We’re going to go out on a limb here and say that most of Queerty’s readership remains blissfully unaware of The Transporter franchise, which is about guns and Jason Statham and a lot of fast car chases– or so we gathered from the 13 seconds of the trailer we were able to watch before our eyes started to bleed.
Well, it turns out that in the first two movies, the lead character, Frank Martin (Statham) was a flaming homosexual, except the director forgot to tell anyone this fact and so, the latest installment’s director Olivier Megaton (an action director with the last name of ‘megaton’–heh, that’s not made up) went ahead and included lots of hot hook-up scenes with Natalya Rudakova, who is most definitely not a dude.
Director Lou Leterrier previously explained the homo subtext to the L.A. Times:
“If you watch the movie and you know he’s gay, it becomes so much more fun. It’s so great — the first gay action movie hero!” He continued: “Action fans in general are pretty homophobic. You see these tough guys who say, ‘ “The Transporter,” that’s such a great movie!’ If they only knew they’re really cheering for a new kind of action hero.”
And to drive his point home, he mentioned a scene in “Transporter 2” in which a drug czar’s wife, played by Amber Valletta, makes romantic overtures toward the Transporter. Martin rebuffs her, explaining, “It’s because of who I am.”
Letterrier’s take on that? “That’s him coming out!”
But it turns out that the whole thing was a big funny misunderstanding as L.A. Times reporter Geoff Boucher found out when he went back to the original director to see what he thought of his gay character turning straight:
“I e-mailed Leterrier a few days ago to get his take on “Transporter 3” and director Olivier Megaton’s choice to make the character heterosexual. “Haha, I haven’t seen it. I can’t wait,” Leterrier wrote back. But wasn’t he just a little disappointed Megaton had changed the character’s sexual orientation? Leterrier seemed to back off the gay Transporter theme he embraced three years ago.
“I was sick over the weekend and my 2 Transporters were on, so I watched them and in fact they aren’t that gay,” Leterrier wrote. “But it makes for fun movie legends.”
The only thing lamer than outing a gay character after the fact is putting that character back in the closet. Since Bryan Singer missed out on his chance to direct his own version of the Harvey Milk story and since he’s going to be looking for work after the release of Valkyrie (Tom Cruise is a good Nazi, do we have to say more?) , maybe he can take a crack at gaying up Statham in the inevitable Transporter 4.
Darth Paul
His snappy riviera pad and capri pants totally screamed “HOMO” as far as the 1st movie goes.
Statham’s fine as hell, though. I’d even watch him on QVC.
The Milkman
Blissfully unaware of the “Transporter” franchise? Are you fucking kidding me? Every queen I know has watched the Transporter movies, for one reason only… Jason Statham. I’d watch him fold laundry as long as he did it with his shirt off.
Dubwise
i love jason statham.
sal
ok this has nothing to do with this story but does anyone know if the comedian Mo Rocca is gay???and also are any of the cast members of the carol burnett show gay????thanks
Lost
Yay. Can’t wait to discuss this with my straight male friends.
Really, I mean that (roll eyes).
ryan
Jason Statham is a DILF.
Maharajah
I knew it!!!
Ok – there is a scene in the first movie that is very homoerotic in that when he and his ‘hostage’ get thrown off of the building into the water, and as his attackers set the surface of the water on fire, he grabs onto a now dead hostage and sucks the oxygen out of him. Oh, ok – it was not the most homoerotic thing ever produced, but it was cool. Anyway, when will we ever see a sexy, well adjusted hero of our own? Oh, in the mean while – Jason will always be a fav. of mine.
sal
hello,come on u guys,i cant b the only one who wonders if Mo Rocca is or isnt?someone,anyone???
technicolornina
@sal: Try asking in a place where the question is legit. Like a Mo Rocca board.
Rigato
Statham…ugh…can I count the ways I hate the man? Well, here’s a HUGE one. HE CAN’T ACT. The reason an actor exists is to transform him or herself into the character…to make us forget the actor and look into the character. Case in point, Johnny Depp or Sean Connery. No matter what they’e playing, my instinct tells me its them, but I just don’t care because I like the character. Statham..its all in your face.
Imagined Convo with Myself and Statham:
Jason: “HEY LOOK IMA KNIGHT…with the same bald head, angry british accent and 10 o’clock shadow”
Jason: “HEY LOOK IMA er….TRANSPORTER!IT’S LIKE A DRUG TRAFFICKER EXCEPT I DO MATH N STUFF! OH, AND I STILL DON’T SHAVE. EVER.”
Me: “But you look exactly the same as in all your other movies! I can’t tell if Return of the King was Transporter 4: Back in Time or what. At the very least you could try and flatten the accent, or shave…”
Jason: “SO?! I’M HOT. PEOPLES LIKE ME LIKE DIS. I GETS TEH MOVIE DEALS.”
Me: “You know most of those movies sucked with the exception of the first Transporter? You can’t act…and you’re always portraying the same asshole. You know people are only watching you because of that oil slick scene in Transporter one.”
Jason: “I’M HOT. LOVE ME. I DO MATHS N STUFF.”
Me: “…I sadly say I could have given a shit if the Transporter died, because I didn’t care about your character. Hell, I liked the French investigator more than you. I’d rather love him. I’m going to watch someone who looks similiar in all his movies, but you know…actually makes a character special. ”
Jason: “ME?! BUT I’M-” ~Flexes muscles~
Me: “Yes I know.”
Jason: “BUT I’M-”
Me: ~Slams the door~
Phil
You sound fat and jealous.
Which is apparently the only thing gay people can come up with when you criticize someone who’s “hot”.
Wolf
@Phil:
Okay man thats just rude. Show some respect for other posters. Personally I hate Johnny Depp and I am very HOT. LOL
Dubwise
@Rigato: I don’t think anyone has accused statham of being an actor, or even attempting.
ousslander
His movies are greate escapist fare which I love.NOt everyone needs to be some deep get lost in your character kind of “actor”. MOst are just playing a version of themselves.
Man is fine. Check out the Bank Job
manlovr
Jason Statham is the absolute HOTTEST man living on planet Earth.
Woof
When we getting the Jason Statham MORNING GOODS?????
REBELComx
I can see where Rigato is coming from. In fact, that sounds similar to a conversation I would have with Will Smith. And he may be right…though I don’t think Statham’s vocabulary would be that ridiculous or that his ego is quite that big. lol. He seems like a cool guy to me.
I liked the first Transporter, didn’t get to see the 2nd one. probably won’t see the 3rd one. And the medieval movie Statham did just looked like rubbish from the very start, so I didn’t bother with that. Have to say, though, I loved him in Snatch.
Darth Paul
@Woof: I heard THAT.
RomanHans
Nice to see folks calling Queerty on the carpet for this silly post. Gays like an action film series — whaddaya know? Aside from the fact Jason Statham is the hottest man on earth, and Luc Besson — the writer/director/producer of the first two “Transporter” films — wrote/directed/produced gay-friendly and/or just plain fabulous “The Fifth Element,” “La Femme Nikita,” and “Subway.”
seitan-on-a-stick
When the New York Compost Gossip Page 666 (or that ugly closeted dykey woman) column described a major action star who had to pay shut-up money to a male paramour (who he liked to beat the fuck up for Hot Sex) we mostly jumped on the Brendan Fraser fag-wagon. Wrong! Jason Stratham is the British butch queen who, if he learns to act, could rival other closeted actor Will Smith for Gay flesh action. And y’all thought the British were a nation of bottoms!