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Lesbian-ish Painting Sends Museum Patron/CIA Agent Into Violent Fury

Susan Burns had to violently attack artist Paul Gauguin’s 1899 painting “Two Tahitian Women” because, duh, showing two women in states of undress is “very homosexual.” That’s what the self-proclaimed CIA agent told authorities after they detained her when she struck a blow to the $80 million painting that’s hanging at Washington D.C.’s National Gallery of Art. (It’s on loan, eek!)

The work is “very homosexual. I was trying to remove it,” said Burns according to the criminal complaint filed against her. “I think it should be burned … I am from the American CIA and I have a radio in my head. I am going to kill you.” Luckily, the radio in her head did not order her to act on the kill order, so nobody died. And so much for her secret agent training: Burns was tackled by another museum patron who saw her freaking on on the 112-year-old piece, which appears to be undamaged and will be back on display today.

Now just imagine if Burns realized a few blocks away, a whole crapload of gay paintings were hanging at the National Portrait Gallery.