HOW TO WHISTLE

Johnny Weir’s Husband Is Ho-Hum On Blow Jobs

Johnny Weir Voronov biting llStop the presses! A famous person said something, and then a less famous person said something else about the first famous person. Don’t worry, TMZ was present to capture the entire incident for future historians to scrutinize.

Apparently at one point the figure skating fashion icon Johnny Weir told TMZ that he wanted to give a blow job in space. Every young man’s dream, right? So already this is a very classy situation. TMZ later caught up with Johnny’s husband Victor Voronov, whose name sounds like a character in a Sesame Street song about the letters at the end of the alphabet, to get more details.

“I think we could get a little more creative with fellatio in space,” Victor said, for no apparent reason other than someone was pointing a camera at him. “We’ve done it. We haven’t done it in space, but if we’re going to go to space, we might as well do something new.”

“You’re not worried about gravity or anything like that?” asked a voice from off camera. Wait, what? Gravity? What exactly does this man think a blow job is? Is he picturing weights and counterbalances and an Archimedes screw? Unless you’re getting head from one of those nodding-bird stress toys, low gravity is probably not going to hold you back one way or another.

Anyway, you will be relieved to hear that Victor is not concerned about gravity. Whew. Please do your part to spread the word.

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