Kelly Rowland Goes Searching For Whales, Gets Lost At Sea

kelly-kelly-rowland-15837957-1920-1200The perilous force of deep ocean waves proved to be no match for former Destiny’s Child backup dancer and coffee-runner Kelly Rowland, who challenged the almighty Poseidon in a battle of wits this weekend when her privately-chartered boat became lost at sea. And just like that, the margin for making “Survivor” jokes grew by tenfold.

According to reports, the captain of Rowland’s private boat became “disoriented” just 20 miles north of Provincetown once he lost sight of a much larger vessel he was following—a boat carrying tourists that paid to catch a glimpse of Beyoncé’s ego at sea, formally known as a “whale watching tour.”

Distressed by the prospect of being lost at sea without seeing whales for free, Rowland’s captain phoned for help and the group was escorted back to land by the Coast Guard around 11pm. Thankfully, Queen Kelly was unharmed during the traumatic ordeal; the tow boat that came to her rescue posted a grainy photo of her lavish yacht saying she was “just a little shook up.”

Well played, Beyoncé. But you’re going to have to try a little harder to get rid of this Dirty Laundry.

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  • B Damion

    Now…now..now..don’t talk no issshh about Ms..Rowland now. Thats ma girl now! Y’all best leave this destined child alone.

    The poor child was lost at sea. But I always knew that destiny had a plan for this child.
    (all puns-very much intended) lol..I love you girl.

  • ho


    Anyone know how much Beyondce weighs?

  • Eric Auerbach

    @B Damion: Those aren’t puns.

  • Nyruinz

    @B Damion:

    Yes! I am also loving Ms. Rowland this time around. She had me hooked after her superbowl performance.

  • B Damion

    @Eric Auerbach ..O come on. I was feeling so smart too. lol!
    Anyway thank you for the correction.

Comments are closed.