A 36-year-old bisexual man living with his family in Delhi says “unconventional doesn’t even begin to define my life.”
In an article published by GQ, the anonymous man writes about what it’s like being bisexual in a country where gay sex was still punishable with life in prison just last year when the country’s Supreme Court passed a landmark judgement decriminalizing Section 377.
The man first realized he was attracted to both women and men in 2003, when he was still in college, and it freaked him out at first.
“I had to suddenly face the reality that I wasn’t ‘normal’ anymore,” he writes. “Add to that, I wasn’t even just gay. Being bisexual meant that I was a minority within a minority. How would I deal with that?”
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His girlfriend at the time dumped him the minute he came out to her. And his friends responded with “unfunny remarks” about bisexuals.
“You can enjoy the best of both worlds, was the common one. You can hook up with as many men as you want and then get married to a girl, some suggested. There was a fair bit of ‘it’s a phase’ as well. Basically, no one understood my true self. Most still don’t, even after close to two decades.”
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The man says he continues to struggle with feeling lonely and misunderstood. Dating is especially challenging.
“I’ve been terribly unfortunate in that department,” he writes. “Most men and women I’ve liked, have backed off. … The men worry that eventually I’d want to get married and go for a woman, and the women are scared that I’ll just turn gay.”
His family has also had a hard time accepting him for who he is.
“My parents are still in denial about my sexuality,” he explains. “Yes, even after all these years. They’re quite hopeful that one day, I will go back to being straight–even if that happens when I’m 40, or 50. Talk about optimism!”
He continues, “Even members of the LGBTQ+ community aren’t particularly affable, once they realize you’re not just gay. There are a lot of crusaders for homosexuality but how many bisexuals do you know who’re fighting for their rights?”
Being bisexual, the man notes, really isn’t that strange or difficult to understand. So why do people continue to act like it is?
“Just like a heterosexual person is attracted to the opposite gender, a bisexual person is attracted to both genders. That’s all there is to it.”
He continues, “And for all those who believe that bisexuals are having all the fun, I wish you’d understand just how difficult it is to even go out on a date. Most people turn you down before they’ve even met you because they can’t deal with your orientation. That’s certainly not fun!”
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Rex Huskey
does anyone really f*ing care…really? bi is on the sexual spectrum. queer accommodates all. i’m queer, are you?
Paco
I thought people had the right to define themselves. I’m gay. Not queer.
Queer is an offensive label I grew up with and doesn’t respect the huge differences under our sexual identity umbrella.
Rex Huskey
paco, get over yourself
Paco
You should take your own advice, Rex. Rather than dismissing the feelings the guy has about his own identity and attempting to erase his bisexuality with an inaccurate label.
Aires the Ram
Rex Husky asked: “i’m queer, are you?”
Um, “queer” is an epithetic term used to insult and belittle those perceived to be homosexual. It’s often used when a perceived homosexual person is about to get attacked in some way, either beat up, or having beer bottles slung at them from straight guys in the back of a pickup truck while exiting the only gay bar in town at closing time. So, in answer to your quest, I am not “queer”. Why would I or anyone else say something so self effacing about themselves?
ShiningSex
anyone who says “I’m queer” not “gay” is a total douchebag who doesn’t have balls enough to stand up and say they’re gay.
Queer is an attitude not sexual preference.
It’s a cop out using that word and saying “don’t call me queer”.
I am a gay man and proud of it.
I think all of the ‘newer’ terms being used is also weak.
It’s a cop out and just whiny queens saying “I want to be included, but don’t call me that old term (gay). That’s for old people”.
Sit down and accept that you are gay, bi, straight, or trans.
AydenRodriguez1411
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BradyKing1451
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ShiningSex
Imagine what it is like for GAYS. Obviously a bi man can get “by”, but what about gays?
Aires the Ram
@ShiningSex: Honey, this is a website primarily looked at by homosexual men, and a few others. Do you REALLY THINK, that saying “Imagine what it is like for GAYS”, is something most folks on here really need to “imagine”? Really?
Ginger Tom
“Gay” can easily be a misnomer. Why was that term even thought up in the first place? What’s gay about being Gay? Homosexuality can be many things but why should it just be gay? Straight/Bent? Maybe homosexuals should be called “straight” and heterosexuals “bent.” Perhaps we should just stick to “homosexual.”
darkanser
You almost get the impression that this Bi-guy is introducing himself like “Hi!! I’m bisexual!!”‘ Maybe he should keep that information to himself and date one person at a time — hopefully people who don’t know one another. If you meet a guy you like you’re gay, if it’s a woman then you proceed as if you’re straight. You don’t have to go full disclosure on the first date. Leave that for when it BEGINS to get serious.
lapolo
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