conspiracy theories

Kylie Minogue Kills Dogs

When you are a lonely Internet person, sometimes a web forum is the only place you can go to find answers to the universe’s mysteries. Like whether playing a certain Kylie Minogue single will cause your neighbor’s dog to die.

Read Damien pointed us to a Togerland.com forum, where matters of life and death are discussed, including Grace Jones, Danni Minogue, and Janet Jackson. It’s also where user “Vocodr” is nearly certain that playing “Put Your Hands Up” by Kylie Minogue caused the pooch’s demise.

I can’t stand PYHU, so grating. My next door neighbour’s dog died back in July and I will always wonder if it’s because I played Aphrodite. I think PYHU and GOMW killed it.

Which was followed by this update:

I am honestly kinda serious because I’d just got home and was playing it, and the dog was barking like CRAZY through tracks 2 and 3 and I remember thinking, ‘Shut up you stupid mutt, I’m trying to listen to Kylie’s new album.’ And then a couple of days later it was dead. Plus it didn’t usually bark much and the neighbours said the vet couldn’t say what happened to it. Could have been a coincidence but you have to wonder.

And then:

Apparently the doggone experience I described above is not unique. Except the clueless owners of these dogs think their pooches are ‘singing’ to Kylie.

Which means either Kylie Minogue is the anti-Christ (odds: 20:1), or Susan Boyle’s record is going to cause a tsunami (2:1).

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15 Comments

  • InscrutableTed

    I’m more likely to believe Dannii Minogue killed it.

  • Sceth

    Well her music is often annoying. I’d LOVE her to go kill some animal rights activists, though.

  • JTeale

    Time to stop reading Queerty.

  • Eric Henwood-Greer

    As one of the mods on this forum I…. don’t know what to say. But I’ve met some amazing people thanks to the forum, and found out about some awesome (camptastic) music. And nobody there (well mostly) takes anything we post seriously.

  • Seb

    The Togerland are fabulous. Absolute camp bitchfest and every single member is gay except for one British tranny lady.

  • Eric Henwood-Greer

    But is she tranny? One of the deep mysteries of life (at least for us lonely Kylie fans…)

  • Seb

    Yes she is a tranny just like Kylie kills dogs facty x

  • Eric Henwood-Greer

    Just SOO damn glad that my dog already passed away before Aprhodite hit. As long as I don’t have to worry about cats…

  • Mike

    I’m not surprised, love me some Kylie but that album is really harsh on the ears. So was her last one, “X”. She needs to stop with the high pitched screechy vocals and overproduced compressed sound.

  • Stephen

    Wow you have finally stepped over the line on this article Queerty – your site has become total garbage – glad I have Towleroad to read instead of the garbage on here

  • matthewB

    hmm, shoould play aphrodite album in class, maybe it would kill a few annoying class mates lools! but than again, my brother is still alive, so i dont think its doing her killing :S

  • Michael

    That Togerland website is crazy they are all obsessed with La Toya Jackson, Sinitta and other hasbeens or never weres. They hate Kylie because she is a somebody unlike La Toya etc.

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