Conspiracy nuttery

Louis Tomlinson finally comes clean about those Harry Styles gay rumors

They weren’t real. They weren’t anything you should even concern yourself with. Now go listen to “Story of My Life” and STFU.

In not so many words, that’s what Louis Tomlinson is emphatically stating regarding long-standing rumors that he and bandmate Harry Styles were ensnared in some sort of extremely sexy gay male relationship that fans awkwardly called “Larry Stylinson”.

Related: One Direction Members Louis Tomlinson and Harry Styles Poo-Poo Gay Rumors

At this juncture, it’s hard to say where anyone got these ridiculous notions.

Talking to The Sun, Tomlinson says:

“I’ve never actually been asked about it directly. It’s a funny thing. It kind of happened naturally for me and Harry because a certain amount of the fans drew up this conspiracy. When it first came around I was with Eleanor, and it actually felt a little bit disrespectful to Eleanor, who is my girlfriend now.

I’m so protective over things like that, about the people I love. So it created this atmosphere between the two of us where everyone was looking into everything we did. It took away the vibe you get off anyone. It made everything a little bit more unapproachable. I think [what’s happened since] shows that it was never anything ‘real’ if I can use that word.”

Avoiding eye contact. Touching one’s face. Defensively shaking one’s head. Rolling eyes. Smiling tightly. Putting an object between you and the interrogator (a la flowers.) According to body language experts, these are all surefire signals that somebody is actually telling the unvarnished truth, and we believe Tomlinson, and so should you.

This is also body language that suggests a person with nothing to hide:

He previously touched upon these longstanding rumors thus:

“This is a subject that was funny at first but now is actually hard to deal with in a relationship,” says Tomlinson, 21, now dating 20-year-old model Eleanor Calder. “Me and Harry are best friends, people look into our every move—it is actually affecting the way me and Harry are in public. We want to joke around, but there seems to be a different rumor every time we do anything. I act the same way with Harry as I do [with] any of the other boys and my childhood friend Stan.”

Watch the entire interview here with your beady, omniscient hawk eyes: