We hope you’re sitting down, because Kellyanne Conway is standing up — for comedy.
Related: 10 things Kellyanne Conway looked like other than a respectable politico at Trump’s inauguration
But if you love a good bellyLOL, you’ll have to take your business elsewhere. A cringeworthy 12-minute “comedy” routine has surfaced from 1998’s “Funniest Celebrity in Washington DC” contest, and it features Conway back when she was working for the Polling Company and known as Kellyanne Fitzpatrick.
When she tells a joke, even the crickets stay mum.
How about we take this to the next level?
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Kellyanne Conway bombing doing standup is going to be our generation's Hitler not getting into art school, isn't it? https://t.co/nksFUVIcbX
— Zach Heltzel (@zachheltzel) January 24, 2017
As you can see below, she’s alarmingly unfunny, and the video will only be of interest to scientists who want to hear what a sonic boom of anti-laughter sounds like.
One joke that succeeds in skirting a single chuckle from the audience: “If Larry King would just have all his ex-wives watch his show, his ratings would triple.”
Related: “14 “alternative facts” for the Trump administration to chew on
Joking about the reason she’s wearing a cast on her foot, she says, “Having just two of his own, Chris Matthews needed someone else’s foot to stick in his mouth.”
Later, she suggests offers it’s because of “that Fred Thompson’s bizarre and kinky foot fetishist.”
Glurp.
Wow this is for sure the darkest timeline for a failed comedian: https://t.co/hs5dVCJEER
— Miranda King (@mirpropaganda) January 24, 2017
Keep in mind those are highlights from the routine.
If you can make it three-fourths through her performance, you’ll see Conway put on a fabulous boa and sing a song she calls “The Pundette Blues.”
So don’t make it three-fourths through her performance.
Watch below:
dwes09
The one thing we can hail Kellyanne for is demonstrating that Women in positions of power can be just as corrupt, just as disingenuous as men. And before the regressives jump in and say “What about Hillary?”; 25 years and millions of dollars have not enabled the right to pin any significant examples of corruption or lying on Hillary (and she was repeatedly rated as the most honest of the entire primary field by several fact checkers). Kellyanne has already been caught in multiple lies, doubled down on those lies and defended the lies of others. Worst, she has become a laughingstock in the first week of the Administration by arguing (poorly) that facts are slippery and variable (that one can advance alternative facts if reality displeases them).
robert_moore
It does demonstrate that fact. I told a coworker that listening to Kellyanne, Spicer, Trump, and his whole gang is like listening to the doublespeak that came out of the Nixon Whitehouse back when I was still concerned about the draft lottery and Vietnam.
I keep reminding people of the decades and money that have produced nothing and other facts that disprove the “lying Hillary” image, but alas, it seems I have no more success than I do proving to Strumpets that Trump is a pathological liar.
Xzamilloh
Looks like two things went in reverse: her hair was better then, and she’s a much better comedian now.
phil_smith
When I heard the “break a leg” joke, I was done. Move along, nothing to see here.
Vince Smetana
I’m not a fan of her, but she looks quite comfortable and her delivery is pretty good.
Believe me, I don’t like admitting that.
greybat
This was back when she still had a leg to stand on!
TomChicago
not funny then, not funny now. As she was doing then, she is still trying to put one over on you with the glib delivery.