In The Future We Will All Make Out With Creepy Japanese Robots

You may have already heard about the “Real Touch,” a motorized dong massager that supposedly imitates the hot wiener action that you see in porn. Well now the Kajimoto Laboratory in Japan is developing an oral transmitter that mimics your kissing style for long-distance make out sessions over the internet. Let us show you how it works…

While one person controls the crude rotating device with their tongue, the device then records the movements and transmits them to a kissing receiver far away. Nobuhiro Takahashi a researcher with the Kajimoto Laboratory says, “The elements of a kiss include the sense of taste, the manner of breathing, and the moistness of the tongue. If we can recreate all of those I think it will be a really powerful device.” He even believes that if celebrities can record their kisses onto one of these devices that fans would happily buy the machines just to make out with their favorite stars.

Maaaaaybe except for a few things, Takahashi-san: One, you’re forgetting about the lips; they’re a pretty important part of kissing. Two, the best kisses come from two people orally responding to one another, not when one person passively receiving the tongue of another. And lastly, if your kissing machine resembles a spinning silly straw, you have a long way to go towards creating a sexy make out robot.