention on Reddit…
He’s gay and he needs to be real with himself. And she needs to look for another man.
Red flag .its a Reddit story so probably fake.even so,it has no affect on my life i don’t know these people. She’s a snoop gets what she finds..
Men have a lot of sexual fetishes, and marriage doesn’t suddenly stop them. Women need to realize that marrying a man means you are also marrying his fetishes.
To me, it seems the husband has a fetish for being pegged which his wife won’t really satisfy. She’s using the “he’s gay” excuse to justify leaving him.
She comes across as homophobic in my opinion.
so much pressure on straight people to be monogamous. I used to be very closed minded about being open. But after having a long and lasting love you realize it’s not such a big deal. We’re conditioned to think otherwise.
She pulls “her daughter out of daycare”? That makes a whole lot of sense.
@Terrycloth: yet hear you are reading a reddit story (says so at the very top) and taking time to write about how you’re above it all. Must be absolute hell to be around you, seriously.
@Guy068: I agree with you about the respect aspect in theory. However, its impossible to dismiss the fact that males are seriously hemmed in by society’s rigid expectations that “real men” find even the thought of being penetrated thoroughly repugnant. Straight guys are socially prohibited from expressing an interest in or enjoyment from such an act. Theyrightfully fear rejection from any straight woman to whom they might admit a desire to be pegged or past same sex experimentation. So they go on the down low, cheat, indulge their need some less than stellar way. I don’t condone this obfuscation, but I get why they do it. Women have come a long way in claiming and expressing their collective sexuality. Society needs to evolve to where we allow men to more freely express and explore theirs, without fear of rejection and inaccurate labels.
Don’t focus on what he might be; each of us has the right to define himself.
Focus on what he did and how you respond. You might try understanding and acceptance; or, opening up the marriage; or becoming GGG (ala Dan Savage); or understanding and non-acceptance (i.e., friendly divorce); or something else.
Don’t let labels get in the way. Look at his actions; look at yours; and then decide what to do next.
He likes dick. If you can’t deal with that, divorce him.
“When people show you who they are, believe them!” Dr. Maya Angelou.
Every couple has to figure this out for themselves. It is not black and white. Some renegotiate their contract. This is no different than Heteronormative marriage issues and those situations are addressed individually depending on the needs of each. Speaking from 39 yrs of alternative marriage.
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@Terrycloth: Exactly a lot of the stuff posted on reddit in the sections queerty scours for blog articles are made up by Elaborate Scenario trolls and are totally fake like this post.
Reddit or not, there is nothing unbelievable about this very commonplace story.
Given your “system” is so prone to error, you might consider not including that cheap insult in what should be your apology.
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