A bride-to-be (or not-to-be, as it were) is having cold feet after her fiancé put his homophobia on full display before their wedding. Can you blame her?
Not only that, the groom’s antigay aggression was directed at his own brother and look, we obviously can’t judge a person’s whole character based on one Reddit post, but if this isn’t an enormous red flag we don’t know what is.
The story comes from the man’s sister, a professional wedding planner who’d initially agreed to plan the event for free.
Related: He refused to attend his twin’s gay wedding, so why is the internet defending him?
How about we take this to the next level?
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For the sake of her story, she refers to her straight, engaged brother as “B,” and their younger, gay brother as “J.”
“Everything was going pretty well until maybe a week and a half before the wedding, when B told me to remove our little brother (J) [24M] from the guest list,” she wrote.
She continued: “I tried asking him why but the only answer he would give me is that J was ‘being stubborn and selfish’. Of course, I had to ask J about this, apparently B showed up at his apartment and offered to ‘let J attend the wedding as long as he doesn’t act so gay’. J of course took offense to that and told B to f*ck off, probably leading him to calling me and uninviting him.”
After that, she decided to rescind her generous offer to plan the wedding for free.
Related: The Internet has some strong words for ‘selfish’ man who came out at sister’s wedding
“I decided that uninviting J to the wedding was the last straw and that I’m not gonna keep helping B if he’s gonna continue to act like an a**hole to our own little brother. So I sent B all the info for everything I planned at that point, the contacts for the venue, the catering, decorations, everything. Then I told him that if he’s gonna keep treating J like sh*t then he should plan his own wedding because I’m not going to.”
Now the wedding is postponed indefinitely, and her whole family thinks it’s her fault. “When I tried to explain myself I got people telling me that I shouldn’t have done something so drastic over a petty squabble between brothers.”
But… plot twist! It turns out the postponement has nothing to do with the planning process.
Related: A botched photo of this gay couple at a wedding has delighted the Internet masses
“B’s fiancee has told everyone that it was her who decided to postpone the wedding, and it’s not because they couldn’t finish planning.
“She said that ‘this current situation with J has brought up some past issues in their relationship’ and that she needs more time to talk to B about it and reflect before fully committing to marrying him.”
There are plenty of non-homophobic fish in the sea…just sayin’.
ZzBomb
Ugh this sounds like my sister’s wedding, except it was my own father who told me not to be “too gay.” Ruined the entire ceremony and reception for me. Pretty much after dinner was over I left b/c I didn’t feel comfortable around anyone. Headed the bar and proceeded to get toasted and chat w/ other people.
Raphael
Why have you attended to the wedding then!? I don’t know why gay men put up with this… If someone tells me I am invited as long as I don’t be myself; I am definitely NOT going! You don’t have to prove anything to anyone, you don’t owe them anything just because it’s your family… To show up, only to stand quietly in the corner as some piece of decoration? No, thanks! If I were you, I would have called my sister, explained the situation, wished her a great wedding and told her that I would visit after the honeymoon.
KiraNerysRules
Sorry you had to go through that. Sounds awful. But, good for you for going somewhere afterwards to get the bad taste out of your mouth.
Raphael, I understand where you’re coming from, but we all progress at our own time. I’m going to guess ZzBomb felt uncomfortable, but wanted to be present for his sister. Why should he miss out on his sister’s big day because their father was being awful? ZzBomb did what he thought was right and what he could at the time. No need to tell him what he did wrong because most of us have been there before. And being placed in those terrible situations, forced to make impossible decisions, make us all stronger going forward.
Man About Town
What I find to be the real head-scratcher in this story is “the whole family thinks” the postponement is HER fault?? They should be supporting and admiring her for being principled and refusing to do what she does for a living as a freebie favor for the buttwipe brother. Kudos to both her and the suddenly enlightened fiancee!
abfab
Weddings or root canals. I’d choose the latter.
bachy
same!
PubisHairus
Same! I eloped. No family; just a few friends. No drama. No compromises. No resentment. Just love and gratitude for those few moments in time. It was perfect. Happiest day of my life.
bachy
I find that what people mean by “too gay” varies widely. I have a (gay) friend who tells me to “dial it back” whenever I use a word that indicates an education above sixth grade.
Apparently intelligence can be “too gay” nowadays.
screwtop
I once asked my psychiatrist sister-in-law what she thought of homosexuality. She paused for a moment – then said very slowly and carefully – “People who worry about other people’s sexuality are not confident in their own!”
Maybe B’s fiancee was seeing something like that, and decided to postpone the wedding while she thought about it a little bit more.
Diplomat
Not even. This is why I’d never go see a psychologist/psychiatrist. They can be the dumbest of them all.
SFHarry
Maybe she was thinking if he treats his own brother that way he will eventually treat her and her future children that way too. Probably a good assessment.
SDR94103
are they equating all gay men as feminine? STUPID.
woodin
It’s the goto stereotype used in media & entertainment
LunaSol2010
Bi or repressed closeted gay groom. End of issue. Homophobia is fear. He understands fear. I bet the clue is the experiences between groom and best man. There is smoke so let’s see what under the hood! Smart bride to pump the brakes. Intolerance of groom towards his own brother … shes taking great care as a compassionate person.
SFHarry
I’m not so quick to claim this guy as one of our own. He may just be an asshole.
Diplomat
Contrary to pop culture belief, hating effeminacy in men doesn’t translate to being gay. I don’t like drag queens, which doesn’t translate to me being one. Far from it. Wishful thinking aren’t facts.
PubisHairus
Sure, Jan.
tjack47
I’ve always been baffled by this notion of too gay. Gay men are notorious for perpetuating this homophobia within our own community. I think it’s called being oneself. I wouldn’t go. If he apologized, I wouldn’t go. His fiancee and sister are the sanity in this dysfunction. I’ve never met or known of a family without dysfunction.
mildredspierce
Same thing happened to me. I ended up lying to my parents that I had a work commitment. Both parents are gone now and I haven’t spoken to any of my siblings in 13 years. And he was the one brother that I thought understood.
Vellala
Sorry to know that. 13 years is a long time, hope you and family reconcile.
woodroad34
This was a transactional request…and the gay brother had every right…as part of the transaction….to request that the brother not act like an “a**hole” and then the gay brother will make the effort to not be so “gay” (whatever that means). When the bride comes up with some vague background history, this makes me think the groom has some endemic personality issues that he won’t be able to push down.
NateOcean
Does not acting “too gay”, preclude fellatio? Or just anal?
Yooper
It’s a Reddit post, take it with a grain of salt.