ANGLO FILE

Kate Middleton’s Baby Brother Is Most Certainly Not Gay (How Very Dare You!)

james middletonThough Pippa Middleton has been the breakout sibling to England’s Princess Kate, their 25-year-old brother, James, is also the source of ongoing tabloid rumors.

Besides gossip that his cake-kit company is in the loo and that he’s a party animal, there is persistent chatter that the Duchess of Cambridge’s bro is gay.

Part of it is his dandy style, but the attractive bloke hasn’t had a serious relationship since he got dumped in 2010. When you look like that, and are one degree removed from royalty, the rumors start swirling if you’re not swimming in ladies:

A failure to live up to the ‘It-boy’ stereotype by falling out of nightclubs with blondes on each arm has seen James endure widespread speculation about his sexuality.

After he gave the reading at sister Kate’s 2011 royal wedding, Web forums buzzed with chatter. James has never publicly discussed his private life, on the grounds that it would open a Pandora’s Box. But one of his closest friends — who was authorised by Middleton to speak to me — described the suggestion that he is gay as “ridiculous.”

‘Believe me,’ she said, ‘anyone who has known James for any length of time would know that’s nonsense. He’s just a heterosexual 25-year-old who is in no rush to couple up and seems happy with the single life.’

Another friend said: “If you’ve ever heard James talk privately about girls, you’d know he’s not gay. But he’s not that bothered by the rumours, either. He’s quite ‘metrosexual’ so, in a way, he takes it as a compliment.”

Oh, they always take it as a compliment!

If James, who shares an apartment with Pippa, is gay, there’s some lucky boy(s) out there: Quite a few naughty photos surfaced in 2008, and she ain’t half-bad.

There was the one of him using a hairdryer on his pubes, the one of him naked by the fireplace, him in French maid drag with a friend and, of course, the one of his mate buggering him in front of a sign that reads Back Lane.

We have totally given up trying to use gaydar on British guys. It just can’t be done!

 

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12 Comments

  • hf2hvit

    He may not be GAY but he sure looks QUEER

  • Mr. Enemabag Jones

    If he’s not gay, he’s on his way!

    I’m going to say bisexual. The kind of bi guy who steps up and gives his buddies blowjobs when their girls won’t.

  • Superman

    Ironically, he looks the most masculine in the French maid uniform.

  • Taliaferro

    Is is just me or is there a real seedy quality about the surroundings of all the photos? I mean look at Number 6 the bottle in hand and the basin at his feet – is he expecting to hurl from too much drink? At that chair in the background! None of the shots show any “dandy style” at all. Methinks the men of Britain are fraying around the edges.

  • Mofdgheb

    Gay or not, he looks grotesque.

  • Brian

    Maybe Mr. Middleton is into men on the side. Most straight-identifying guys are. I said the side, not the rear, Louise.

  • Fidelio

    @Mofdgheb: lol – I was going to say I didn’t find him attractive, but grotesque seems legit.

  • Badger88

    @Fidelio: In some of the pictures, he looks relatively average, but he does look downright hideous in Photo 8.

  • queertypie

    Right; metrosexual men dress up in french maid outfits, blow dry their pubes, pose in butt buggering photos, photograph in polka dotted dresses, etc. He just hasn’t found his gay niche yet. He looks like he’d be fun at a KiKi!

  • jar

    @queertypie: He’s English. It’s impossible to tell who’s straight or gay there. I lived there for a few years. The first two weeks in the office, I thought: they can’t all be gay, can they? As I got to know them, I realized that they were at least odd about their sexuality- and a few of them at least had a history of gay romps. Frankly, English sexuality is completely incomprehensible to me.

  • queertypie

    @jar: Yes, the English are an “odd lot”. I don’t know much about LGBT life in England to make a true assessment of that issue, but on one hand, they seem much more tolerant of LGBT and on the other hand, homosexuality was spoken of as “The love that dare not speak it’s name”. Bravo Ocscar Wilde.

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