Christ On A Cracker

Jesus Will Allegedly “Kill All The Sodomites” When He Pops Back Around

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For generations, millions of American citizens have happily put their lives on hold to sit around and wait for Jesus to come. Though, judging by recent predictions, it’s hard to see what they’re so excited about.

Related: PHOTOS: 18 Times Jesus Was The Savior Of Sexiness

For instance, Family Research Council’s Jerry Boykin predicts that when Christ comes back to take what is rightfully his, he’ll be carrying an AR-15 assault rifle. (Isn’t that a country song?) Endtime preachers believe Donald Trump is being used to trumpet the Second Coming, which poises Jesus as an exterminating angel if there ever was one.

Now, we can add the always heinous extremist Theodore Shoebat to the mix, who, in his trademark Old Navy regalia, said last week that Jesus Christ will be coming soon to slaughter all the gay people.

Related: PHOTOS: Hunky Jesus Contest Brings Beloved Sacrilege Back To San Francisco

“In a biblical society,” he states, “every fag would be rounded up and killed. But that’s not going to happen, but believe me, when Jesus comes back, Jesus is going to kill all these sodomites. You’re going to be praying to be living under a Catholic society from the Middle Ages because when Jesus comes back, it’s going to be a lot more brutal.”

Related: Jesus Was Gay, Or “At The Very Least” Queer, Says Theologian

“He’s going to find all you bastards and he’s going to slaughter every single one of you,” said Shoebat, smiling for the camera. “I can’t wait for that day to come. It’s going to be a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful world.”

Well, if you gotta go, it beats cancer.

Watch Theodore Shoebat’s latest rant below: