There’s a lot of drama in store for the core Looking characters this week including poor Dom, who’s really at a crossroads as he tries to change careers as his 40th birthday approaches. “At 40, Grindr Sends You A Death Certificate,” Dom (persuasively played by Murray Bartlett) announces to Lynn (Scott Bakula). The burgeoning romance between Patrick (Jonathan Groff) and Ritchie (Raul Castillo) will also face even more obstacles as it’s met with the disapproval of Agustín (Frankie J. Alvarez), who accuses his former roommate of dating beneath him.
Looking airs on HBO Sunday nights at 10:30 p.m. Watch the preview below.
Sweet Boy
Grindr is for dumb people who believe they will be 23 for the rest of their lives…until reality slaps them on the face
tardis
Although I’m having my fun now, for me personally, I don’t want to reach 40 and still be posting looking ads on Grindr. I don’t know, I’m not at all trying to be judgmental, and I know this is going to come off as judgmental, but the thought of being a old man living the life of a 22 year old is somewhat depressing. That’s just me, though.
dougmc92
Augustin is looking into becoming a male prostitute- or at least following 1 around….the shows getting like Glee- not keeping their story lines straight.
Stache1
@tardis: Sweetie when someone starts off a sentence with “I’m not at all trying to be judgmental” it’s almost always followed up with something judgmental.
tardis
@Stache1: Yeah, I know. In my defense, that’s why I stated: “and I know this is going to come off as judgmental.” And I also said, “for me personally,” as in pertaining to me only.
Still douchey, and I apologize, but I can’t deny I don’t feel that way.
Arkansassy
Anyone have a spoiler on when Patrick gets hit by a falling satellite?
samwise343
@tardis: I wouldn’t worry about seeming judgemental. What 40 or 50 or 60 something is gonna care about others being judgemental if he’s dating a twentysomething.?
Tookietookie123
As a person who turned 18 a few months ago, I was already asked by a 35 year old if I wanted to prostitute myself at the tune of $500 dollars a week, I immediately said no. You couldn’t buy my body or affection for millions a day, I’m sorry but I just care about myself too much to do that. I find it sad that someone almost middle aged has to buy affection. You spend so long hooking up and life’s opportunities just fly by you.
QJ201
Another indication that this show is NOT based in any way on reality.
Since I turned 40 my Grindr is blowing up with under 30 guys looking for daddy to fuck them. Seriously.
viveutvivas
@tardis, lol, so you think 40 is old? How do you plan to meet people when you are 40 and single, if not online, since I suppose you think 40-somethings should not show their face in a bar or club either?
viveutvivas
@QJ201, I know it, what’s it with all the 20-somethings coming on to us? It’s a deluge. And yet there are no eligible men over 35 around here.
tardis
@samwise343: good point!
@viveutvivas: No, 40 isn’t old, nor is 50. I’m saying, I don’t want to reach 40 and still be living like a 20 year old. Do whatever you want to do, dude. Who am I to say how people should live their lives. I’m talking about me personally. That thought just depresses me in regard to my life. This isn’t a standard I’m holding onto anyone else.
the other Greg
@QJ201: @viveutvivas: Here’s a theory: Today’s insecure gay 20-somethings have “daddy” issues because their helicopter parents were mostly divorced (ah, the glories of heterosexual marriage!), so Daddy was a rather remote, idealized figure who they got used to seeing once a week when he popped up with enthusiasm and some money (ahem, remind you of anything?).
@tardis: So I’m curious what your plan IS. You say what you DON’T want to end up doing, but suppose (for instance) you get to your late 30s and still haven’t found someone compatible. Of course there are many exceptions, but most guys don’t even think seriously until their 30s about settling down. Before that, they may SAY they’re interested because it’s a social convention (i.e. polite bullshit) to say so, but until they get to their 30s they don’t seriously consider it, and then they don’t quite know how to go about it.
MikeE
@tardis: I didn’t meet my husband until I was nearly 40. Trust me, as you hit 30, you won’t think of 30 as “old”. And when you get to 40, you will STILL feel exactly the same way you did at 20-30.
And the strangest thing is, once you hit 50, you will STILL feel the same as when you were 20-30. Sure, things have changed by then, but your own self-image doesn’t. You still see yourself (not literally “see”, but the feeling of who you are) as the same as when you were younger.
Our self-image does not appear to age along with our bodies. We’re aware of the physical changes, some we may actually be unhappy about, but through our own eyes, when we interact with others, most humans still self-identify as the same as when they were in their 20s.
MikeE
@tardis: Just to be clear: this doesn’t mean we aren’t cognizant of ageing.
Simply, that when others say “you’re so old”, we simply don’t feel it. There are others far older than us. We still feel, inside, the same as when we were younger (except that knee… dammit, that knee sure feels old).
the other Greg
@MikeE: Yes… very weird, isn’t it? (my story’s exactly like yours). You put it well!
pierrot
Come on.. if you’re 40 and single, why would you look for a potential partner on Grindr?? Sure there are a few good people there but most people on Grindr are looking for a quick hook up.
I definitely do not want to be 40 and still cruising around for some quick sex. There are other online apps/websites that are geared towards people looking for a more meaningful relationship.
Fang2012
@tardis:
As a 20-something grindr frequenter in a long term (open) relationship, I hope I’m still getting a ton of game with hot guys when I’m 40, 50 AND 60! Why is it socially acceptable for young gay men to find sex on the internet but not for middle aged men and older gents? While, biologically speaking, a man’s libido will decrease as he gets older, he still has sexual needs and must go about meeting them in some realistic way. What forum is more appropriate for an older man to find sex? A bathhouse? Church?
I see at least two issues here: 1) younger gay men stigmatize older gay men solely because of their age. I don’t think I have to go into the issue any deeper, because that’s what it is. There is nothing inherently more acceptable for younger gay men to find sex on the internet and nothing inherently less acceptable for older men to do so. The behavior is the same and all adults have sexual needs. And 2) young gay people have grown up during a time when being gay has reached a level of social approval and our relationship goals are therefore modeled after heterosexual couples. The advent of gay marriage has made “stable,” monogamy the pinnacle of success, whereas in the past, relationships were negotiated contracts. My guess is that you hope to be in a monogamous relationship in your 40s so you don’t have to seek sex on the internet. Well, not everyone does. So instead of judging people with different behaviors and standards–just realize what it is: diversity of our community.
Gay men have prized sexual adventure for a long time. We still do! Let’s celebrate our sexual uniqueness and the freedom we have to connect with each other through sex (with people of all ages). Let’s celebrate our ability of sexual self-determination. Let’s stop judging each other! And young gay men, let’s stop stigmatizing our older brothers!!!
MarionPaige
Isn’t Agustín unemployed? He’s unemployed and he (in his own words) can’t even claim to be creative (an artist). So, how exactly does he have the standing to declare that Patrick is slumming by dating the Ritchie? And, maybe I’ve been “tainted” by the inter-racial dynamics of gay life on the east coast but, there is only one “motive” I can think of for why anyone of color would be remotely interested in a boring ass White thang like Patrick.
Fang
@MarionPaige:
Just curious–what motive would that be?
Aromaeus
@MarionPaige: I’m curious as well what motive you have in mind.
viveutvivas
@pierrot, “if you’re 40 and single, why would you look for a potential partner on Grindr?”
First answer me why you would look for a potential partner on Grindr if you are 25 and single. The answer is the same for both.
“There are other online apps/websites that are geared towards people looking for a more meaningful relationship.”
There aren’t really outside the big cities. Grindr/Scruff are really the only game in town in many places. But the deeper question is, why would you disapprove of a 40 year old who wants casual sex and not of a 25 year old? Why do you think 40 year olds should be railroaded into “meaningful” relationships? By the way, some of my most meaningful relationships have been one night stands.
the other Greg
@MarionPaige: Since Richie has his own apt. in SF (? – correct me if I’m wrong) he may be doing well compared to Patrick who if I’m not mistaken needs a new roommate.
viveutvivas
@the other Greg, I don’t know about that. I had a solid family with a good and present father but I was also attracted to older guys when I was younger. It was not economics either. I just found them sexy, specifically the older guys with the “Men at Play” muscular look. They tended to have more muscle on them than my fellow 20-somethings and just seemed much more manly and confident to me.
tardis
@the other Greg: Plan? Yeesh. I’m sort of like the title character, I think. Nothing is sort of going according to plan, and I’m kinda getting desperate. If I had it my way: career, stable relationship and more than anything, I want to be a dad. So, we’ll see if that falls into place. Kinda hoping it will…
Fingers crossed. Gulp.
@MikeE: I have no fear of getting old. I think there’s beauty in older men. I’m not worried about reaching 40, 50 or 60. I’m not worried about losing my figure, although that is one of the downsides of getting old. My hair. I don’t want to lose my hair, though!…but no shame if it happens.
What worries me isn’t getting old, it’s being 50 and having nothing to show for it. It’s being at an age and wondering why you wasted your life doing nothing. It’s being older and still doing young things. And to be fair, that’s a broad statement as there isn’t a proper way to categorize what’s old and young, so I’m fully aware of that, but as I said, I pretty much want to be…stable.
@Fang2012: Oh, please. That’s not what this is about at all. It has nothing to do with a certain age group having socially acceptable privileges. This isn’t about having to go online and look for sex. This is the 21st century, we all live online, don’t we? I’d think this is somewhat of a cultural norm. What I’m saying is that I don’t want to reach an older age and have nothing to show for it. Perhaps my views on relationships are a little conservative and conventional, but I don’t want to be like that 40 year old waiter at all.
Also, to clarify, I clearly stated that these views aren’t projected onto anyone else. Who am I to dictate how others live their lives? To each their own. If banging a stranger every night makes you happy…then have at it. If being in an open relationship works for you then go for it. Just because I don’t want any of that doesn’t mean that I look down on it…it’s just not for me.
Niall
@viveutvivas: It’s simply a matter of how you view yourself instead of speaking for all 25 or 40yr olds. At 25, I’d still be young, still looking to have fun. At 40, I’d think that things like hooking up frequently would have lost their allure to me, and I’d be looking for something more “stable”. So yeah, that’s why at 25 I see myself perusing grindr, but at 40? I hope to God not. if it all works out, that’s just me though
Stache1
@Niall: Hooking up frequently never had an allure to me. It seems that you have this all or nothing view of things. Like I’m going to get as much sex as humanly possible and then settle down into a monogamous relationship by age 40.
Maybe you can have that relationship and still be freaky here and there. Again, I don’t understand this it has to end by this age. What’s going to change in the next decade or so?
Maybe getting older means slowing down on the 24/7 part and learning to relate to others non sexually. Doesn’t mean that it ends but that it’s just not something you frequently feel compulsed to do.
viveutvivas
@tardis, I wish you the best, but you should be careful with tying too much of your self-worth to being stable and settled down in your 40s. Hope this doesn’t happen to you, but lots of people get divorced in their 40s through no real fault of their own and find themselves single again. In fact about 50% of marriages end in divorce, it is that common. It can happen to anyone. It happened to me. If, like I did, you have too much of your identity invested in the fact that you are settled down, something like this can really almost destroy you. You have to base your self-worth in other things.
You may be lucky to never get divorced, but you are going to eventually be losing parents, get health issues, perhaps lose jobs, perhaps fail at a business, and so on. Nobody’s life is ever stable, so if stability is your goal in life, you are bound to end up feeling like a failure. For many people that I have known, life is what happened while they were trying to settle down, and they missed it.
viveutvivas
@Niall, “At 25, I’d still be young, still looking to have fun. At 40, I’d think that things like hooking up frequently would have lost their allure to me, and I’d be looking for something more “stable”. So yeah, that’s why at 25 I see myself perusing grindr, but at 40?”
I can understand that. But people have different trajectories. I was the great romantic who spend my 20s and 30s “settled down” in two stable LTRs, and I never really “had fun” until now. I used to be too skinny then anyway and never got much attention and now I have a better body and I do, so it is a new experience for me. Life doesn’t always turn out the way you planned it but you should make the most of it.
Jake357
I don’t watch this dreck, but I would watch Bartlett and Tovey mow the lawn or play scrabble. Hell yeah.
crowebobby
I’m nine and I don’t ever want to grow disgusting hair and stuff on my body. I can’t understand why people still want to live once that disgusting stuff starts happening to them. But that’s just me.
viveutvivas
@crowebobby, exactly!
Mdterp01
I am so glad I am not one of those gays who thinks 30 is the end. I’m 36 and have never looked or felt better. I can’t wait to have an amazing 40th birthday party. One of my friends who I have more so took under my wing as a little brother is 22 and he thinks 36 is so old. Maybe because I have been “boo’d” up for quite a time and never got much into the Grindr and Manhunt thing and stopped clubbing after college is the reason I’ve never been insecure about aging. I definitely wouldn’t want to be that old dude in the club, but if you are 55 and online trying to hook up or find someone for something serious then more power to you.
Franklin
Guys who are in their 20’s usually don’t want guys who are in their 30’s and 40’s and so on. I mean it’s just a preference right? You can’t help what you like.
MikeE
@tardis: “What worries me isn’t getting old, it’s being 50 and having nothing to show for it. It’s being at an age and wondering why you wasted your life doing nothing. It’s being older and still doing young things. And to be fair, that’s a broad statement as there isn’t a proper way to categorize what’s old and young, so I’m fully aware of that, but as I said, I pretty much want to be…stable.”
Tardis, if your whole life revolves around having sex, then finding a single person to be with, then no matter WHAT you do, once you hit 50 you WILL have wasted your life.
There is so much more to life than finding a partner.
Making something of your life, for example. And that doesn’t require a partner.
Help people, solve world hunger, cure HIV/cancer/the flu…
Give your time, give of your energy, be a real part of a community.
If you hit 50 and your life achievement is “I have a hubby”, then you set the bar WAY too low. No one ever left a mark on this world by simply being in a relationship. In my opinion, if that’s your stated goal in life, then you WILL have wasted your life.
viveutvivas
@Franklin, I get deluged by guys in their 20s, but even if that were not the case I fail to see your point. Are you saying you just don’t want to see older guys even looking for other older guys on the same websites you go?
NateOcean
@QJ201:
Names and addresses or it didn’t happen!
(Print clearly please.)
Franklin
@viveutvivas. Naw, I was just making a point. It’s just funny that lot of people say that same bs I just said when they talking about other qualities like race or weight. “It’s just a preference. You can’t help what you like.” But then they get a little older and start to get a taste of what it’s like to be written off over something superficial and don’t like it. Life is funny like that.
tardis
@MikeE: I probably used the wrong words to make you have that impression, but if I did, let me clarify. Love is a nice thing, it really is, but that’s not my goal in life, to be honest. I just want to be stable. I don’t want to be 50 and still cruising for dudes on grind. That’s just…no. Love is nice, though. I’d love to have a beautiful, loving relationship, though, but that’s not my main goal in life. My main goal in life is to be a dad.
Stache1
@Franklin: I was about ready to come down on you till I saw what you did there. Yeah, you’re probably right. Age is the great equalizer. The prima donna’s always have the hardest time adjusting to it.
Stache1
@MikeE: Excellent comment Mike.
carolynrdelarosa
my neighbor’s mother-in-law makes $75 /hour on the internet . She has been out of a job for nine months but last month her income was $18167 just working on the internet for a few hours. browse around this website………. http://x.co/3x3ap
pierrot
@viveutvivas:
“First answer me why you would look for a potential partner on Grindr if you are 25 and single. The answer is the same for both.”
No, no one should look for a potential partner on Grindr no matter what his age is. Like I said, there may be a few people there who are looking for a serious meaningful relationship, but most people on that app are just looking for sex. So if you’re looking for a quick hook up, then go for it. If you’re looking to settle down with someone, the chances of finding that guy on Grindr is pretty slim.
“There aren’t really outside the big cities. Grindr/Scruff are really the only game in town in many places.”
Well, that’s unfortunate. However, the world is a BIG place and there is so much out there. Why not step out of your comfort zone? It’s easier than you think.
“But the deeper question is, why would you disapprove of a 40 year old who wants casual sex and not of a 25 year old? Why do you think 40 year olds should be railroaded into “meaningful” relationships? By the way, some of my most meaningful relationships have been one night stands.”
No disapproving there on my part. Anyone of any age can have casual sex all they want. I’m just saying for myself, I wish by the time I reach 40, I would have settled down with someone so that I won’t be perusing online to find sexual gratification. But like you said, anyone’s life trajectory can turn out differently than what he planned. We can only wish the best for everyone, right?
viveutvivas
@pierrot, “However, the world is a BIG place and there is so much out there. Why not step out of your comfort zone? It’s easier than you think.”
I am open to suggestions, because I don’t find it easy. I haven’t had one date in 4 years mostly because I haven’t met one gay guy in my everyday life during this time. People over 35 around here don’t go out and/or are mostly taken. Casual sex on hookup apps with is basically all I have access to. The last gay coffee shop closed 5 years ago. And the book club and coffee group are pretty much fat older men who are very nice but whom I have very little in common with.
Darling Nikki
The main problem of this show is that it revolves around Patrick. Period.
He is unrelatable.
Niall
@Stache1: Yes I feel like at 25, I’ve still got my youth and my strength and probably my beauty, seeing how shallow the gay community is, it’s the time to try stuff. At 40 and being older, I do think I’d have settled down into something monogamous(not a marriage and kids), which precludes any sort of “freakiness” outside the relationship barring any thing that might arise that’d need that. Sure, it doesn’t have to end for everyone at 40, but like I said, i’d like to have something committed and stable at that age, which would mean nothing is most likely going to happen outside the relationship. It’s not like I’m gonna turn 40 and at midnight I’ll be like “okay, had my last hook-up, setting down time!”, it’s obviously something that I think would have been gradual, but at 40, it should be done. Idk, maybe if I was still single at 40, I could see myself hooking up, but in my mind, it’s not where I see myself.
Stache1
@viveutvivas: Baby that’s just sad. I listen to my friend back in PA talk about the same situation. It’s not easy finding 40 something guys in his area. He’s all but given up.
I live in LA myself so it’s probably not as difficult for me. I’m looking for guys in their 30s and 40s. I think the social apps work fine. Manhunt, Adam4adam, etc. You get what you put into it so to speak. Everyone with few exceptions that I’ve gotten together with I still see here and there. Not to mention 2 good friends from it. I think allot of these younger guys just associate it with quick hook ups because that’s all they’re doing themselves. It reflects what you want.
Although, I would never do Grindr. No good way to get to know them first other then their anatomy. That would’ve suited me better when I was in my twenties.
TVC 15
In Chicago, one of our bars (not in Boystown) has a monthly party called “D.I.L.F” for guys 35 and over. Mostly, it tends to be full of guys in the 30-50 range.
It’s a lot of fun, and very social. I think a lot of guys in that age group have realized what a waste online/apps are, and are re-discovering that it’s fun to just go out and mingle in real life. I certainly have.
pierrot
@viveutvivas: Unfortunately there is no one easy formula but keep trying! I joined OKC a few months ago and went on dates with guys in my area. Unfortunately I didn’t really click with anyone or they weren’t interested in me. I then decided to message others in a different state or even country, and then I met someone whom I’m currently dating. Long distance relationship is hard but sometimes you got to cast a wider net to get what you’re looking for. Best of luck to you!