TIME FLIES

Inside Abbi And Ilana’s Grindr-Fueled Broad City Internet Vortex

Screen Shot 2015-02-20 at 1.57.37 PMOn last week’s episode of Broad City, Abbi and Ilana fall into a bit of a modern-day internet matrix. And we’ve all been there — you go online to look up the recipe for soft boiled eggs, and two hours later you’re checking out Jamie Dornan’s nude photos.

But the montage of their web vortex goes by so fast, it’s nearly impossible to decipher everything they’re doing.

So we did it for you. For some reason, the girls are really into Grindr — is that a real thing girls do these days?

“Excuse My Beauty: The Carrot Top Edition” is as noble a launching point as any.

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Buzzfeed’s “Which Dead Child Star Are You?” sounds fun, if not a bit icky.

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Already it’s enough to make a person scream.

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How about some good old fashioned app dating? Tinder makes sense. Victor is 27 and looks like a Target catalog model. Hot.

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And then…Grindr? Looks like the girls are newbies since the first shot has the “Help” tab highlighted. Or maybe it’s just foreshadowing. Ohhh, deep.

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OK, maybe Grindr was a bad idea — Tinder is safer territory. Mike is 25 and seems way too young to have  a son.

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Oop, nevermind back to Grindr, and by the looks of it, they’ve figured it out fast since their inbox is BLOWIN’ UP.

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Aaaand, back to Tinder.

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If that’s not a Grindr promotional screen we don’t know what is.

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Then it’s off the apps and on to some important stuff like “signs that your sex friend is becoming your boyfriend.”

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“Ass of an angel.” Keep praying, ladies.

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“Janet Jackson that’s the way love goes.” Smooth.

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“rhianna instagram” Come on, you can do better than that.

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“top ten fig recipes” Some more foreshadowing. Ooohhh.

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“why are brazil nuts always in nut mixes?” Could it have something to do with surface area? Those is some big nuts.

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“what’s that rash on my armpit?” Nasty.

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“finding your soulmate on a budget” If you make any progress on this one please let us know ASAP.

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“twincest” We can help you with that one.

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“micro penis” What do you know, we can help you there too!

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It’s about at this point that they Skype each other only to discover they’re still in the same room together.

Whew. We need to get out and take a walk.