America’s under attack. No, we’re not talking about Al-Qaeda or some horrific terror organization. It’s much, much worse: lesbians. And not just any old lesbians. Lesbian gangs. Eeks!
Thankfully, Bill O’Reilly and Fox crime analyst Rod Wheeler (!) took to the airwaves last week to warn their fellow Americans of the dyke threat. According to them, groups of lady-loving ladies (and some dudes) are ganging up on innocent straight men, beating them up and destroying our nation’s nascent masculinity. (It’s like Opus The Penguin come to life!)
Besides beating our boys, these fearsome ladies are going into our schools to brainwash new recruits into their dens of violent sin!! Guard your loved ones, friends, for America may never recover from the nightmarish groups, one of which apparently calls themselves “Dykes Taking Over” – a name O’Reilly relays with the perfect blend of relish and venom.
Thanks, Billy Boy. If it weren’t for you, we would continue living our lives accepting lesbians. And that would be worse than anything bin Laden could dream up…