A 28-year-old man says his gay lover insists they keep their affair a secret. Now he isn’t sure what to do, so he’s asking advice guru Deirdre Sanders for help.
The two guys met on Grindr shortly after his parents moved into the house next door.
“I was shocked but so excited because I had assumed he was straight,” the man explains. “He lives with his girlfriend, who is having his baby in a couple of months.”
They met up. Things went well, so they met up again. And again. And again. Pretty soon, they were lovers.
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Related: Married man grapples with bisexual urges and being faithful to wife, seeks advice
“He is 26 and says he loves me but he often cancels plans to meet. He just comes round to mine for sex,” the man writes. “I have kept his secret so far but I think he is using me for sex and I want revenge.”
Using him for sex? Well, they did meet on Grindr.
In her response, Deirdre doesn’t mince words.
“Tell him bluntly how you feel and that you will never have sex with him again,” she advises. “Point out that he is risking his sexual health and his girlfriend’s too, as cheating always does.”
She continues by saying revenge probably isn’t the smartest way to go about things, especially considering that the man’s parents live right next door.
“Your neighbors would hate you for it, not their son,” she writes, “and on top of this, you can’t be sure how it would affect his relationship.”
“His girlfriend can’t undo being pregnant now.”
Related: Straight man can’t stop having gay incest dreams, seeks advice from professional dream expert
What do you think this guy should do? Share your thoughts in the comments section…
jkb
If he can’t deal with the guy juggling his life as he sees fit, he should break it off with no vengeance. He knew what he was getting into, the guy never lied.
jkb
To him, anyway
Paco
The harsh reality of having your “straight” man. I have no sympathy for him. He knew the guy was living a heterosexual life with the pregnant girlfriend and still chose to be the secret lover on the side.
He needs to walk away quietly or shut up and continue to lay in the bed of muck he made for himself. The fact that he feels he is only being used for sex should tell him that he will always be the unimportant loser where the girlfriend and child are concerned. At least until the other guy needs to use him as a tissue to blow all over again.
Brian
Why do people even have to ask questions like this? If you can’t figure stuff like this out on your own, where there is only one correct answer and it’s obvious from a mile away, your parents have really failed you.
Jaxton
How is the cheater risking his sexual health and that of his wife? If his male lover is STD-free, he is not risking his sexual health at all. Deirdre’s reply is inappropriate and perhaps prejudiced.
There is NO RISK of STD if both people don’t have STD.
In any case, cheating is not morally tight. Marriage is a vow of monogamy. Unless the heterosexually married guy is built like Tom of Finland and drives a Ferrari, becoming his boyfriend would be totally out of the question for me….
DarkZephyr
The cheater is risking the sexual health of his girlfriend and his boyfriend, because how can either of them trust him? Who knows if he’s just stopping at these two? He sounds like an insatiable selfish a**.
DarkZephyr
Yeah my sympathy for the gay guy is pretty low. As others have pointed out, he knew he was getting it on with a guy who was in a relationship from the very start. That makes him a douche bag in my book. The person I feel sorry for is the girlfriend.
Xzamilloh
Mine is nonexistent. I actually think he’s as big a piece of garbage as the “Straight” guy is. The only innocent person is the unsuspecting girlfriend.
Prax07
I say out the guy to his family and girlfriend. Revenge is the best medicine, and knowing and pushing the open hostility it’ll bring to the guy’s family would be icing on the cake, at least to me. Seeing the guy’s family day in and day out would certainly bring me joy knowing my living next door would make them permanently uncomfortable, if I were in the bf’s shoes.
Xzamilloh
Damn, Petty and Veronica. Is your rap name Petty Wap? Do you eat petty melts for lunch?
Franklyn
You knew going in and now sense those same issues and problems exist. Time to make a decision. Once the child is born you are going to become SECONDARY in this guy’s life. Sure – great sex. But if you expect more, forget it.
Wake up. Make some hard decisions. It doesn’t get better.
Saps48
So often the Queerty headline doesn’t match the article. As in this case: He didn’t “find out” his so-called lover had a pregnant girlfriend — he knew she was expecting before they hooked up. I wonder why the editors do that…
Xzamilloh
Clickbait.