A young mom recently discovered her boyfriend has a secret Grindr account and she doesn’t know what to do about it, so she’s turning to advice guru Colleen Nolan for help.
Quick backstory: The woman and her boyfriend met when they were teenagers and have been together on-and-off for nearly a decade. They share an apartment and recently had a daughter together.
“Just before our daughter was born I found out he’d been using the gay dating app Grindr,” the woman explains. “I had a feeling something was wrong and checked his phone and found he’d been messaging a man he’d met on there.”
Related: Her Husband No Longer Wants To Have Sex So He’s Gotta Be Gay–Right?!
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When she confronted her boyfriend about it, he assured her “it wasn’t sexual and they had just been chatting.”
“I was so wrapped up in preparing for our baby, I pushed all my doubts to one side and let it go,” the woman writes.
After the baby was born, she says, “everything seemed perfect”. That is, until recently.
“I’ve discovered he’s been back on Grindr and messaging different men,” she explains. “I’ve confronted him about it again and he swears he’s not gay but I just don’t know what to think.”
She can’t help but wonder: Is he attracted to guys?
“I can’t face the thought of being a single mum,” she laments, “but I can’t stay with somebody who is attracted to men either.”
Related: Woman Panics After Discovering Her Friend’s Husband On Grindr
In her response, Colleen tells the young mom: “He may only be chatting with these guys, but that’s still cheating.”
“If he was messaging girls he’d met on a dating app, that wouldn’t be OK either, would it?”
The fact that he’s chatting with men, she says, complicates matters. Maybe he boyfriend is gay. Maybe he’s bisexual. Maybe he’s bicurious. Who knows? But until the woman sits down and has an open conversation with him, she’s never going to know.
“He needs to start being open and honest with you,” Colleen writes. “I don’t think it’s acceptable for him to shut you down or refuse to speak about it.”
“You’re a couple, you have a baby and you deserve a proper explanation as to what exactly is going on.”
What advice would you give this woman? Share you pearls of wisdom in the comments section below…
Geeker
Run away!
barkomatic
Or, he may be gay and accepts it but is using her to have kids. Since they’re not married there’s no divorce to pay for and he might be ok with the support payments. Otherwise, it costs quite a bit and there are many hoops to jump through for two gay men to have children.
I met a guy once who told me he had a girlfriend for that very reason–and she didn’t know it. I don’t know why he told me this, but I thought that was particularly selfish and cruel.
Chester1961
Well, I think you can best look at this situation by looking at his parents and friends views on being gay. Many men stay “in the closet” because of how they were raised and what their parents religious values might be… I am from Utah so I know what I am talking about, trust me.
But the bottom line is that I believe he is bi-curious and it would be wise of you to somehow get it out in the open. Grinder is sex based and rarely do guys “meet for coffee” on that site.
I am sorry you have to go through this situation, especially with a new baby. I don’t really like to assume but you need to think of your baby and yourself at this time. Good luck!
Greg
People like this are annoying. One day I walked into the house and found my boyfriend naked in bed with a buddy of his and his buddy was having anal intercourse with my boyfriend. Later, after they finished, I asked my boyfriend if he was gay. He insisted that he wasn’t and that they were just practicing a new workout routine. Boy, was I relieved. I mean, after finding texts from other guys on his phone and now this, what’s a girl supposed to think?
Brian
The Mirror is fake news. This probably never happened. Instead, it’s the kind of sensational headline that gets people to buy a copy or to click a link. They’re profiting off homophobia. If you can’t verify it from a real news source, don’t repost it.
Brian
A news source? It’s a freaking advice column. There is nothing to verify.
Josh447
Wow girl named Greg, you nailed it!
Trekbike
Funny as helll
surreal33
I truly feel sorry for women like her extremely needy and delusional. Everybody wants to be loved however I failed understand why anyone male or female would accept a liar and cheater instead of being alone. This woman is opening herself and any future children to unnecessary disease and heartache. Yes disease he is clearly sneaking around having random sexual encounters with men he meets online. Society still says subtly and not subtly says it is not okay to be a gay man so men use this as an excuse to lie and lead a double life. The article clearly stated the woman felt something was wrong yet she still making excuses. Women need to understand there is no curious, there is no chatting, if a man is even remotely involved in anything even slightly gay he is GAY and will have sexual encounters with men. Being gay is part of you DNA having a child, being married, being loving supportive partner CANNOT change gay. The same sex attraction can’t be ignore and it will NEVER go away.
Ichiraku Ramen
“if a man is even remotely involved in anything even slightly gay he is GAY” That’s horseshit! Bisexuality is very real! Being involved in a romantic or even a sexual gay encounter doesn’t mean you’re automatically gay. As a bisexual man I could be happy in either a closed relationship with a man or woman. Being bi doesn’t give you the right to cheat, but it also doesn’t mean you will cheat. This kind of ignorance your spewing is hateful and needs to die.
Pete le meat
Are you homophobic?
Pete le meat
Her man is entitled to have same-sex feelings. She has no right to stop them. She has the right to demand faithfulness in body but not in mind.
Brian
Shes not trying to change his feelings, she’s trying to get him to stop chatting guys up on gay sex apps.
surreal33
Mr Ichiraku Ramen what is hateful is looking a woman in eyes and feigning love and commitment while planning your next outing to suck dick. Also, the article clearly stated she confronted him as to why he was on Grindr and he lied. Bisexuality was never mentioned in the article so your attempt at subterfuge failed. Finally what needs to die is the arrogance of certain men (gay, straight, curious, questioning) who put selfish sexual needs above all else.
Pete le meat
You need to distinguish between cheating and sexuality. They’re not the same thing.
radiooutmike
They have been “on and off” for a decade? I wonder if this child is planned?
QueerTruth
If she swallowed, this could have been avoided.
Pete le meat
How is he cheating? Evidence, please!
winnie
No, he’s doing anthropological research !!