John Stamos shares embarrassing masturbation story

Need a break from all the post-election analysis? Well here’s something vitally important to focus your precious brainpower on: John Stamos has a story to tell you about masturbation.

An embarrassing one. And he can’t wait to tell it.

Appearing on Busy Philips new late-night talk show Busy Tonight, the Full House star was finally able to get something off his… chest — sure, let’s go with ‘chest.’

Related: John Stamos Reveals The Only Man He’d Have Sex With

“This is an absolutely true story and I’ve been waiting to tell this story …trying to get pregnant and we had to do a thing, and we had to go to a fertility, ya know, place,” he said. “And I had to go give a sperm sample. I can’t believe I’m finally getting to tell this story. And I went into this little room where they go, ‘Go in there…’ And they said, ‘If you need any stimulation or whatever there’s videos and there’s a TV here, just turn the thing.’”

Well, he did ‘turn the thing’, and the image that stared back at him was not what he was expecting/hoping for.

Tune into the 2:53 mark for the riveting conclusion: