“Why can’t you just pick one? It’s weird.”
“But you’re actually gay, right?”
“Only girls can be bisexual. When guys are bisexual, they’re really just gay.”
“You’ve been with both, right? Otherwise, how would you know?”
These are just a few of the awkward questions and comments bisexual men hear on a regular basis.
We asked the folks at Whisper to see what bi guys had to say — here’s what they found:
ChickenLady
Disgusting. It’s unnatural.
Paul Tidd
Harder, no. Different, yes. A bisexual man only struggles with discrimination and a lack of basic human rights when he is in a relationship with another man. If he is in a relationship with a woman, they would not only recieve the rights and benefits that straight couples recieve. But, they would also be treated like a straight couple. We still live in a crappy society. Two men, or two women in a relationship still have a long way to go before being treated exactly the same as a straight couple does. Bisexuals have the option of being in a heterosexual relationship, and avoiding discrimination from their peers. Homosexual people don’t get that option.
bottom250
Gay or BI you all feel amazing in me and I can’t tell the difference my lovelies.
jason smeds
If something is black, you know precisely what color it is. If someone is angry, you know exactly what their mood is going to be. If a pipe is broken, you know exactly what it’s going to look like. Words like “black”, “angry” and “broken” are all precise words.
However, the word “bisexual” is very imprecise. That’s why I think it’s a flawed word. I would not prefer to use it to describe somebody unless that somebody chose to identify in that way.
The reason it’s an imprecise word is because it describes a spectrum and not a precise state. Do you call a man who is mainly attracted to men but who chooses to only have sex with women “bisexual”? Do you call a man who is mainly attracted to women but chooses only to have relationships with men “bisexual”? If your answer is yes, you are basically equating two men who are completely different. See how confusing it is?
Do I think that men who can swing both ways find it harder? If they choose to identify as bisexual, they are set upon by the gay community because gay-identifying men want them to refer to themselves as “gay” and not “bisexual”.
Ken Riter
Gays don’t easily accept Bisexuals either.
Robert Hillyer
It’s only harder because we make it so as a culture. If you’re bi, you’re bi, but if you’re in a monogamous relationship, with either sex, stay that way.
Unless you get permission….
BJ McFrisky
Aaaand yet another reason to remove the B & T from LGBT.
Ronbo
If you seek a respectful monogamous relationship, you will not be trying to butter your bread on both sides. That goes for ALL people… gay, straight, bi, trans etc….
Sex addicts are a horse of a whole different color.
Cam
The headline is misleading. Most of the quotes aren’t unique to bisexuals, and in the few that were they weren’t saying it was harder, they were sharing their personal experiences.
Edwin Hernandez Alcala
It is harder to be bisexual because you get judge by gays and straights so I would say yes!
Michael Travis Jasper
That is because there is no such thing as bisexuality.
TrueWords
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLuBi0G1Y2c
TrueWords
It is NOT harder to be a bisexual…it is harder to convince others that you are indeed bisexual…for many people see bisexuality as a teetering action before one commits…I have had several friends both men and women who professed that they were indeed bisexual but in time they have either decided to be gay or straight…
the reality is if you are bisexual and dating a woman…when/how do you want to have sex with a man and when/how will that impact the relationship…if you are a bisexual and dating a man…when/how do you want sex with a woman and when/how will that impact the relationship…
NO ONE likes to wait for the other shoe to drop and/or kick them out of the arena…
Some people see bisexuals as greedy and sexual deviant with no discerning sexual taste and will engage with whomever and wherever to satisfy their needs…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=p2sIf_sVYuc
Masc Pride
I think it’s definitely harder because it’s not as easy to find other guys to relate to. The gay community isn’t any more bi-friendly than mainstream society. I’d actually say heteros are a bit more welcoming. That one quote about the guy going from gay to bi is interesting. I’m noticing more of that lately. Bi is the new gay.
Steve Hanson
Don’t know if these are real quotes but some of them are offensive to gays. Why would a bi man be offended by people assuming he’s gay? Not helping your case.
Giancarlo85
@jason smeds: If something is bullshit, you know that it stinks. That pretty much describes 97% of your posts on here including this pile of manure.
“See how confusing it is?”
It’s really not. You are equating sex acts with sexual orientation. One could be a 40 year old virgin and bisexual. Bisexual has to do with attraction to both genders. Sex acts are a different topic. You’re just making it more confusing because you’re too simple minded.
Giancarlo85
@Masc Pride: Um you seem to notice a lot of things… not all of them true. And you’re saying heteros are a bit more welcoming? You’re kidding me right? That one quote was taken from whisper. Consider the source please.
Caoimhin Mikael Lycke
Great feedback Paul. Agreed!
Caoimhin Mikael Lycke
Michael, I wonder about that. Good point. Nobody likes discussing that possibility.
Masc Pride
@TrueWords: Lol that’s his argument? That because he lied about being bisexual, everyone’s lying about being bisexual? Then he says bisexuals will inevitably leave the gay community (which wouldn’t surprise me given a lot of the judgment)…but yet he also admits he and his partner did the same thing? This guy is bubbling with hypocrisy.
As far as relationships, that depends on the agreement each couple makes. I’ve had open relationships with bi women, and I’ve also been in monogamous relationships with just women or just men. When you’re dating another guy, when and how do you have sex with other men?
Masc Pride
@Giancarlo85: Know what else I notice? That you reply to everyone with hostility and the intention to argue while consistently failing to fully comprehend the statements you’re so eager to oppose. I’m going off my own experiences as well as the experiences of some buddies, not Whisper.
DuMaurier
@Michael Travis Jasper:
“That is because there is no such thing as bisexuality.”
Okay, fine. What is YOUR term for a person who is sexually attracted to both men and women?
Bauhaus
I’m bisexual, but I identify as gay for simplicity and out of respect for my man. The difficultly I’ve had as a bi man, in a relationship with a gay man, is assuaging his insecurities about my sexual needs. That’s it. Other than that, I stopped caring about what people believe about bisexuals. It’s a waste of time.
Bauhaus
@Michael Travis Jasper:
“That is because there is no such thing as bisexuality.”
Tell that to my dick!
GG
As a general rule, the harder it is, the happier I am.
Paco
Look at what is popular with gay porn. It is all “Str8 Gone Gay”, not bisexual. I think in general, gay men prefer the bisexual men keep with the straight identity and be on the DL, because bisexual equates to gay for them. For some gay men, bedding a “straight” guy is the ultimate achievement, even if, deep down, they know he is really bi.
The problem with this is, it reinforces the idea that male on male sex is shameful and something to be kept secret and in the closet. When the perception of male on male sex finally changes to just a simple fact of human sexuality, more men may be able to openly identify as bisexual in the future. I don’t see that happening, until we ALL, gay and straight, let go of past ideas about male sexuality, and stop putting heterosexual men up on their undeserved pedestals as the pinnacle of male sexuality.
TrueWords
@Masc Pride: When you’re dating another guy, when and how do you have sex with other men? I DO NOT as I am not wired that way and I choose to be someone else that shares my viewpoint…
AtticusBennett
Whisper – for insecure closet-cases who don’t have the orbs or spines to stand up to be counted and meet their claimed “Challenges” from a place of visibility and honesty.
AtticusBennett
the stigma on bisexuals is due to non-bisexuals who falsely co-opt the label to be trendy, or as the baby-step toward admitting they’re actually gay.
when we eliminate more cultural anti-gay bigotry, we’ll have fewer people falsely-idenitfying as bisexual and finally actual bisexuals will be able to be properly represented by themselves.
Felix Duarte
Oh geez, cry me a river.
Paco
@Masc Pride: his argument was really strange. He thinks that if a bisexual enters into a heterosexual relationship and stays there for years, they are no longer bi?
No Mr. Savage, if a person is in a relationship for years with the same person, it is generally called monogamy. Their orientation hasn’t changed because of that.
Brandon Hobbs
Oh boo hoo.
Paco
@TrueWords: “NO ONE likes to wait for the other shoe to drop and/or kick them out of the arena…”
I would say that is true for any relationship, gay, straight or bi. Monogamous or open. No one likes to suddenly be kicked to the curb for another in any relationship, and it happens in all styles of relationships.
Dulce Ramirez
Yasss!
Kirk Montrealer
Don’t give it too much thought. We can be attracted to both. Does not make a person “in denial” . One does not have to put themselves into A SINGULAR CATEGORY. Gays “not accepting” bisexuals ?? Gays are the last ones who should ever pass judgement on anyones turn on. The same way a gay person might not comprehend or like bisexuals, is the the same as heteros not comprehending or liking gays. You like and love who you want…and yes a person can get off on both sexes.
William Mc Gregor
You ask that question like there is actually acceptance in the LGBT “community” of course it’s harder.
David Zakrzewski
The ones I know don’t openly talk about it, but yes it does indeed exist. I think it scares some gay guys because its a line they won’t cross and maybe it threatens their self-perception of masculinity?
jayj150
I find it hilarious that they used the ripped guy in a tutu as a photo for the “I’m shy as hell” comment.
Masc Pride
@TrueWords: And I don’t either. Whoever I date is enough for me unless we’ve discussed and agreed on another arrangement. Gay men cheat on each other all the time. You guys aren’t exactly perfect in the fidelity department either, so just know that finger can easily be pointed right back at you.
@Paco: Yeah, I was actually kind of amazed at how contradictory he was in under 3 minutes. The only thing more ridiculous than the speech is that someone would actually use it to try and prove something.
James Messineo
That true bi guys make me confused many time they are harder ! Bi and straight guys are limited less make love and sex to gay guys and me too cuz they agreed with girlfriend rule and unlimited more make love and sex to women that why I am uncomfortable to bi guys I am tell truth ! ð???
Voltaire Erasmus
Sexuality isn’t black and white. Most people are straight. Some are gay and many fall all over in between.
L Daniel E Kaufman
I’m accepting of bi to a point. Yes they have the luxury of being seen as just “experimenting ” and all that jazz.
But to be honest I’ll never trust one. I’ve been cheated on twice because they couldn’t come say ” dude I need to bang a chick” seriously. I left that option open. I did. Guh.
They need to find other bi types so they can at least live in a threesome. That’s the only way I see them being happy.
Gregg Jabarisidiki
I can honestly say I would not want my sister or nieces with one Nor I . Who wants to compete it’s a dangerous game .
McShane
Isn’t the elephant in the room the fact that a lot of people, gay or straight, automatically assume that bisexuals are greedy sex addicts that can’t make up their minds. I don’t think that, but I do know a few people that do, for whatever reason.
I know one guy that identifies as Bi, let’s just say if you put him in an empty room with nothing but (pick any random thing) a cactus, that cactus is getting f*cked. 😉
Paco
@McShane: It’s the same over generalizing stereotyping homophobes use against gays. That we are all uncontrollable sex addicts. But hey, like the bi guy you know, I have known gay guys that will try to sit on anything that looks like it could fit. So whatever, lol.
Pistolo
I don’t think comparing plights is ever productive to understanding one another, for starters. It’s just a great way to provoke a fight.
Also, as much as gays or straights can say to bisexuals “You’re just gay/straight and haven’t accepted it yet”, there are lots of bisexuals who will tell you “Everyone is bisexual, you just have to be more open-minded” which is so backhanded and just as bad. Dictating to another person who they are is not something exclusive to gays and straights- bisexuals do it too. And we should all just stop.
And it’s not entirely true that you’re accepted by neither for being attracted to both. If you’re a bisexual person in a heterosexual relationship then that perception of “normalcy” you’re able to capture entitles you to heterosexual privilege. You can hold hands in the street, kiss in public, get married in all 50 states, you can be open about your relationship with almost anybody…gay people simply don’t have those privileges at all. The only way to be accepted in that way would be to pretend to be remotely straight which gay people do all the time & make themselves miserable.
So please, be aware that there are nuances to the plights of every minority. Nobody has it better or worse, we just all need to understand what our grievances are so we can appreciate and accept one another.
Masc Pride
@L Daniel E Kaufman: “They need to find other bi types…that’s the only way I see them being happy.”
I actually agree with this. The best LTRs I’ve had were with other guys who were bi to some extent. It wasn’t really because we both needed to “bang chicks” periodically or live poly, but more so because of similar mentalities and effortless understanding. I tried to date a gay guy that literally got upset to the point of removing himself from the room just because I made a comment about how hot Olivia Wilde (a woman I will never meet or have) looked in a commercial. I definitely don’t miss that kind of melodrama and insecurity. Gay men can sometimes develop serious inferiority complexes when dealing with bi guys because it’s always in the back of their heads that women are the more socially acceptable “option”. Constantly having to reassure someone gets old QUICKLY! I strongly prefer other bi guys if it’s going to be more than sex.
John Kuehnle
I think heterosexuals have it easy, society revolves around them. Any other sexuall minority
John Kuehnle
Gets treated different and sometimes worst as much as the world seems to hsve changed some thing stay the same
Phoenix Lopez Harman
Oh give me a break!
Milton Appleby
Bisexuals are judged harshly. There is always the “choose one sex” or “you’re just really gay” statements from people. We want acceptance but find it hard to accept the B in LGBT. Sexuality is complex. That is why there shouldn’t be labels.
Anthony Bryan Hilton
If you’re a man and sleep with men, you’re gay. Doesn’t matter how much pussy you’re getting on the side.
Arcamenel
This is not the oppression olympics, stop pitting us against each other.
AtticusBennett
@Masc Pride: does banging girls make your dad less ashamed of you?
Giancarlo85
@Masc Pride: You fail to understand anything and you completely missed the point. Are you really this stupid in real life? I don’t care for your minimal experiences and non-existent arguments. You are deeply closeted and even if you did have the chance to come out, you wouldn’t because you don’t want to be seen as less “manly”.
@Masc Pride: Considering you are one of the most insecure people here that’s ironic.
If you actually read what I posted, I defended bi people. Your arguments, however, are narcissistic. You don’t like gay men because you view them as inferior to you. You express the same sort of vindictive attitude towards feminine gay men.
Guido Oliveira
Acceptance is a complex term and may be a little misused by some bisexuals. One can recognize their existence/expression as an specific group respect their lifestyle and yet don’t want to be in a romantic relationship with them.
AtticusBennett
@Giancarlo85: he’s also just plain lying. he’s not bisexual. he’s not Out. he doesn’t date ANYONE. he’s a fugly, charisma-deficient troll with no balls and no spine. the only girlfriend he has is inflatable and the only boyfriend he’s ever known was the neighbour’s dog.
Jeff Nichols
I just don’t buy the whole bi thingâ?º Male bi’s are closet cases IMO. Accept your sexuality damn it !
Kathy Griffith
Some of those comments were pretty depressing 🙁
David Green
I have a friend who’s bi but tells people he’s gay because it’s just easier than dealing with people’s scrutiny and judgement.
Caoimhin Mikael Lycke
A great number of heterosexual men and women tend to be more distrustful and dismayed over bisexuality than homosexuality. The other interesting point is I ready a study that purports many bisexual men have difficulty than hetero or homosexual counterparts with regard to maitaining long term intimate relationships. Six bisexual men I know personally reject monogamy. Interesting stuff.
Caoimhin Mikael Lycke
Kirk, it should be so easy. It’s not but it’s okay.
Caoimhin Mikael Lycke
Many public figures claim to be bisexual but then we begin to see a leaning towards “gaydom!” Perhaps it takes a bit longer to find courage. If “true” bisexuality exists, it is rare.
Mew Chibi
Bisexuality disgusts me. Lowest quality of life losers you will ever meet completely over sexed overly dramatic emotionally immature idiots. Homo or hetero only!!!!
Xzamilio
Wow… at least we can see firsthand that gay people can be just as closed minded as straights. And no not ALL, so don’t even.
Masc Pride
@Giancarlo85: Ah, but you do care deeply because you hang on to EVERYTHING I say. I’m actually rather flattered by time you devote to making up stories about me. If you have such a problem with me, ignore my comments. Problem solved. Going back and forth with you is another thing that gets older rather fast.
@Milton Appleby: Well said.
@David Zakrzewski: “I think it scares some gay guys because its a line they won’t cross and maybe it threatens their self-perception of masculinity?”
So true! Lots of self-proclaimed “out and proud” gays are actually walking around very insecure and hurt. I think a lot of those types just feel very threatened by more bi visibility because they’re afraid it will send them “to the back of the bus” so to speak.
Masc Pride
@Anthony Bryan Hilton: Is that like a gay “one-drop rule? LOL
Giancarlo85
@Masc Pride: I am just exposing you as the bigot you are. And you are also fraudulent.
Paco
@Caoimhin Mikael Lycke: “The other interesting point is I ready a study that purports many bisexual men have difficulty than hetero or homosexual counterparts with regard to maitaining long term intimate relationships. Six bisexual men I know personally reject monogamy.”
Only six? You must be new to the gay community, boy do we know how to reject long term intimate relationships. Welcome!
I cringe when I see the same crap used against us for decades by straight homophobes, being used by members of our own against our own. It really is sad and very perplexing.
Jaime Enrique Sibauste
Every bisexual men with a girlfriend I have asked if she knows about them being with guys and they all answer no, she doesn’t need to know. They are very deceiving.
Masc Pride
@Giancarlo85: Okay.
@Paco: Thank you. I love how some gays get up on their soapboxes to denounce promiscuity in bisexuals like gays are choirboys. Like gay men aren’t on Grindr, cruising gayborhoods, going to a4a parties, adult bookstores/bathhouses and God knows what else while their unsuspecting partners are…on Grindr, cruising gayborhoods, going to a4a parties, adult bookstores/bathhouses and God knows what else. But let the promiscuous accusations be directed at them and all of a sudden they’re all against “slut-shaming” which is of course then deemed homophobic.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
The “I’m only sexually attracted to men but romantically attracted to women” line is BS. I think these guys are in fact very romantically and emotionally attracted to men but they are desperate not to be for reasons of being in the closest, fear, insecurity, it’s too gay to be in love with a man, it’s feminine, etc. You can’t have just sexual feelings for a person and no emotional connection to them all the time. If you went through life like that you’d be more of a sociopath. That line is also used a lot on and its just recycled over and over again to justify a man who’s still in the closet. It’s become something of a meme if anything.
Tebn
I am so sad, these guys are living their privileged straight lives while they use gay guys as sexual objects. That’s a real Greek tragedy.
Baba Booey Fafa Fooey
@Tebn: The “sex objects” part is right. I was going to say that. That’s not normal thinking or normal behavior. That’s something a psychologist or a psychiatrist can you assist with. If you don’t want to be labeled as me a gay man, then I’m sure a psychologist of psychiatrist can help you with that and hopefully getting to a point where you no longer say, “I’m only sexually attracted to men..” because that’s not good to say. That’s not healthy or normal. A sex addict has that pathology of being emotionally disconnected and viewing a group of people, male or female, as only sex objects.
jason smeds
One reason why bisexuality is looked down upon is women. Women frown upon male bisexuality because it means male power. Liberal women especially frown upon it.
Women also tend to trivialize female bisexuality by pretending to be bisexual in a man’s presence. It’s a form of selling designed to win the approval of a male. This tendency of women to pretend to be bisexual is not unrelated to their tendency to wear revealing clothing even when it’s very cold.
Paco
@Masc Pride: of all the finger pointing at bisexuals I have seen in these comments, nothing has really been said that can’t be pointed back at gay men in general. As a gay man, I have been at the receiving end of many of those same comments.
—–
I don’t understand the animosity. I have dated OPENLY bi guys and it was great. In many ways, they are the “straight” guys that can love you back. If you let them.
Anyway, time to call it a night.
Captain Obvious
Delicious salty tears.
Bauhaus
@jason smeds:
Whatever your mother did to you, forgive her, and move on with your life.
Giancarlo85
@jason smeds: And another weak attempt of bashing on women. I don’t know why you hate women so much… but Bauhaus is right though. Forgive your mom and move on. And stop blaming women for all your shortcomings and fuck-ups in life.
Women being bisexual is to get approval from a male? Are you on drugs?
I don’t know you turn this thread into one more of your misogynist rants.
Eternal Optimism
(Important Disclosure: Words in quotation marks are double entendre and should be read at surface level 1st read)
Yes, before we do anything we tend to “overlook” the “Hope” for a continual breath of life, but what is the number of times you do not put such “perfectly infinite” “Hope” first?
Therefore, every Human Nature pattern knows and believes in â??Hope,â? but the power of “Love” is only possible through the continual belief in “Hope” 1st!
Selflessly,
Ps. “Hope” is always the “1st Cause” of “Love” and they cannot “exist” without each other! “Love” is a choice of free will that is built on the “perfectly infinite” belief in “Hope,” and both combined are the state of “actuality” as “Happiness!”
https://www.facebook.com/notes/eternal-optimism/hope/10150444225195720
Robert Gomez
Harder I have heard. Discriminated against from straight and gay communities.
inbama
Yes, your life is really tough when instead of having to worry about persecution and violence, you’re suffering is caused by the opinions of gay meanies.
inbama
@Paco:
” In many ways, they are the “straight” guys that can love you back”
And we all know scoring a straight guy gives meaning to lo our pathetic lives, right?
Alan David Smith
we all crave identity. and the truth is when you don’t fit the mold of society. you will be asked question’s weather they are appropriate or not is more a question of the person asking them. and your answers might be different from the person right next to you. we probably made assumptions just by the pic. so keep answering honest question’s by people who want to truly know.
Giancarlo85
@inbama: Of course. Straight guys are put on a pedestal by people like Paco. He also view bi guys as being more manly and desirable than gay men. I don’t want a straight man that will love me back. I want a gay man to do that and I have one. The idea bi men are somehow being victimized by gay men is a false one indeed. These guys are often deeply closeted, while many gay men face violence and discrimination.
Christan22
To be honest it’s not more difficult it’s just different. Yeah some of the LG community shun and say your greedy, confused or unnatural, but to be honest most people are cool with it and might pop a little joke bur that’s it. I’m regards to relationships and attraction personally it becomes more about the person as a person not a body and somewhat irreverent in regards to attraction if they are female or male you like them and that’s it. Fact of life is people discriminate, it’s not nice but it isnt targeted at any one group entirely blacks,whites, gays, straights, bi, rich and poor. Enjoy your life and live it for you and the one you love not the close minded
Cam
Right wing bigots LOVE posts like this.
The fact is, Heterosexuals have it easier, and everybody else is fighting for some piece of that pie. So rather than sitting here bitching at each other, take the fight to where it really belongs.
Theonewhoismany
This post has been one of the more contentious I have seen in a while. I really could care less to debate the authenticity of people’s sexual identification, as sexual classification systems themselves are culturally specific. What has me infuriated about all of this is everyone’s assertion of certainty based on themselves, someone they know or have heard of. Your sample of 1 – 5 is not random, not large enough to draw ANY conclusions and scientifically speaking worthless. It also fails to meet the criteria in sampling of one sample being selected independent of another. Personal anecdote is evidence of NOTHING. Also that boy who keeps finding a reason to hate women in every single post, get professional help, and take a genetics class to dispel all of the notions you have about the biological essentialisms of women.
Mikki Hurley
I have to admit as a lesbian woman, when I was single I refused to date women who were bi. I bought into the myth that bisexuals were untrustworthy. I’ve grown up a lot and have made friends with a few bisexual women and found my prejudices were unfounded. There are good and bad people everywhere and I bet I missed out on some great romances due to ignorance.
Bauhaus
@Cam:
BLT is the bread and butter for gay wingers, and I’m not talking about the sandwich.
AtticusBennett
@Masc Pride:
“I think a lot of those types just feel very threatened by more bi visibility because they’re afraid it will send them “to the back of the bus” so to speak.”
not really. where Is that visibility? from anonymous internet commenters? from closeted guys on whisper? your “visibility” is Invisible. the out and proud are going nowhere, and you’re never even going to arrive.
Clark35
@Masc Pride: In some ways that’s true; but I’ve been out as bisexual for 2 decades and nobody seems to really care. At first I had hetero friends who assumed that it meant that I’m gay but eventually they realized I’m still sexually attracted to women unlike gay men. But some of my hetero friends were surprised that I know a lot of LGBT people when they know maybe only 1 or 2.
Clark35
@Tebn: Not everyone that’s bisexual and a man does this. FYI there are tons of gay men who use other gay and bi men as “sex objects”.
Clark35
@Jeff Nichols: Yes, and with your opinion that makes you hypocritical and just as bad as someone that’s homophobic or ex-gay people. Bisexuality is a real sexual orientation just as valid as being gay or hetero.
Clark35
@Caoimhin Mikael Lycke: Um… no it’s not rare, a lot of men are actually bisexual. The same argument you’re using about “if true bisexuality exists it’s rare” is something bigots use against gay people, “Oh you’re not really gay, if you really were gay it would be rare…”
Clark35
@Paul Tidd: Please, there are tons of gay men and lesbian women who are closeted and married or in a relationship with people of the opposite sex/gender. Worldwide the majority of gay men and lesbian women are in such relationships; but it’s their choice to do this.
Clark35
@Masc Pride: Very well said.
Clark35
@Baba Booey Fafa Fooey: Everyone’s different when it comes to bisexuality. There are bisexual women who are only sexually attracted to men but have romance/relationships with women, and bisexual women who are only sexually attracted to women but have relationships and romance with men. I know bisexual men who are only sexually attracted to women or just casually sleep with women but only have relationships/partnerships with men.
jakechavigny
Bisexuality is not something that you can just define that easily. Kinsey’ scale sorry for those who doesn’t agree with it pinpoint pretty much that there is about 13 differents type of bisexuals… and few of them which I will tell here are just one of few but quite the most frequent ones:
Alternating bisexual: has relationship with a man, and then after that relationship ends, may choose a female partner for a subsequent relationship, and many go back to a male partner next.
Circumstantial bisexuals: primarily heterosexual, but will choose same sex partners only in situations where they have no access to other-sex partners, such as when in jail, in the military, or in a gender-segregated school.
Hedonistic bisexuals: primarily straight or gay/lesbian but will sometimes have sex with another gender primarily for fun or purely sexual satisfaction.
Latent bisexuals (bi-curious): completely straight or gay lesbian in behavior but have strong desire for sex with another gender, but have never acted on it.
So you believe that being bisexual is easy, well try this… as gay men you can just go ahead and tell that your gay… but a bisexual even though he knows he has feeling/sexual attraction with both will automatically be considered gay by straight or hidden gay by gays.
Most bisexual people start out feeling confused about their attraction towards people of both sexes and wondering “Is something wrong with me.” Some will spend their entire lives in this stage, hiding their sexual orientation, feeling isolated and alone with the inner turmoil over their “dual attractions”. Many go through life identifying as straight or gay/lesbian in order to be accepted and make sense of their sexual orientation. Because their own experience does not conform to either community, they feel intense external pressure to choose one and identify with it. Without any language to frame their own reality, and no visible role models or community available to them, bisexual people must have sufficient self-confidence and belief in their own identity in order to eventually transcend this stage.
For many bisexuals, the negative stereotypes of bisexuals as “promiscuous” “fence sitters,” neurotic, or vectors of AIDS prevent them from identifying with the label or claiming it for themselves, but most agree that it comes closer than any other language to describing their lives. Instead of rejecting the label, many bisexuals invent their own definition and create bisexual lifestyles that fit their individual lives.
Bisexuals feel good about being bisexual, but emotionally, they experience extreme conflict living in the real world as bisexual. Often scorned by family and friends and rejected by spouses or potential partners for being bisexual, they find that to develop and maintain a bisexual identity requires inner strength, self-reliance, confidence, and independence.
So next time you wanna judge a bisexual, why don’t you think about that… you went through the turmoil of coming out as gay. It wasn’t easy right? (at least for most of the gays) you had to go through those steps yourself, well bisexuality is twice what you went through, TWICE the rejection. It’s not a better world.
I am bisexual, it doesn’t matter if I’m with a guy now. I am still and will remain a bisexual until the day I die. Am I proud of it? NO being proud of something that happened by accident is just plain stupid! Being proud as per the definition states is to be happy about one’s accomplishment or the accomplishment of someone else you care about. Being gay isn’t a skill neither is being bisexual, straight, black, white or American. But you can be proud of knowing the steps you made to accept yourself as you are.
mujerado
@ChickenLady: Quit flaunting your disgust; have you no sense of shame?
AtticusBennett
“But you can be proud of knowing the steps you made to accept yourself as you are.”
EXACTLY. well said. i know many bisexuals, male and female. and they’re nothing like the Whisperers here, nor the closeted and rather insecure and pathetic commenters who keep making their false and boastful claims from a place of stereotypical anonymity.
they’re Out, they identify as bisexual, and they’re not crippled with the internalized homophobia that this site’s trolls will forever be weakened by.
startenout
I always find it amazing when the comments and opinions of the gay community are even more uninformed and judgmental than our heterosexual counterparts. No, bisexuality is not fake or greedy or unnatural or any of the other rude comments I’ve just read above. As a community that says we shouldn’t be labeled, judged and pigeonholed because there is variety in the gay community from butch to femme and bear to twink and every variant you can think of in between, it is disgusting how you jump on a group of people. Almost a century ago, Kinsey showed us the theory of the sliding scale of sexuality, and yes, some people are truly bisexual and most fall somewhere in between perfectly gay and perfectly straight. To say bisexuality is a choice is just as ridiculous as saying it is your choice to be gay or straight. Yeah, bisexual men have it tougher, because there is abject ignorance on both sides.
Curty
In my teens I thought I was bisexual and have kissed females before… I’ve never had a girlfriend and identify as gay but maybe I am bi… -shrugs
Giancarlo85
@jakechavigny: “NO being proud of something that happened by accident is just plain stupid! Being proud as per the definition states is to be happy about one’s accomplishment or the accomplishment of someone else you care about. Being gay isn’t a skill neither is being bisexual, straight, black, white or American. But you can be proud of knowing the steps you made to accept yourself as you are.”
This is a bunch of nonsense. One can be proud of who they are and their background. I know you probably took that line from George Carlin (well it sounds like something he did say), but I don’t agree with it. Being proud of who you are isn’t about skills.
jakechavigny
@Giancarlo85: Indeed Carlin said it but it’s not coming from him. Go ahead dude and check the definition what Proud and Pride and come back telling me I’m wrong. Your opinion you’re untitled to it but do not come and call this ;a bunch of nonsense. If you don’t understand the message so be it. You don’t agree with it fine. But don’t attempt to minimize the issue based paragraph. Befor you come and call it nonsense go and see for yourself.
An opinion it’s like an asshole every one has one. This was not just opinion. You facts to counter this whole thing I said… go ahead bring it… otherwise keep your nonsense to yourself. And because one comedian said something, it doesn’t mean it’s all comedy. Yes they made it funny but if you just stop and think for a moment you may find out there’s quite a bit of truth in what they say. And still being gay isn’t a skill and you can’t go around that.
Masc Pride
@Clark35: Yeah, I’ve actually found heteros to be way more tolerant than gays with this. At the same time, my hetero male buddies don’t exactly want to talk about certain things, which I understand. They’re basically pretty chill as long as they don’t have to hear a whole lot about it, but that’s where things start getting hard to maneuver. In gay company, you make any mention of a girl being physically appealing and you’re a “self-loathing closet case”. Around straight guys, they don’t want to hear about dudes. So you kind of always have to kind of downplay one part depending on who’s around. There are gay and lesbian communities. There is no bisexual community. I really don’t care that much about the criticisms and judgments, especially not coming from gays. The hard part IMO is finding like-minded individuals. Community makes a BIG difference with these things. I’m seeing more bi visibility, so maybe it’s just a matter of time. It’d be nice to more easily be able to find other guys (and girls) that can relate to it all instead of always having to compartmentalize.
@inbama: That’s totally not what he said and you know it. You guys take your own issues and insecurities and put words in people’s mouths just so you can argue with them. It’s absolutely NUTS!
Paco
@Masc Pride: No. It’s not what I said, and if he bothered to read my previous comments on this subject, he would realize the type of gay men I was talking to (Clue: The “straight” chasers). But if he wants to think of himself as pathetic, then no one can stop him from doing so.
As for the other guy, not sure where he got the idea that I think bi guys are more desirable than gay men, since most of the men in my life have been gay, out and comfortable with their sexuality. So whatever. (Personally, I think I was being punished for agreeing with you on this one subject. Lol)
OzJosh
If genuinely bisexual guys are finding it hard to gain acceptance it’s because so many gay guys these days are hiding behind the term “bi” – muddying the waters and creating understandable scepticism. “Bi” has become code for “straight acting” or “no fems” or “non-scene” and any number of similar terms guys use to avoid coming out or identifying with the broader gay community. For those guys it’s invariably an indicator of internalised homophobia. Tellingly, the vast majority of “bi” guys you meet these days are identical to what we would formerly have identified as closet cases: guys (often black or asian) in relationships with women, yet primarily attracted to men, guys who profess to be equally attracted to women yet almost exclusively date or have sex with men, guys who are simply terrified of being perceived as effeminate or obviously gay (including those who are clearly effeminate or obviously gay). I feel sorry for the genuinely bi guys who cop the fallout from all this, but it’s a sign of how far we still have to go before some guys can truly accept their homosexuality.
Tebn
@Clark35: Obviously, the gay men have sporadic sexual relations, but they can (have capacity) fall in love with other guy at any time and they can establish a relationship. But usually, the bisexual guys are unable to experiment romantic feelings for other guy, because they are too repressed or they are too pragmatic, and finally they end up using the gay guys as mere objects.
jheryn
I’m bisexual and the only time I find it hard is when either straight or gay people say that they don’t believe you or that you will cheat because you like both.
I am happy being what I am. I like having sex with both men and women. If I am in a committed relationship, I don’t feel the need to cheat. That is a decision I made to be committed and I am happy with it. A bisexual person is no more apt to cheat than straight or gay people. I have never cheated and will not. Being a ass makes you cheat not if you like men, women or both.
Being bisexual is also hard when you get comments like:
@Michael Travis Jasper: “That is because there is no such thing as bisexuality.”
I find it hilarious that gay men who hate how they are discriminated against (and they are) would make such statements when they hate similar negativity thrown at them. If you aren’t bisexual, fine don’t question people who are. How do much do gay men like it when religious people say “you aren’t really gay you are just sinning?” That is no more true or right than people saying bisexuals are not real.
Gay, Lesbian and Transgender people all want acceptance. So bisexuals. I would think that gay men would understand that better than anyone.
Masc Pride
@jheryn: I hear ya, bro. Gays and bible-thumpers don’t get along better because they’re too much alike. Who knew?! lol
inbama
@Masc Pride:
Slave-state Evangelicals are the main reason LGBT people don’t have equal rights, but hey, you poor gay-persecuted bisexuals are so occupied with your own suffering, you can’t be expected to notice actual threats to life and liberty.
Dev.C
I thank as gay men we sometimes find it hard to understand or even identify with Bisexuals or Transexuals because so many us see our sexuality as a stepping stone to their identification.
I also think that because many gay people and straight people understand that they have the potential for bisexual behavior but not as preferred orientation find it hard to identify with people who do.
Gay porn has given me quite the eduction of men’s sexual abilities and spectrum. Straight men who do gay4pay have sex with men for money and sometimes for fun but Gay men can also escort for men and women and do bisexual scenes.
I wouldn’t consider either groups bisexual for having a heterosexual or homosexual experience because for them one gender will always override the other.
I think why most gay men find it hard to accept is because of consistency within bisexuality, if you predominately date men but say you are equally attracted to women, how does that make you any different than a gay man who every blue moon sleeps with a woman? Than if you are consistent in sex with both men and women, than as your gay partner how are we suppose to feel reassured that you don’t need a equal sexual relationship with a woman?
Than there is also the thought/fear a bisexual partner may get a woman pregnant which is more of an extreme fear.
A bisexual partner can be seen as a challenge for both gay and straight people and it really just comes down to you and who you develop that relationship with and if they can handle it.
As gay men we should be more tolerant of the needs of people who identify as bisexual, but equally I think that bisexual people have to understand that the gay or straight community is never going to be a haven for bisexuals.
Giancarlo85
@jakechavigny: You don’t know what you’re talking about. You are off in fantasy land. You’re full of shit and you think everything you said is factual. Get a fucking reality check please.
Giancarlo85
@jakechavigny: “And still being gay isn’t a skill and you can’t go around that.’
You’re a moron. Thanks for proving it. Having pride in being gay is completely legitimate. Prove me wrong, idiot! Otherwise stop posting your incoherent stupid garbage!
Clark35
@Tebn: Again you’re assuming this about all or most bisexual men when it’s not true. I’m bisexual and I can fall in love and have relationships/partnerships with both genders. My bisexual male friends and ex’s are the same way.
Clark35
@Masc Pride: >>That’s totally not what he said and you know it. You guys take your own issues and insecurities and put words in people’s mouths just so you can argue with them. It’s absolutely NUTS!<<<
A fair amount of gay men never get past the professional victim stage long after they come out, or never let go of the opinions they had when they were closeted.
jakechavigny
@Giancarlo85: Hahahahahaha being called a moron by a moron you just made my day. But i’ll be the bigger moron and let you go with your bullshit. You just prove yourself stupid. Therefore I will follow what my mom told me. Never argue with a moron, they will bring you down to their level and beat you with experience. So Giancarlo just crawl back to your bed and sleep until your brain gets back its brainwaves if it ever had any. You gotta be a new kind of stupid not to understand simple things. You may reply to this… but as the bigger moron I let you win. Congratulation you dumb sack!
jakechavigny
@Giancarlo85: Oh and I fully know what I’m talking about. Obviously you don’t since you just come back taking one sentence and run with it. Yet you haven’t came up with anything disproving me. Sounds to me you’re just trolling. Calling me moron, idiot, and all those beautiful qualifications that could definitely apply to a person like you who doesn’t have any idea how to defend its own views. If I’m so wrong… why don’t you bring your own perspectives. You didn’t bring anything. You didn’t say anything that worth reading. You just insulted because you have severe issues that you need to deal with. I’m not going to be your victim for whatever make you a sad, very sad human garbage as you are. YOU need a reality check and that reality shouldn’t be based on only YOU.
inbama
@Clark35:
Actually, you mean “sexes.”
Otherwise, you wouldn’t be bisexual, but bigenderal.
Tebn
@Clark35: Ok. Maybe you can be considered the EXCEPTION that proves the RULE. Though, you are talking about passing relations, but probably your definitive and long-term relationship will be with a woman. That’s the rule. Unfortunately, many gay guys waste their time with bi guys that unfailingly will abandon them for a safer and quieter relationship (heterogamous).
Clark35
@Tebn: No it’t not the “rule” I know bisexual men who are partnered with other gay or bisexual men. I have no idea who I will wind up with but they won’t be bigoted or biphobic the way you are.
Tebn
I am not phobic at all, you are unfair. I could accuse you of being epistemophobic, but I am not going to do so because I am tolerant and I respect your view though I do not share it.
Tebn
@Clark35: I am not phobic at all, you are unfair. I could accuse you of being epistemophobic, but I am not going to do so because I am tolerant and I respect your view though I do not share it.
Clark35
@AtticusBennett: Indeed I am an out bisexual man but I have been out for over two decades now.
@Tebn: See there you go with your bigotry and biphobia again; but you’re a troll. There are TONS of gay men who are closeted, DL, etc. who are married to women or who are just permanently single and closeted but you do not say anything about them. The majority of gay men in the world are not out and they are closeted and married to women.
Clark35
@Tebn: Yeah, and there are TONS of gay men who just use other men as sexual objects. Don’t kid yourself, as this is very common.