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stage fright

Levi Johnston Is Worried About His Size. We’re Concerned About His Jungle Nest


It gives us the sads to hear Levi Johnston is worried that he may not stack up well enough for his Playgirl shoot.

Listen, us men all get stage fright. The first time we strip down with another dude, we wonder whether he’ll compare us to the guys in the porn we happen to be watching. Or if he’ll recognize us from it. Of course, we’ve never posed naked for a national pornographic (web) publication, but nobody has asked us, either.

Despite the rumors about Levi’s shortcomings scare, Johnston’s manager Tank Jones says, “We haven’t had any discussions of that nature at all.” Which only means Levi and Tank don’t talk about the length and girth of his cock very much — something, we’ve been told, isn’t all that abnormal among heterosexuals.

But no matter whether it’s long and skinny, short and fat, cut or uncut, or somewhere in between, all that we care about, Levi, is that you’re well manicured. Don’t give us hairy balls, okay?

On:           Nov 5, 2009
Tagged: , , ,
    • Distingué Traces

      Good lord, you awful homosexuals, do not try to make that poor young man shave his scrotum!


      Nov 5, 2009 at 11:46 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • dvlaries

      Shhh, baby. Don’t give almost-mom-in-law any ammo to gloat. No matter what it looks, Levi, we like you better than her.

      Nov 5, 2009 at 11:48 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Rowen

      Can we shut up about Levi Johnston for a while? It’s been about 16 minutes, and it’s not like the kid has actually done something worthwhile.

      Nov 5, 2009 at 12:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Fitz

      Taking off your clothes should be about joy, not fear. :(

      And, personally, I like nice hairy balls.

      Nov 5, 2009 at 12:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Cam

      Bored with overly waxed men, thank god the Brit Mags are showing guys with a little evidence they’ve gone through puberty.

      Nov 5, 2009 at 12:16 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Shawn

      Pubic hair is just gross…so says most of my young friends (and me)

      Nov 5, 2009 at 12:32 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Fitz

      Shawn, are most of your young friends 9 years old?

      Nov 5, 2009 at 12:36 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Aaron

      Speak for yourself…shaving down is so 90’s!

      Nov 5, 2009 at 12:49 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • natt

      Stay natural!

      Nov 5, 2009 at 12:58 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mike

      No. 3 Rowan, making Sarah Palin as uncomfortable as he has is doing plenty.

      Nov 5, 2009 at 1:09 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • RJ

      Ugh. This is a studid story, of course. But since it was brought up … personally, I like men; men have hair; do the math! If I wanted all smooth and “cleaned” up, I’d be with a woman.

      Nov 5, 2009 at 1:13 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Mike L.

      Maybe someone should send a copy of his edition of playgirl to the Palin’s home that would be a funny prank.

      Nov 5, 2009 at 1:21 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tom D Frog

      I hope the balls are hairy and the surrounding bush is trimmed but present. Shaved is just gross. An Alaskan Man should look manly.

      That said, I don’t care how big or small any of it is. He is adorable just plain and simple.


      Nov 5, 2009 at 2:34 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Bob R

      I suspect Levi is average and uncut and hope free of “manscaping”. But I wouldn’t be surprised to find his “Johnson” is enhanced by airbrushing or even a “prosthetic”, perhaps the one James Franco used in MILK. I hope he doesn’t go that route, but I wouldn’t be shocked if he did. Disappointed, to be sure, but not surprised.

      I hope he proves to be nothing more than the average boy next door and is not sporting some grotesquely huge appendage that everyone expects to see on the typical porn star. I hope Levi keeps it real and natural, he’s a nice looking kid, although not very educated, and if he can earn six figures showing his wares, I hope it’s an honest display and not a fraud or a hoax.

      Nov 5, 2009 at 3:30 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • jimmy

      I’m happy to serve as his fluffer!

      Nov 5, 2009 at 5:27 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • *J_C*

      lol fluffer

      Nov 5, 2009 at 5:42 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Michael Letterman

      I swear you fags are unbelieveable, the crap you find to worry about.

      Nov 5, 2009 at 7:47 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • mm

      Oh you anti-fur queens are so prissy. dont go assuming you speak for everyone. Show me a manly bush for fucks sake.

      Nov 5, 2009 at 9:11 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • terrwill

      Gee how did that story appear in the NY Post (aka rightwing-nutbag bible)??? nothing but an effort by Scarah Pallins flacks to prevent Levi from showing the pee pee that impregnated Bristol………

      Nov 5, 2009 at 10:14 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tylertime

      Shaving and waxing is wrong. if i wanted that i would date women. nothing worse than pulling a guy’s pants down and finding he is trying to look like a 9 year old boy or the hair he does have has been shaped into a topiary garden or made to look like hitler’s mustache.

      Nov 5, 2009 at 11:10 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Larry

      Look, I’m a bottom, and I don’t care what size he is. He’s hot, and that’s all that matters to me! That said, it’d be even hotter if he’s uncut, and I actually like hairy balls. I don’t mind guys trimming their pubic hair, but I can’t stand the pre-pubescent look that’s been going around.

      Nov 5, 2009 at 11:17 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • gaye-dood

      the tide is turning men. a nice bush is where it’s at. shaved cocks is for 18-21 year olds, and not for anyone in-the-know. but, i’m still in agreement, no excuse for hairy balls.

      welcome to the jungle, we’ve got fun and games…..

      Nov 5, 2009 at 11:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • me

      sup MM
      7chan /men/ reprezent

      Nov 6, 2009 at 11:12 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Hammar

      @ # 17 Michael Letterman

      Ain’t it delicious fun? Speculating on the hairy balls of a hunky piece of man-meat? I find that so awfully civilized, you know. God bless America.

      Nov 6, 2009 at 6:20 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Todd

      Shaved or unshaved: The gays did it in the 90’s, now the hetro’s are thinking there trendy and clever by shaving there junk! A dead give away that its hip to have hair! A light trim leaving your body looking natural is the way to go! Men should look like men. Remebr when we didnt have any pubis and couldnt wait for it to grow…well leave it alone my studly gays!! Oh, and I bet Levi will have a beautiful(perfect) body airbrushed, and photoshoped to the nines!!! If hes a grower, when Playgirl is done he’ll be a shower! Looking at porn on the net will make most guys feel small. 50% or more of the photos including amateur shots are enhanced! My sh-long is 8+ and when I’m looking at net porn I wish I had a bigger dick. Then I have to remind myself that even my Grandpa probably could make my Grandmother look like Dolly Parton!! LOL Have a good weekend everyone, Todd

      Nov 7, 2009 at 2:58 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • E

      UGH! If god wanted men to have hair down there, he wouldn’t have shown us how to make stone tools!

      How stupid is that? Keep it natural! He may want to trim it back a bit if braiding were a possibility!

      Wouldn’t that be something? A barbershop that woukd make you look good down there too?

      I’m here for the Clark Gable!

      Dec 11, 2009 at 11:53 pm · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • Tony

      It’s nice to see the majority of you are also sick of this damn shaving trend. I cant stand it. Men are suppose to have pubes. Pubes have been part of mans natural beauty since the start of mankind so why all of a sudden the change? Its unnatural, its feminine, its unattractive. As a gay man I won’t even hook up with a dude who shaves. I have no problem with shaving the balls and ass for sexual reasons, but the bush needs to stay. It helps makes young men especially sexy!

      And don’t get me started about those losers who shave to please others or to make it look bigger.

      Jan 6, 2010 at 3:47 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • huntersam

      HAIR is such a natural thing. Its there (or not) for a reason. Acceptance is the key.

      Jan 25, 2010 at 10:11 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • o.codone

      I always wished I had hairy balls so they wouldn’t be sticking to the rest of my junk and my legs all the time. A nice cushion of hair would be so comfortable. I just have a couple down there, naturally, and I always wanted a nice jungle. Those Arab guys with hair everywhere are not only lucky, they are super comfortable and gorgeous. Probably TMI.

      Jul 3, 2016 at 8:03 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·
    • ArtM

      I’ve never shaved my pubes………..I’m proud to be over 10 and like men over 10 (years old that is…..)

      Sep 11, 2016 at 3:28 am · @ReplyReply to this comment ·

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