Lost Gay Relationships We’d Move an Island To See

0000039619_20070509125838After a nine month break, the island is back (wherever, whenever the hell it is), with Lost‘s new season premiering tonight on ABC. While just about anything can happen on the island (four-toed statues, polar bears, creepy fathers, etc.), the one thing we haven’t seen enough of is gay story lines. Just about everyone has hooked up with everyone at one point or another, but the only gay romance we’ve had in five seasons of the show was between baddie (or sort-of baddie, who knows anymore?) “Mr Friendly” and his Latin boyfriend, who lives off the island. Or did, seeing as he’s now (possibly, who knows?) dead.

Here are the gay romances we’d like to see on the show. Mild spoilers ahead.

Kate & Ana Lucia
We always hoped that kick-ass tailie Anna Lucia was playing for our team, probably as a bisexual, but Michael went and shot her and now she’s dead. Fortunately, “death” is a really vague term on Lost and with a growing number of the cast making appearances in the afterlife, what we would really like to see is some Ghost Ana Lucia-Kate action. As you know, Kate made it off the island last season and is now living, miserably (as Lost characters are wont to do) in California, raising Claire’s son, while occasionally being haunted by Ghost Claire. The plotline we’d like to see is for Ghost Ana Lucia to kick Ghost Claire’s ass and then declare her immortal love to Kate. The happy mixed-corporeal couple would then join in a Prop. 8 protest and demand their right to be married– amending the “’til death do us part” bit from their vows.

Tom aka “Mr. Friendly” & Sawyer
While we’d hate to break-up Mr. Friendly’s New York relationship, now that he’s dead, we think he should pursue his murderer, lovable con-artist Sawyer. Both have a gift for gab and with Sawyer on the time-traveling island without his main squeeze Kate, it might be time to open his mind a bit. It’d be like Kiss of the Spiderwoman, only instead of being trapped in a brutal South American prison, they’re trapped on a brutal jungle time-space convergence point. Now, I know what you’re saying– Sawyer looks nothing like Raul Julia (though Mr Friendly and William Hurt could be related, no?) and things turn out badly for both Kiss characters, but this is Lost. There are no happy endings.

Keamy and Richard Alpert
If ever there was going to be a hot gay couple on Lost, we’d want it to be between Boatie bad-guy (who we are pretty sure is actually bad) and ageless Other Richard Alpert. It’s a purely physical thing here: Martin Keamy is Morning Goods-pretty and Richard Alpert is a smoky, dark, sugar Daddy who’s at least 60 years old, despite looking like, well Nestor Carbonell. Yes, yes- Keamy is dead, but as we’ve established on the Island, that’s not a problem. The two of them could redecorate redecorate Jacob’s cabin and invite the survivors of Oceanic 815 to a weekly brunch. When and if the Oceanic Five make their way back to the Island, everyone will have settled down, accepted their variably shifting mortal coils and you know, ritually sacrifice Jack for being such a pompous, unlovable dick.

Who would you like to see shack up on Lost? Any predictions for the new season?