conspiracy theories

Kylie Minogue Kills Dogs

When you are a lonely Internet person, sometimes a web forum is the only place you can go to find answers to the universe’s mysteries. Like whether playing a certain Kylie Minogue single will cause your neighbor’s dog to die.

Read Damien pointed us to a forum, where matters of life and death are discussed, including Grace Jones, Danni Minogue, and Janet Jackson. It’s also where user “Vocodr” is nearly certain that playing “Put Your Hands Up” by Kylie Minogue caused the pooch’s demise.

I can’t stand PYHU, so grating. My next door neighbour’s dog died back in July and I will always wonder if it’s because I played Aphrodite. I think PYHU and GOMW killed it.

Which was followed by this update:

I am honestly kinda serious because I’d just got home and was playing it, and the dog was barking like CRAZY through tracks 2 and 3 and I remember thinking, ‘Shut up you stupid mutt, I’m trying to listen to Kylie’s new album.’ And then a couple of days later it was dead. Plus it didn’t usually bark much and the neighbours said the vet couldn’t say what happened to it. Could have been a coincidence but you have to wonder.

And then:

Apparently the doggone experience I described above is not unique. Except the clueless owners of these dogs think their pooches are ‘singing’ to Kylie.

Which means either Kylie Minogue is the anti-Christ (odds: 20:1), or Susan Boyle’s record is going to cause a tsunami (2:1).