Joan Rivers Gets The Touching (And Hilariously Offensive) Sendoff She Deserves

Opening Night of "Gore Vidal's The Best Man", ArrivalsJoan Rivers’ funeral was held yesterday in New York City, and as was to be expected, it was a spectacle the likes of which Joan would most certainly have approved.

Fans gathered outside Rivers’ fabulously decadent apartment, and her daughter Melissa was so moved by their presence that she came out to thank them personally. Here she is on what must have been a very difficult day:

funeral-joan-riversCelebrities were high in number at the Upper East Side synagogue where the service was held — who else but Joan could get Howard Stern, Sarah Jessica Parker, Diane Sawyer, Whoopi Goldberg, Donald Trump and Steve Forbes all in the same room? To say nothing of Barbara Walters, Hugh Jackman, Barry Diller, Rosie O’Donnell, John Waters and Margret Cho.

Here are photos of the memorial program — note that Audra McDonald and Hugh Jackman performed songs:

10690031_10152732052351908_7674045266065985223_n Screen Shot 2014-09-08 at 2.21.21 PM Screen Shot 2014-09-08 at 2.21.30 PM Screen Shot 2014-09-08 at 2.21.43 PM

Cho wrote about the experience on her website, which will give you a sense of what it was like in the incredibly high-security memorial. Long story short — lots of tears, but not without a few good laughs.

She wrote in a post called Putting the fun back in funeral:

We all wept – like professional mourners…In the morose silence Howard Stern said, “Joan Rivers had a dry pussy.”

At first, the words just hung there, as no one knew exactly what to do. Of course I started laughing hysterically, and everyone else, remembering who we were there to honor, followed suit. Howard Stern actually choked back tears as he continued – “Joan’s pussy was so dry it was like a sponge – so that when she got in the bathtub – whooooosh – all the water would get absorbed in there! Joan said that if Whitney Houston had as dry a pussy as Joan’s, she would still be alive today…”

It was so wrong but so right at the same time. So Joan. So great. RIP my friend.


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  • redcarpet30

    I’m adding it to my will: Everyone speaking at my funeral must tell 2 dick jokes and drop at least one F bomb, including the pastor.

  • Masc Pride

    LOL @ “Meryl Streep crying in five different accents”. Melissa is a class act.

  • michael mellor

    Joan could have aged gracefully but she had so much plastic surgery, she was starting to look like Jocelyn Wildenstein. She refused to face reality.

  • Kieran

    You got to hand it to her, she managed to go out on Top at age 81. When most 81 year olds die, people say things like, “well, atleast they had a full life.” When Joan died at 81, people had the unmistakable feeling she was just starting to hit her professional stride. There’s a feeling of having been cheated out of a few more years of entertainment and laughs.

  • Cobalt Blue

    How many fans were in front of her building, two? I’ll always remember her as the bitch who said that palestinians deserved what they were taken because they started all trouble… Let’s move on.

  • Harley

    @Cobalt Blue: Hmmm lets see. Hamas fired rockets into Israel. Israel responds. Lets move on.

  • Cobalt Blue

    @Harley: No. The problem there began at year 70 A.D. It’s more complicated than a childish explanation like I made this because you made me that…

  • lykeitiz

    @Cobalt Blue: Every country has history, and not all of it is good.

    But, in the world we live in TODAY, Hamas wouldn’t stop firing rockets, so Israel responded.

    And there were MANY more than 2 fans in front of Joan Rivers’ building, while we’re discussing revisionist history.

  • ted72

    She’ll be missed as many of us grew up with her. :(

  • MarionPaige

    In more modern times, Palestine was taken and occupied by the British. The British then gave it up as part of some UN action after World War II to create the state of Israel. Back in the 70’s or so, there was a book written by a rather infamous mobster who wrote that he met Menachem Begin (I think) at a mob gathering, Begin was trying to buy guns for his zionist “group’s” efforts to force the British out of Palestine.

    In effect, there were bombings and attacks and people dying in Palestine back “then” as there are today, only the “assault” was on the British occupation of Palestine.

    For some dumb old bitch comedian like Joan Rivers to even be asked her opinion on the Palestine conflict is pretty much a joke.

    Seriously, no sane person in American has any respect for Joan Rivers. When her “friends” in the media are gone, history will not be kind to her and, God knows that the photographic evidence of what she looked like will not be kind to her.

  • MarionPaige

    someone somewhere said, ‘terrorists who succeed are called freedom fighters”

    “For several months in 1945–46, the Irgun’s activities were coordinated within the framework of the Hebrew Resistance Movement. Begin ordered the bombing of the British administrative and military headquarters at the King David Hotel in Jerusalem, in 1946. The attack was conducted as part of a joint response to the British Operation Agatha, during which many Jews were arrested, weapons were seized and the Jewish Agency, from which many documents were removed, was raided. Irgun later claimed that warnings to evacuate had been sent but were ignored. 91 people, British, Arab and Jewish, were killed.” Menachem Begin – wikipedia

  • stranded

    @michael mellor: I agree that i didn’t like the end result of all her surgeries, but when you said she failed to face reality, i disagree. Its always going to be different for a woman. If she has zero surgeries, I think she wouldn’t have been able to get this last wind in her career, with fashion police. People are more accepting of a plastic looking face than a aged face.

  • PhuphuPhlourPatch

    OMG! If only Joan were here now to put these off-topic party-poopers in their place! Rich fodder here for a deliciously irreverent wisecrack from her.

  • BigGayMe

    I worked 5 years with that old lady… Was the best five years of my life. See you next Tuesday is what she would he called me. However she only used one word LOL

  • ScaryRussianHeather

    Yeah, yeah, yeah, we get it. Caliphate yada yada. Exterminate the Jews and Infidels…. blah blah blah.

    The first international war the USA experienced was with Islamic terrorists. The Barbary War anybody???.

    Ya’ll have been caliphat-ing for 1400 years LOL.

    Killing “Infidels” (Christians) since before the Ottoman empire, FFS.

    Take several seats.

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