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Is Sam Smith rude at gay bars? Why are Tom Daley and Dustin back in NYC?

Sam Smith performs at the 65th GRAMMY Awards
Sam Smith performs onstage during the 65th GRAMMY Awards. Photo by Kevin Winter/Getty Images for The Recording Academy

There have been outbursts of anti-Sam Smith sentiment brewing on social networks for some time, specifically from the queer community. Some say that Sam has co-opted fashion ideas from the community’s history without giving proper credit. But when angry people chimed in that “So-and-so wore this outfit first,” it turned out that someone had done it even before them. Maybe Sam is just carrying on a tradition of acquisitional homaging that spans groundbreakers like David Bowie, Grace Jones, Lady Gaga, and beyond.

I also ran across a Facebook post reading Sam for alleging using Kim Petras as a duetting partner to gain points, but I just don’t see that either. Duetting with a trans singer has never been the road to instant chart success and a Grammy, and even with today’s increased visibility, it was far from a guaranteed slam dunk. I didn’t see the duet as anyone “using” anyone; it was mutually beneficial. While I don’t always worship Sam’s music, I feel we should try to avoid petty arguments designed to bring them down a notch.

Most notably, a drag performer/activist posted on Facebook: “Dear Sam Smith: You can’t ask for support from your community if you are not going to support your community. Coming to local bars and being standoffish. Not tipping the drag performers or the bartenders! I have witnessed this in 3 different bars.”

Many commenters agreed that that’s what they’d experienced or heard about the “Unholy” singer. However, one promoter chimed in that his nightlife experience with Sam was great; Sam was cutting up, having fun, and tipping. I must admit I’m a little wary of the standoffish accusation because a big star like Sam might have reasons for behaving that way rather than “Dancing With a Stranger.” And if they were doing a conga line through the club while screaming “Hi, all!”, they would then get read for being desperate. I personally know from all the judging: I was once dancing wildly at a party in a D.C. gay club, but someone had spotted me idly standing around right before that and fed the sighting to a writer, who reported that I was acting standoffish and snooty all night!

But the fact is that not tipping is a gigantic no-no, a cause for instant loss of respect, and there is no way around that. Anyway, I sent messages to several of Sam’s people, hoping to let them clear up any possible misunderstandings, but I received no response from anyone. How standoffish! I’ll keep you posted. In the meantime, please tip me — I mean, please send me any tips.

Diving into drag bars

Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black
Tom Daley and Dustin Lance Black (Photo: @dlanceblack/Instagram)

At Hardware — one of the plethora of gay boites in Hell’s Kitchen — I ran into Oscar-winning writer Dustin Lance Black (Milk) and his Olympic diver hubby, Tom Daley, the night of a show by drag performers Jacklynn Hyde and Holly Box-Springs. Dustin told me they are moving from London back to the States and said Tom wants to spend more time in L.A. “because British people are Vitamin D deficient and love sunshine,” though he (Dustin) prefers NYC.

“Tell Tom how great New York is!” he urged me, and I actually tried to get to him to do so, but the drag show had started, and he was sitting there, rapt. The guys have a five-year-old son who was staying with Tom’s mother at the moment. Dustin said he took the kid to a drag show recently and laughed, “If this was Tennessee, I’d be in jail.” Alas, he added with a grin, “He’s showing early signs of heterosexuality.” As tragic as that is, at least it proves beyond a doubt that taking a kid to a drag show doesn’t turn them gay!

By the way, Dustin (who’s been recovering from last year’s head injury) is working on writing a Broadway tuner, but he assured me it’s not Milk the Musical.

Extra bit

From an Oscar winner to a multiple nominee: Spies swear that Glenn Close has turned down the honorary Oscar more than once. I guess she’s holding out for the Sunset Boulevard movie in hopes of finally getting a competitive Oscar, and also, maybe she wants to send them a bit of a “f*ck you” message in the meantime, lol. I wouldn’t blame her.

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