Oh my god, you guys! It’s happening! The Anne Rice Extended AMC Universe or whatever officially launched with last night’s super gay premiere of Anne Rice’s Interview with the Vampire! I should probably say first of all that I am here for this! This is like, my Marvel Universe! Like, no matter what happens, or how good or bad it is, I’m psyched it’s happening! I want this and the upcoming Mayfair Witches series to get renewed and renewed and renewed forever! Oh, and guess what! AMC already renewed Interview for a second season!
Ok, so with all that out of the way, let’s dive into Episode 1, “In Throes of Increasing Wonder.” How much wonder was thrown? Umm…some. Some wonder.
We open with…an ad for washed up journalist and former junkie Daniel Malloy’s faux Masterclass. This is how we know that Daniel is having a rough time because of how old and washed up he is now that it’s 2022: because he’s doing a Masterclass instead of reporting, I guess? Also, he has Parkinson’s and it’s still the pandemic. 2022 is hard!
But then a package arrives in the mail and, quelle surprise! It is all the cassette tapes he made of an interview with a for real vampire in San Francisco in 1976! Turns out this vampire, Louis de Pointe du Lac, wants to have a do-over interview because their last one ended so badly. This is why vampires need publicists: so they don’t end up trying to eat journalists who ask unapproved questions! So, Daniel goes to Dubai where Louis lives in a fancy tower with all these alive human servants and fancy windows so he can stay up during the day and not get charbroiled by the sun, and they decide to do the whole interview all over again for reasons.
Flashback to 1910 New Orleans, where Louis owns a brothel and is the head of a very rich Black family. Also, his brother Paul is a mentally ill religious fanatic! And he’s a closeted gay! So, he has a lot going on.
Meanwhile a handsome blonde creep is stalking him!
One night, Louis goes to a brothel that is fancier than his to hang out with this sex worker who is basically his beard. But she’s already talking to that stupide-hot blonde creep! His name is Lestat de Lioncourt and he’s fresh off the boat from France and has a big huge crush on Louis. Which obviously freaks Louis out due to being closeted. But instead of seducing Louis, Lestat goes off with Lily the sex worker, which makes Louis even more furious and horny.
Later that night though, Lestat straight up murders a lamp extinguisher guy because he is a vampire!
Then I guess it’s the next night and Louis and Lestat meet again at a poker game with all these dumb white business dudes with giant moustaches. Oh, my god, there so much in this scene about Louis’s businesses and blah blah blah percentages and capital investments and blah blah blah. God that stuff is so boring! But also, all these white business walruses are dicking him around due to racism, and it’s like, just hurry up and be a vampire so you can murder them all!
But then Lestat freezes all the racist business moustaches somehow (???) and talks to Louis telepathically or something, and is like, “I’m not like all these racist white dorks. I voted for Obama in 2012!” So now they are best friends and Louis helps Lestat get a makeover and they go see some operas and stuff.
Louis’s sister convinces him to invite Lestat to dinner one night, but that doesn’t go well due to his brother Paul being insane and also Lestat is a sadistic vampire. They get into a super awkward fight because Paul makes Lestat remember this one time he wanted to be a priest but his family wouldn’t let him. Turns out Lestat is super bitter about not getting to be a celibate priest and instead having to be a fun hot rich immortal vampire! Whatever, we’ve all got our own trauma.
After dinner, Lestat takes Louis home where Lilly, Louis’s favorite sex beard, is waiting for them to do a threesome all together. But instead, Lestat hypnotizes her so that he and Louis can get naked and do blood sucking sex while floating in the air. Whoooo! Gay vampire sex! It is extremely hot. (Honestly, Sam Reid’s butt should get its own spin-off.)
LOL, though, in present day, Louis is like, “BTW I didn’t consider myself a hah-ma-sexual man.” But now he has come to accept his sexuality, which…do vampires have those? They do in this!
Also, apparently Louis and Daniel met in a gay bar back the 70s. “I was there for drugs! No homo!” Daniel obviously lies.
Back in 1910, Lestat doesn’t actually kill Louis yet, but according to Louis, getting blood-sucked is the hottest thing ever. So, obviously he never wants to see Lestat again due to being “not a hah-ma-sexual.”
Next, it is Louis’s sister’s wedding, where Louis and Paul have to do their tap-dancing routine, and oh holy fuck why are we spending so much time with all these alive people?!? Ugh! Paul is as sick of this as I am, so the next morning at dawn, he and Louis climb on top of their house, and he jumps off and is dead now. RIP poor insane Paul. He was really handsome despite being so completely insane!
So, now Louis is depressed because his mother blames him for his obviously insane brother’s death. Meanwhile, Lestat is all butt-hurt that Louis is ghosting him, so he fully harasses him at Paul’s funeral! Also, he killed poor sweet Miss Lilly! LOL, solid seduction strategy, Lestat! No notes!
(Full disclosure, I would 100% jump into a coffin with Sam Reid regardless of who he killed or how much he telepathically harassed me. I’m not proud!)
Fully out of his mind now, Louis goes to a church that night to confess all of his gay sinnings. Except then Lestat bursts in and murders all the priests and just gets blood all over the damn place like someone who has never had to spend hundreds of years secretly murdering people every night without anyone noticing! Like…use a napkin, babe!
So, then Lestat monologues about death and how God doesn’t exist and how repressed Louis is. And then he’s like, “I love you, baby. Let’s be vampire husbones forever now!”
Then they kiss, which is hot. And Lestat bites Louis, which as noted above, is obviously totally equally as hot. And then Louis chows down on Lestat’s wrist—just, like, goes to town, gnawing the shit out of it! And, I mean, we all know the drill at this point, right? When two dudes love each other very much, the dead one sucks all the blood out of the alive one, and then the one who got sucked sucks it all back. And that’s how gay vampire babies are made.
So, now Louis has green contact lenses and is le vahm-peer!
So, obviously, this series is already veering wildly from the Anne Rice books and the 1992 movie version—and if you didn’t notice any of that…just don’t worry about it! But it seems like we’re off to a decent start, right? I mean, what the world definitely needs now is lots and lots of hot gay vampire sex!