Joan Rivers: Chelsea Handler’s “An Ordinary Girl That Was F*cking Somebody High Up”

After Chelsea Handler went on The Howard Stern Show Monday and told Joan Rivers to “f*ck off,” Rivers returned fire on Wednesday’s show.

“Number one, the girl made it on her back fucking the president, we all know that, of the network,” Joan said of Handler. “Number two, she’s fine, she’s ordinary. She’s not a genius. She’s an ordinary girl that was fucking somebody high up in the industry and they gave her a break and she’s doing okay. Whatever she is, she’s a drunk. I don’t wish her good luck, I don’t wish her bad luck. I don’t think she’s particularly funny. But don’t you come after me, you whore!”

Wow, looks like the gays are gonna have to pick sides here.

We don’t know why these ladies are at each others’ throats anyway. They’re both bottle blondes obsessed with preserving themselves—Chelsea with Stoli, Joan with the blood of young virgins.

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  • Norm Castle

    At least Chelsea is getting fucked…Joan has probably grown back and grassed over.

  • Oh, ok.

    Chelsea is the one always making homophobic comments, Chelsea is the one always being defended by gays. Go figure.

  • Steven

    Is this really necessary? I mean a feud between these two? We love both of them. I hope they make peace soon.

  • tj

    @ Oh, Ok.
    Couldn’t have said it better myself. I find her extremely insulting and not in a subversive sort of Lisa Lampenelli way. Bigotry is not funny.
    But I mean I hope no ones comparing her to Joan Rivers… that’s like comparing Willow Smith to Aretha Franklin…

  • Isaac C

    “Wow, looks like the gays are gonna have to pick sides here.”

    No, we don’t. To hell with both of these bleeding vaginas. There are more important issues to focus on that actually affect gays directly.

  • Gpants

    Team Joan. I declare!

  • MKe

    That was obvious a few years ago when Chelsea got her start and nobody knew who she was. But she’s become her own person now.

  • Franco

    I’ll always side with Joan although both ladies make me laugh.

  • Desdemona

    JOAN all the way!! I’m so glad she’s calling this bitch Chelsea out!! She said exactly what I’ve always wanted to say about Chelsea- she’s not funny and she’s a bitch! Of course, a lot of comedy comes from mocking people- but Joan does it as a craft where Chelsea just hurls insults. It’s about time someone took Chelsea down a notch.

  • ChrisC

    Joan also did a “New Yorkers For Equality” PSA. Chelsea should watch Joans amazing documentary “A Piece Of Work” and realize just what Joan went through and did for women like Chelsea. Team Joan.

  • Ted

    I hate to say it, but Joan is right.

  • Gooey

    At least Joan is funny.

  • rory

    Exactly, Joan makes me laugh, Chelsea doesn’t; she’s a wanker.

  • Wesley Horace

    joan isn’t making anything up. we all know its the truth. but i still like chelsea and think she’s funny. you really need to respect your elders.

  • Joe Bua

    @Norm Castle: Joan Rivers is 78 years old. She is still relevant, has two series on the air, sells a ton of stuff at QVC and paved the way for Kathy, Chelsea, Whitney, Lisa Lampanelli and anyone else you can think of.

    You’re making ageist remarks in the face of this legacy?

    You don’t deserve to be a homosexual man.

  • Cam

    The one thing…

    I don’t think you can disagree with Joan. Chelsea was an unknown comic who WAS sleeping with the president of the network who then gave her a show. As soon as the show got some ratings she dumped the guy.

    She’s done well on the show. But I can’t find fault with Joan’s statement.

  • Kim

    Team Joan- CH is a racist(anti Black and anti Asian comments) and homphobe She is homely and not funny

  • christopher di spirito

    Joan is 1,000% correct.

    Chelsea Handler is a vicious, talentless hack. She isn’t remotely funny. She got where she is using her peesh. The other one is Whitney Cummings. Another talentless hack who has her own TV show on NBC and is consistently at the bottom of the ratings.

    I will bet anyone $10 dollars Whitney is screwing an NBC executive.

  • Philip

    Joan is correct AND funny. The other one? Not so much.

  • brandon

    everyones a little bit racist! sometimes…….

  • Owen

    I am SO Team Joan.

  • Chadboy

    LOVE JOAN. LOATHE CHELSEA (the “comic” and not the neighborhood.)

  • Lazycrockett

    Joan’s just upset cause she couldn’t make it on late night, not even on Fox.

  • Bryan

    Joan has always been by far the funnier of the two, it’s not even close, and here’s coming from someone who’s seen both of their works.

  • tom

    All you JOANRANGERS defend your queen lol.
    John Rivers is a LEGEND and has been consitently funny for decades and she is a true friend of gays. She works for many causes that directly benefit us so CH can suck it….oh wait she already has thats how she got the show. If yo haven’t seen Joan’s show Fashion Police you are truly missing one of the funniest 1/2 hours on TV.

  • Coffee&Chicory

    Chelsea Handler sucks. Joan could kick her ass, hands down.

  • Mike UK

    I wouldn’t argue with Joan!

  • Marie Cohn

    Gay-per-View Special: $59.99. Joan. Chelsea. Cage. Nunchucks. Only one comes out alive.

  • Meowzer

    Team Joan all the way! Handler is a pathetic Rivers wannabe!

  • uh huh

    Team Joan all the way. I’ve worked with Chelsea…she’s a cunt – and not in a fun way. Joan is funny as hell and even more gracious than she needs to be for someone with her career.

  • kingkuy

    joan talks a lot of shit and rarely is any of it funny

    chelsea is funny… joan is not

  • newcityspot

    Joan is right. She almost always is. Chelsea’s not funny, but she puts things together well enough to make people laugh. They just achieved success and fame in their own way. I support them both, and it doesn’t matter if they get along, I’ll watch them both.

  • JeffR

    Team Joan, although I do enjoy “Chelsea Lately” occasionally. Joan paved the way for Chelsea and her peers in a very mysogenistic industry.
    Although both can be a bit mean spirited, I’ve always found that Joan is an equal opportunity bitch, picking on everyone, unlike Chelsea, who has a tendency to suck up to new celebrity BFFs like Jennifer Anniston, Reese Witherspoon and Robin Wright while nastily trashing Angelina Jolie. Why?!? I daresay that Angelina has given more money to charities than Jennifer and is probably the more critically acclaimed actress/bigger movie star. Is Jennifer Anniston Hollywood’s new Mother Theresa?!? Above the nasty comments made at Jolie’s expense? Why? If you objectively compare “Fashion Police” and “Chelsea Lately” Joan takes more risks, has more bite and is actually edgier in her humor/snark. Why? Chelsea, IMO, is a bit reminiscent of Perez (when outing defenseless closet cases) in his heyday – picking on the more defenseless/or who choose to ignore her barbs while she refrains from trashing those with more clout unless they’re the Kardashians (and there was a time when she was very nice to them. Ughhh!) Why? That’s not being a good comedian, especially one who is being profiled by “Yhe New York Times.” (Note: The one recent exception to this may be Chelsea’s outing of Luke Evans – the only mainstrean media person to do so. Perhaps they don’t share the same publicist/management team?)
    I would ask Chelsea’s defenders the following: Have you noticed that Chelsea’s panel has always includes a very limited group of lgbt comedians that reinforce traditional stereotypes – the effeminate queen with/ without weight issues and the butch lesbian?!? Why?!? Where are the lgbt equivalents of a Josh Wolfe, Arden Marie, Whitney Cummings, Dov, et,al. Chelsea and/or her casting director could easily view reruns of HereTV’s lgbt comic series to broaden the mix a bit on her panels – Shawn Hollenbach and Dave Rubin, numerous bloggers, et,al., immediately come to mind but there are many more talents out there. Once again, if she is such an ally of our community and so cutting edge, why stick with/reinforce such traditional steroetypes?!? Not terribly cutting edge, IMO.
    Chelsea had no qualms about outing a very young Chris Colfer on her show, yet on “Regis and Kelly” she was very sweet to the allegedly gay Matt Bomer while discussing house hunting and facetiously suggesting that they should partner up. Why? Perhaps because he’s incredibly well connected? She certainly had no qualms about trashing Joan, Mariah and others on Howard Stern’s show. Isn’t her forte her allaged bluntness, honesty and outrageousness? Chelsea’s rather selective in her outrageousness. She’ll make fun of people on her show, Howard’s, but not “R & K” or Leno’s show. Joan’s appearances always contain some barbs. Hmmmm. Chelsea’s defenders should think about these points before rushing to Chelsea’s defense and trashing Joan – perhaps learn to be a bit more discerning and critical.
    Best, JeffR

  • Allen D.

    Have you ever seen Joan on “The View”? It’s PAINFUL. She’s even less funny than Behar (and that’s hard to do). “Fashion Police” is somewhat passable. Must have better writers.

    Chelsea rocks. She’s laughing with us, not at us. And I’ve been watching her since her “Girls Behaving Badly” days.

  • Mike UK

    no idea who this Chelsea woman is, never heard of her but when Joan is on the tv over here as she has done since the early 80’s she is always worth watching and very funny and even more funny when she’s taking the piss out of herself!

    Perhaps Chelsea should come over here and see if she can cut it with a British audience!

  • seito

    I don’t find Handler funny but why sh!t on someone else’s parade?

  • Grrrowler

    Joan Rivers = Household name
    Chelsea Handler = Who?

    Tom (post 24) says correctly that Joan is a legend. Love her or hate her, she’s been around for decades and has earned everything she has. Personally, I think she’s incredible.

    Until today I’d never heard of Chelsea Handler. I had to resort to Wikipedia to learn anything about her and I really don’t care to learn more.

  • Dionte

    Team Joan, I never liked Chelsea.

  • knickname

    Joan Rivers actually has a career and has done stuff. Chelsea Handler is a dumb bitch. Oh, look at me I’m a drunk whore, isn’t that funny? No, no it’s not. She’s a moron and the female equivalent of Daniel Tosh, another unfunny douchebag.

  • cindee33

    @Isaac C: Thank you. Most gays I know are intelligent and aren’t all into the comedians who like to say they have such a big gay following with these women.

  • cindee33

    You know I always thought Chelsea was just trying to impress the younger women who like her by saying she drinks vodka all the time and does all that partying. If she did it would really show. I’m sure she may have done it when she was younger but probably not now. Some of the stuff Chelsea says or what is written for her is somewhat humorous but it mystifies me when they say she is worth so many millions and her “books” are on the NY times bestseller list. I guess allot of the women are acting like her. As in Jenny McCarthy writing a book about taking drugs and having sex with a tree. This was when they were in their 20’s if it is true. Who didn’t go stupid stuff. I really don’t know why people think these women are so funny. (not talking about Joan here) There is one girl who is pretty funny her name is Amy can’t remember the last name. I shouldn’t even be commenting on this, as I don’t care about show biz and the pretend feuds to get publicity. I’m out of here. Have a great day all.

  • cindee33

    @Desdemona: Well said.

Comments are closed.