Casual sex. It’s always been a pretty huge part of gay culture.
Earlier this week, a young man shared a story about the time a Grindr hookup’s “hulk-sized d*ck” ended up rupturing his airway and sending him to the emergency room.
19-year-old Fredy Alanis spent three days in the hospital, where he posed for this selfie from his hospital bed:
Excuse the bad angle but remember when I sucked a hulk sized dick and ended up in the ER afterwards LMFAO never forget pic.twitter.com/dvaEITTcVs
— Freds Dead (@ELECTRIC_PAPI) July 5, 2018
“In the long run, to me, it was worth it,” Alanis told Into. “And I would do it over again.”
How about we take this to the next level?
Our newsletter is like a refreshing cocktail (or mocktail) of LGBTQ+ entertainment and pop culture, served up with a side of eye-candy.
Related: Man tweets harrowing tale of how another guy’s 10-incher landed him in the ER
But what about gay guys who aren’t into random Grindr hookups or the potential for having their airways ruptured by complete strangers? Where do they fit into the gay community?
A few months ago, 25-year-old Liam told GQ that, despite being in his sexual prime, he hasn’t had sex in over a year.
Liam doesn’t think he has a low libido, he just doesn’t crave sex the same way his peers seem to.
“I certainly feel like there are expectations tied to gay identity surrounding sex,” he says. “I think there’s a perception among my peer group from straight people that they presume that I do have lots of sex.”
22-year-old Craig can relate. He broke up with his boyfriend nine months ago and hasn’t had sex once time since.
“I think we assume that a single gay man is having sex,” he explains. “But nine months down the line, I haven’t had any. None at all.”
He continues, “I think me being gay amplifies some of this pressure. There’s a focus on appearance, categorization, youth, and the like that colors dating and sex in our community.”
But these young men might not as out-of-the-ordinary as they feel.
Related: Apparently “half-night stands” are all the rage among millennials
A 2015 study conduced by researchers from San Diego State University found that millennials are actually having less sex than other generations despite having greater access to it thanks to dating apps and websites.
“Millennials hold the most permissive sexual attitudes of any generation, though they chose to have sex with fewer partners than Gen X’ers did at the same age,” Professor Jean Twenge said.
Some of this may be cultural. But it could also have to do with libido.
RomanHans
“Sex is a relational experience. Humans need to feel safe, respected, connected and valued in order for their bodies and minds to work appropriately.”
That’s an interesting opinion, but I prefer to hear facts from alleged scientists.
MikeE
This just in: water wet.
Chrisk
“I have a lot of anxieties around sex,”
Yes. You could’ve just ended it there and we would’ve understood just as much.
laurent7465
“Sex is a relational experience. Humans need to feel safe, respected, connected and valued in order for their bodies and minds to work appropriately.”
I can totally relate. I’ve had sex 3 or 4 times in the last 13 years. I used to think something was wrong with me when I was younger because I wasn’t like my friends and didn’t hook-up every night or cruise the parks or bathrooms. Yet, at 53, I still think sex is something you don’t hand out to every Tom, Dick and Harry and that’s ok. So is giving it to every T, D & H. It’s whatever works for each person. There’s no shame either way. All that being said, it still would be nice if guys weren’t so damn focused on their dicks 24/7. What are you going to have to offer when you can’t get it up anymore?
Chrisk
Oh I don’t know. Stories of the hot sex you used to have:-)
Prax07
I could have hooked up with three different guys on Friday night, all three attractive to me in different ways, but I’m normally not into casual sex either. I’m not wired that way. I prefer to know the guy, to feel safe with the guy, and you don’t need a scientific study to know here are those of us that feel that way.
RobtheElder
I have a number of friends who feel that if they went out clubbing and didn’t get laid, they had somehow failed the gay prime directive. I have never felt that way. The only unfulfilled evening for me was when someone I met pressured me to do something I’d later regret. It’s one thing to be so interested in/drawn to another individual you happen to meet that you want to have a sexual relationship (or one night stand), but it’s quite another issue to feel that everyone you meet is after that outcome, and who will be very unfulfilled if he doesn’t get you naked and score. Tough life guyo, but I don’t take my clothes off for everybody, and while you may be disappointed, I won’t be bothered… at all! … RobtheElder
Coruna2018
I am certainly wired to have sex 99% of the time with someone I value and care about. I am very relational. Like so many others have commented, I give my body to special people, not just anyone. No shading anyone that’s out for sex every night. I did it. I do think that much of the casual sex, especially among LGBTQ people of my generation (late Baby Boomers) and younger, piggybacked off the liberation that the early Boomers had after Stonewall. It became: you have casual sex every night or there’s something wrong with you. Gay media (including you, Qweerty!) really hit the message hard that casual sex is fun, carefree, and one of the main factors that makes one LGBTQ. That expectation is driving a lot of people to have sex with people they would, otherwise, not touch. Observations and anecdotes from myself and those I know. No casual sex ever equaled lovemaking with a partner for me. To each his or her own.
Coruna2018
One last thing, anyone of any sexual orientation can use casual sex to medicate: to numb out emotional/psychological pain from sexual abuse survivors, those in abusive or very bad breakups. Like alcohol and drugs, casual, super-frequent sex can be a way to numb out from healing oneself.
draven
I like me sex but casual sex leaves you empty and wondering when is the next time and have I contracted some kind of std. i wonder if I’ll ever be happily married to a good man. I always wanted to be married since I was 15 years old. I’m 57 years young black guy. Just still waiting. Hope I can live another 40-50 years. I did tho have hot sex 3 weeks ago on summers eve. It was the 1st time in 3 years. It was safe too ….very hot!!!!!
DHT
I am a 57 years young white guy. I have committed to relationships with a series of guys who are just looking to advance. I have never stepped out when in a relationship but every guy I have committed to I found out has. I have learned to adjust my expectations accordingly. People say there is no “gay marriage” it is only “marriage” but If you look at the number of married gay men that are out there looking to hook up you have to wonder what is really going on.
geb1966
@DHT The reality of married men out there looking to hook up applies to ANY married couple not just gay ones.
djmcgamester
I relate. Without a doubt I spent many, many years on casual hookups, mostly outside of relationships but sometimes within (open). But it gets boring. Realistically, I want to settle down with someone in a closed relationship. It sucks that I have to state that I’m not interested in sex on the first date. These days, I want my sex to be meaningful rather than a random fuck.
DHT
yes…not all gay men like casual sex…of course. They are the same guys who have fantasies about white wedding dresses.