In a new op-ed titled “Gay. And Approaching 40” published by the Washington Blade, Brock Thompson tackles what may arguably be one of the greatest taboos in the gay community: Getting older.
“Next week I enter the last year of my 30s,” Thompson begins, doomfully. “And I have to say, I’ve really enjoyed the past decade. Think of your 30s as your 20s, but with more money and a bit more sense. And I’d like to think I’m happier now, too.”
Generally speaking, we’d say that’s a fairly accurate analysis.
Related: An Open Letter To Ageist Gay Men
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But despite all this, Thompson admits he finds getting older “a bit hard, especially knowing that in the gay community, age is not something we put a premium on.”
“In many ways we’re surrounded by those with severe Peter Pan Syndrome — boys that refuse to grow up,” he writes. “As a community we cherish vigor and six-pack abs. While I generally think I have the vigor part covered, I have stopped trying for the six-pack and settled for just ‘an ab’ of sorts.”
We hear you on that, Brock!
Thompson then recalls a recent incident that happened at a younger friend’s birthday party.
“I was chatting to another guest there, a bit of a twink no more than 21, and after introducing myself he basically said to me, ‘nice to meet you, but I’m not taking on any new Facebook friends right now.'”
“I began to think,” Thompson continues, “am I too old for this? Am I embarrassing myself by being here? All those thoughts akin to the first time I saw my dad fast dance at a family wedding. Is this whole thing getting a bit unseemly? But then again, who cares?”
Related: PHOTOS: Guys Over 50 Are Super Sexy And Here’s The Proof
Thompson’s takeaway from the incident was that “older gay men are too quickly labeled creepy trolls with little to offer.”
Why is that anyway?
“Some suggest that as a community we lost far too many in the past to AIDS that we simply don’t have enough strong voices or role models to look to on how to grow up with style and dignity,” he writes. “That may very well be part of it. But finding and keeping happiness as one ages must be its own formula. As long as you aren’t hurting yourself or others, keep moving forward in your life, ditch the fear of missing out, and just live.”
Cheers to that.
Thompson adds that “we have spent a great deal of time convincing others that being gay isn’t a choice, we should also remember that getting older isn’t a choice either.”
Preach.
“If we as a community start accepting all of that, maybe we’ll all be a bit happier,” he suggests. “And while I may not be aging perfectly, I’m perfectly aware of it. And I will continue the formula of daily moisturizer, cultivating friends from every generation, activity, and keeping at bay anyone who makes me feel bad about myself.”
Word.
Related: Curb Your Ageism, Older Dudes Make Way Better Lovers
Alan David Smith
it’s not age. it’s the fear of complacency. that scare’s people. i don’t see tomarrow as being another day older. but another chance to go on a helicopter ride.
Glücklich
More to say on this later but the writer nailed it.
40 Dead? Dead sexy! Even when I was 20, a smart, accomplished, experienced man, late 30’s or 40’s….THAT’s what *I* want! Want to *be* and wanna be nekkid with.
DutchGay
I’m 42, my husband is 40. We’ve been together for 19 years. Nothing wrond with getting older. I couldn’t imagine having a 25 year old boyfriend; he’d be in a totally different phase in his life !
DutchGay
I don’t understand the obsession with “being young” or “only young is attractive”. Newsflash; we will ALL age (unless we die young). Live healthy and at least you will feel youthfull even though you grow older. Nothing wrong with that.
Glücklich
@DutchGay:
The age difference can definitely be a pitfall.
My first real grown-up relationship (and the first time I fell in love) was with a man 38 when I was 23. I pursued. It went well for about a year before he ended it because of the age thing. I got it but I was still crushed. Luckily we’ve remained close friends ever since and occasional fuck buddies, though. He and my husband get along well as they’re both creatives.
avesraggiana
Work it while it lasts, Twinky-GURRRRLS! Because youthful beauty fades and fades fast. I’m very lucky. I’m now in my early fifties and through good, clean living, I’ve kept my youthful looks. The former twenty-something gym bunnies of my day who used to look right through me either stopped showing up long, long ago, or DO show up looking really, really hard ridden.
Remaining youthful is the best revenge.
Stache
“I was chatting to another guest there, a bit of a twink no more than 21, and after introducing myself he basically said to me, ‘nice to meet you, but I’m not taking on any new Facebook friends right now.”
I don’t understand this. I’d just look at the twink as a complete retard.
“In many ways we’re surrounded by those with severe Peter Pan Syndrome — boys that refuse to grow up,”
That includes older aged guys that exclusively chase after the twinks. Honey they’re not going to make you young again. You look no less pathetic as that Minister guy.
The rest of the points were pretty good. Traveling and doing new things is great. Being stuck in the past would be me going back to my clubbing days and partying till the sun comes up. Thank god that phase is over.
kzen64
@Stache: Yeah, I’d have replied, that’s OKAY, I’m not looking for facebook “friends.” I want real friends.
Tait47
If you are reaching 40 and still base your self worth on what a 2o something thinks about you then you have deeper issues and need to move past your own 20’s.
Stache
@Tait47: Ha. Best comment IMO.
AtticusBennett
from my experience, the ones who complain most about “gay life being over at 40” are the 40-somethings who still have an almost-exclusive taste for early-twenties twinks.
one of my long-term lovers is 46. you can’t complain when you yourself show that “you’re not into YOU” .
Bauhaus
I value age. I have always been attracted to older, wise, mature men. I’m not the only one – I’ve noticed almost all of the guys interested in me are much younger than I am.
Anthony Lower
53 year old left scratching his head over this headline…
Glücklich
@Bauhaus:
Oh I’d probably be all up in your nethers, too, you fox.
trell
I’m 43, engaged to my long term BF of 10 years, and in an open relationship. I guess I am a daddy-bear type. I’m not fat or overly muscular. I hit the gym, and look after myself, but I don’t have some daft beauty regime. Just a decent diet, social drinking and sensible living….
….and if I’m on Grindr, Scruff etc, all I seem to get is young guys hitting on me!
Don’t get me wrong. I enjoy the company of all kinds of guys of all ages, whether as a hook-up, or social/platonic friendships, but I seem to be more in demand as a mature, experienced, and fully grown man, than as a more naive, experimental, and less mature 20-something.
40 is not the new dead! Not by a long shot! And if any 20-something tries to tell me otherwise, I’ll gladly wait another 20 years to see them realise what a shallow narcissistic fool they were.
Bauhaus
@Glücklich:
I’d probably encourage you…
@trell:
That’s been my experience, too.
@Anthony Lower:
No doubt.
spemat
Ageism??? I am bisexual and in good shape with tattoos and told I have a Tom Hardy like look and I hate being leered at by young dudes and women… especially with bi exclusive preferences because bi can be experimenting or gay at that age… now they claim to be pan/fluid/queer and shit and I recall queer as a fighting word and punched one day for calling me that and I forgot that it is used now. I fought of more than one homophobe who said that so I react but these 20 somethings are all special snowflakes and have nonsense gender identities and shit when they are men and women who look like average hetero men or women… and this demisexual nonsense… ugh
Blackceo
Maybe this is a thing with single gays and with certain gay men but I’m glad I have a social circle who doesn’t get caught up in this shit. Its so stupid. I just turned 38 and quite frankly can’t wait til I turn 40 cuz I am already planning an international getaway with my closest friends to celebrate. Its ashame that this is so prevalent in the gay community but this whole panic when you hit 30 and the suggestion that its over when you hit 40 is just sad.