Grown-Up Christmas List

In The Spirit Of Giving, Christians Help Tom Ford Sell Penis Necklaces

66ème Festival de Venise (Mostra)As anyone who’s ever taken a marketing class can tell you, the quickest and cheapest way to sell a product is to get the attention of religious folks. And having Twitter to help spread the word faster than ever is nothing short of a gift from Baby Jesus.

Gay Star News reports that Tom Ford’s new product — a line of necklaces featuring penises in the shape of a crucifix — has gotten a slew of free publicity from people who believe the $790 charms (which naturally come in small, medium, and large sizes and are available in either gold or silver) are worth discussing (or shall we say, promoting) on social media.

“God will punish Tom Ford for making that necklace,” said one amateur salesperson on Twitter, while another coined the slogan “Just in time for Christmas, a way to say ‘screw Christ,’ the savior of the world.”

Not bad for guerrilla marketers working on a purely volunteer basis.

A less succinct but nonetheless helpful plug said, “How dare you use a phallic symbol in the Christian cross! You insulting piece of trash! HOW DARE YOU!”

tom-ford-penis-necklaceEven the leader of the Catholic League, who surely has a lot on his plate this holiday season, is doing his part to spread the word about Tom Ford’s penis necklace, calling the designer a “corporate bully” and reminding us of another of his triumphs: “When we learned of this item, I said to the staff that I bet this guy Tom Ford is a homosexual. I was right,” Bill Donahue is quoted as saying. “We should remember that this corporate bully tried to shove its secular agenda down our throats by punishing the New York City St. Patrick’s Day Parade for not allowing gays to march under their own banners in 2014.”

While Tom Ford hasn’t yet reached out to personally thank these people for helping him sell his necklaces, perhaps he will reward them by making even more of the alternative kinky gifts. Because as of this writing, the large penis pendants are currently sold out on his website.

In a world where there is so much hatred and ugliness, isn’t it nice to see people lending a hand to help others in the spirit of Christmas?