There’s a lovely essay up by Euan Burns (above) about his experience coming out of the closet as gay, and then later coming to terms with his place on the Autism spectrum. It’s probably a testament to how far LGBT equality has come that his homosexuality was no big deal — it was disability that presented the real challenge.
As a kid, he writes, he had the usual challenges that kids with Asperger’s often face: social awkwardness, difficulty understanding subtext, attention to unusual details. And one of the most unusual details that he was fixating on, he realized as a teen, was boys. Other guys his age were into women, and he felt even more of an outsider. “The other boys in school gained an overriding interest in girls, while I felt increasingly curious about boys,” he writes. “I remained largely apart.”
College was difficult, and he had to leave for a while. It was then that he came across the symptoms of Autism, and realized that they described him. But he rejected the diagnosis; instead of identifying as gay and disabled, he identified just as gay.
Euan writes:
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Knowing that autism was the cause of that failure didn’t make me hate myself less—it just made me hate autism. I met once with the disability service at university, after I was allowed back in, and it refused any offers of accommodations. After that, I decided I would never mention my autism, never even think about it. It was merely a problem to be overcome. Even relatively accurate depictions of autism emphasized the otherness and tragedy of its “sufferers.” No-one wants to think of themselves that way. Besides, perhaps I wasn’t autistic after all? Maybe it was just a delusion, an excuse? I resolved to forget about it, move forward, and repair my life.
Things started to change for Euan when he met other Autistic people. Here and there, be began to see that the traits that he saw as liabilities were actually normal behaviors — for him. “Autistic people are everywhere. We may not be putting on parades, yet, but we’re not hiding,” he writes.
Check out his full essay for a fascinating peek into his story.
Scribe38
Queerty I love these stories. Nice to see how people overcome challenges.
Mykey
Kudos to him!!!
onthemark
“I met once with the disability service at university, after I was allowed back in, and it refused any offers of accommodations. After that, I decided I would never mention my autism….”
I wonder what accommodations he asked for and was denied? College is much more often the easier part (according to all I read & hear). The WORK world is by far the harder part. But he can find a place to be productive & happy, I wish him well!
karl61058
It is difficult living with autism. I know because a few years ago I was diagnosed with Asperger’s. Because the local university only works with pre-teens, and young adults who are diagnosed with AS, as an aging homosexual I don’t even merit a blip on their radar or meet any of their criteria as someone who is worthy of their limited resources.
The therapist who gave the diagnose, was employed by the local Aid Service Agency, which could not at that time continue paying for someone with such great education and ability-she is a clinical psychologist. It was after 3 or 4 years and near the end of her contract that she could write a detailed diagnosis.
I have no support group or the like here and can’t afford to move anywhere.
There’s more, plenty more.
Thanks for posting this young persons experience. I feel a little less lonely.
volcanic lightning
i signed up just to let you know that my partner happens to be autistic and we’ve been together 20 years. it hasn’t been easy for either of us but there are OUT, mixed neurological spectrum couples out there. hang in there & check out wrongplanet and squarepegs for support xoxox
damon459
I too am in a relationship with someone who is autistic, we have our challenges like any other couple, but we do exist.
onthemark
@karl61058: @volcanic lightning: “& check out wrongplanet and squarepegs” – Also aspiescentral & asperclick
silveroracle
@Scribe38: Agreed.
Poncho Sanchez
It seems like Queerty readers would b more interested in “What It’s Like To Have Fragile X Syndrome and be Gay”, giving that fragile x is similar to autism but sufferers have larger than average testicle size.
Billy Budd
I am bipolar and I struggled for some time until I found the right medication. But after that it was heaven. I am very productive and I have a beautiful boy as my boyfriend. Nowadays it is much easier to overcome these difficulties because of modern medicine.
onthemark
I guess the toughest thing about autism for me is the “prosopagnosia” (face blindness) where I can’t recognize faces. I hate when other people remember ME from 15 or 20 years ago, totally out of context, like on Amtrak or in NYC or something, and I have no fucking idea who they are. I literally want to shut my eyes and hear them TALK for three minutes so I can figure out who the fuck they are! I nod, yeah yeah yeah yeah, and try to be polite. But often, I don’t even figure it out. It’s like a magic trick where other people can see me, but I can’t see them!
@Billy Budd: What the fuck does that have to do with anything?
Billy Budd
@onthemark: Wasn’t this post about disabilities and how people cope with them?
Billy Budd
@onthemark: You are an angry person. Talk about over reaction.
onthemark
@Billy Budd: Nooooooooo… this post is about AUTISM. It’s not for any random bipolar self-centered person to ring in on, about their own stuff that has absolutely nothing to do with autism. Where did you get that idea?
And, Billy, yeah yeah yeah… we’ve all heard you have a boyfriend! We’re all amazed at that incredible fact. Believe me.
Billy Budd
@onthemark: I still think you are over reacting. You’re biased.
onthemark
@Billy Budd: !!! – OK I’m “biased” because I have autism and you don’t. So why are you even commenting here? And you brought up “modern medicine” which is actually pretty offensive in the context of autism. No overreaction. When there is an article about bipolar, comment on that.
Billy Budd
@onthemark: You are biased because you tend to attack me whenever you can. I mentioned modern medicine because it has helped ME. I was talking about MY case.
onthemark
@Billy Budd: Not everything is about you. For instance, this article! Well, at least you didn’t write about Brazilians fucking 14 year old boys as you so often do. 🙂
Billy Budd
@onthemark: You are an angry, bitter person. I don’t know you, but it is clear to me that you are not currently happy with your life. I bet you have suffered a lot in your life. You should try to uncover WHERE your anger is coming from, and stop directing your rage towards and being harsh to other people, especially people who have interests in common with you, such as is the case here at Queerty. You should be making friends here, and not enemies. I have absolutely nothing against you and I hope you will discover that you don’t have to behave in such a way. Love from Brazil.
onthemark
@Billy Budd: “You should be making friends here, and not enemies.”
Same to you. Do you still have no idea WHY people were so annoyed at you a few days ago? There was an article about guys who ALREADY HAD HIV, and you just had to chime in with the very second comment: “condoms and responsibility,” blah blah, (as if nobody had ever heard of condoms before? – but a moot point, anyway, because THEY ALREADY HAD HIV)… and you just had to self-righteously brag about how much better you are than THEM because you’re HIV-neg. And then you actually wondered why several posters were angry with you! Seriously?
And now you chime in on yet another article that has absolutely nothing to do with you, and you make an offensive remark, and you wonder why anyone would be upset!
Billy Budd
@onthemark: Nothing that I wrote here was in the least offensive. I just said I was bipolar and that medication had helped me.
Billy Budd
@onthemark: Try to uncover WHERE your anger is really coming from. It will be illuminating.
onthemark
@Billy Budd: It was offensive and I explained to why it was totally inappropriate to say here. Autism is not something that can be medicated.
I don’t appreciate your smarmy pop psychology and your blaming ME for this (and the others in that HIV thread). You are an extremely rude, self-righteous pr1ck! If you can’t apologize, please just go away.
Billy Budd
@onthemark: You will never repent, I know that. But at least I tried. Love from Brazil.
onthemark
(Sigh.) Well I hope if anyone has anything RELEVANT to say, regarding the actual SUBJECT, they feel welcome to do so!
Probably none of us here consider ourselves “experts” on autism, but some of us live with it and know a few things. I hope a few people reading this find the websites mentioned above to be helpful.
@karl61058: I rarely get to a support group, which is in a big city some distance away. Wish I could go more often! It’s a big production for me to go there. But once in a blue moon, I make it a “big production” – I take the train, see a museum or something, and get to the support group, and thoroughly enjoy it. It’s a great experience even if you can hardly ever do it.
Poncho Sanchez
Will BillyBud and offthemark quit spamming the discussion.
onthemark
@Poncho Sanchez: The “spamming” is over, but why are you blaming ME for this? BillyBudd violated the Queerty comment policy with a totally inappropriate, OFF-TOPIC comment. Perhaps I should have ignored it but then he’d have just thrown in more off-topic drivel as he always does in multiple forums.
Poncho Sanchez
@onthemark: BillyButt is just as responsible, Im not just blaming u!