Holy crap. The Bible thumpers are not going to be happy about this!
Political campaigner Peter Tatchell just published a blog post on his website insinuating that God’s only son, Jesus Christ, may have been gay. But not only that. He may have had a thing for resurrected twinks. And he probably woke up each morning with an erection, too.
“Was Jesus queer?” Tatchell writes. “We don’t know. But it is a possibility that cannot be ruled out. One version of St. Mark’s gospel — which is still the subject of academic dispute — alludes to Jesus having a homosexual relationship with a youth he raised from the dead.”
Tatchell cites the following passage from the full text of St. Mark chapter 10 (between verses 34 and 35 in the standard version of the Bible) as evidence:
And the youth, looking upon him (Jesus), loved him and beseeched that he might remain with him. And going out of the tomb, they went into the house of the youth, for he was rich. And after six days, Jesus instructed him and, at evening, the youth came to him wearing a linen cloth over his naked body. And he remained with him that night, for Jesus taught him the mystery of the Kingdom of God.
Let’s break that down for a second…
So Jesus snuck into this dead twink’s tomb and turned him into a zombie. Then they went back to the kid’s fabulous pad. They hung out there for a few days, presumably getting to know one another, before the zombie/twink went to slip into something more comfortable. When he returned, he and Jesus had sex all night long.
“The precise nature of the relationship between Christ and the youth is not spelled out,” Tatchell notes. “Sexual relations are suggested but not explicitly stated.”
Tatchell continues: “What we can say for certain is that the standard, accepted Biblical narrative gives us no information at all about Jesus’s sexuality. This absence of firm information does not, of course, mean that we can take it for granted that Christ was heterosexual.”
So what does it mean then?
“[W]e simply don’t know whether Jesus was straight, gay, bisexual or celibate,” Tatchell writes. “Since nothing in the Bible points to Christ having erotic feelings for women, or relationships with the female sex, the possibility of him being gay cannot be discounted.”
“The Bible tells us that Jesus was born a man and therefore presumably had male sexual feelings,” Tatchell concludes. “It would have been more or less impossible, biologically, for him not to have an element of erotic arousal–even if only having the normal male response of waking with an erection.”
Cue the enraged backlash in 3… 2… 1…