LEGAL WRANGLING

Larry “Wide Stance” Craig Defends Bathroom Shenanigans As “Official Duties”

Former Idaho Senator and Minnesota-St. Paul International Airport dilettante Larry Craig is using a novel defense in his ongoing dispute with the Federal Election Commission over campaign funds that paid for his legal team to dream up his infamous “wide-stance” defense.

Craig’s argument? Despite how playing footsie with an uncovered cop in an airport bathroom stall might have looked, he is actually allowed to use money from his political war chest on lawyers because—get your smelling salts ready—bathrooms are covered under official government business!

Moreover, there is precedent: According to reports, Craig cites the case of former U.S. Rep. Jim Kolbe of Arizona, who used campaign funds to defend himself against allegations of impropriety with two male pages in 2006.  Back then, the FEC concluded that the legal fees were “ordinary and necessary expenses incurred in connection with his duty as a House member,” and approved using campaign money.

Which got us thinking: If this sort of thing can be expensed, why  bother with the cramped conditions of a bathroom? Get yourself a hotel room!