Lobbyist Claims Congressional Support For NFL Gay Ban

american_football_totally_gay-360x268This is apparently real: a Washington D.C. lobbyist named Jack Burkman is actually, really, un-ironically pushing a bill to ban gay people from the NFL. For real.

How exactly would this work? What’s the penalty for being gay in the NFL? Are they going to throw gay players in jail or what? And why just the NFL? If you’re such a bigot why don’t you care about gay people in baseball and tennis and saunas and doctor’s offices?

And why are gay people the source of his moral outrage? Why not smoking, or dogfighting, or spitting in public, or domestic abuse? All of those things are pretty objectionable, some more than others.

This joker claims to have legislator support, really, but won’t identify a single lawmaker who actually backs the bill. He probably doesn’t have any. “I could but I won’t… to protect their privacy,” he said. Uh huh.

Reporters have been needling him non-stop to identify one member of Congress who supports this effort. So far, all he’ll say is that they exist, but he won’t name them.

So is this guy really real? Yes, apparently. There is no indication that he is an actor hired by some hidden camera Comedy Central show. He really is an actual lobbyist with an actual business in Washington DC.

And now everyone knows that he exists. Good job, Jack.