All good things must come to an end–or must they? We think some people, places and things found an end too soon, and we’d like to see them come back en vogue. And we have some recommendations of things to go away, to make room for what is new again.
Ready To Say Goodbye:
• Will & Grace
This show used to be so funny. But then Debra Messing had to go get pregnant, take a hiatus from the show, and completely ruin the momentum. There’s no more mojo in the stale, contrived jokes. We’ll be sad to see it go, but not because we want it to stick around–we just remember what it used to be.
• $250 blue jeans
We remember when we thought Diesel jeans were expensive. Now they seem cheaper than Wranglers you’d buy at Sears. But we don’t get why the gays will drop hundreds of dollars on a pair of jeans that look exactly the same as H&M, and will fall apart before the next season. Yet these are the same guys who see nothing wrong with getting a “I just need a buzz cut” tragedy at SuperCuts.
• High-Concept Hotels
The whole mod-hotel thing was fun for a minute. But we don’t need snooty front desk clerks looking down their nose jobs at us while they decide whether we’re good enough to stay in their ugly rooms with high-concept trash cans. So over. We just want to sleep.
• John Paulus, Enemy #1 Of Clay Aiken
We are so over the Clay Aiken scandal. For the uninformed: A guy named John Paulus (alledgedly, say the lawyers) chatted via webcam with “I’m not gay” Clay Aiken, the two had a brief love affair, and Paulus stole a DNA-soaked towel as evidence of their trysts. If you don’t know what that DNA is, please stop reading Queerty and never come back again, you’re not ready for all of this. Paulus then contacted The National Enquirer to sell his story, and claiming he was being hounded by the press and really wanted to keep it a secret; and then he contacted porn impersario Michael Lucas, in order to use the scandal of Aiken’s implosion as a catalyst for his wannabe porn star career.
We hate John Paulus. He is a mean man, taking pleasure in wrecking Aiken’s career. And yes, it is wrecking him: nine fans filed a class-action lawsuit against Clay, saying they bought his album because of his image as a sex symbol, and part of that image was his OBVIOUS heterosexuality. Although which is more pathetic: the lawsuit, or the fact that the fans couldn’t tell he’s gayer than Beverly Lesliehttp://www.hollywoodfyi.com/lesliejordan.html.
And we’re never chatting on our webcams again.
We Want You To Come Back:
• Rosie O’Donnell
Remember when Rosie O’Donnell was nice? It’s time for that Rosie to come back. Perhaps she can just pretend; because we don’t need to be friends with her, we don’t need to like her haircuts. We just want her to make us laugh again. That haircut, by the way, was all Isaac Mizrahi’s idea, so blame him.
The 90’s over-did the South Beach craze, it became too trendy for it’s own good, the modeling industry got scared away by the tackiness of it all and went to South America, the gays moved up to Ft. Lauderdale, and the only people who stayed were those who didn’t realize South Beach was over. And no one wants to hang out with them. But those people have finally moved on, the models are back and working again, and there is so (1) so (2) so (3) much going on. Come back, boys, it’s time to come back.
• The Dixie Chicks
After being blacklisted by the country music industry in 2003 for denouncing President Bush, their public image only existed in the form of political activism. While we’re not huge country music fans, we wish we could hear their music again. Behind the politicking are some fantastic songs: “Cowboy Take Me Away” makes us wish he would, and “Goodbye Earl” is up there with Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” as the ultimate goodbye-to-bad-men songs that have made us all feel better once in a while. Not that we advocate killing our ex-boyfriends with poisoned peas. But you know what we mean.
Also: Natalie Maines Natalie Maines [Viva La Graham]