Breaking up is hard to do, including, evidently, breaking up with dating apps.
In a HuffPo essay titled I Love My Boyfriend, But I Miss The Thrill Of Dating Apps, writer Timothy Gallagher says there’s a part of him that will always have a fondness for the apps.
Prior to meeting his current boyfriend, Gallagher says Grindr was “a central part of my day as routine as brushing my teeth… if I brushed my teeth every 20 minutes.”
“Checking dating apps was ritualistic and impulsive and undoubtedly provided me with a sense of validation and sexual gratification,” he writes.
After he and his boyfriend made things official nine months ago, he deleted the app, assuming he didn’t need it anymore.
“The old thrill I got from checking them had slowly dissipated,” he writes, “not just because I was having regular sex but also because our relationship contains all the things I got from the apps anyway, and a lot of things I didn’t besides.”
Lately, however, he’s been feeling like he’s missing out on something. But why when he’s in a happy committed relationship?
Doctors have long warned that dating apps can be addictive. In a 2017 interview with an interview with the Curious Mail, Dr. Wendell Rosevear explained, “People are becoming more reliant on social media and app connection. They are desperately wanting short, anonymous connection to alleviate that need to have a sense of belonging.”
Gallagher says it’s not about anonymous sex. For him, it’s something deeper and more soulful than that.
“Dating apps, for me at least, were never about purely hooking up,” he explains. “They were about connecting with other queer men; a way of reaching out to the wider community and establishing connections using the sole medium where I knew everyone there was like me.”
He continues, “I owe a lot to the apps and in some ways, they’ve shaped my life, I see the years on them as a journey of self-discovery where I gained a lot of things I liked–attention, sex and validation – and realized what I needed: security, emotional intimacy and respect).”
Now that he’s officially off the apps, he views them sort of like he views his ex-boyfriends.
“Like all the clichés about learning something from every failed relationship, I learned a lot from my relationship with dating apps,” he concludes. “And for that I’ll always miss them like an ex.”
What do you think? Does Grindr offer more than just sex? Sound off in the comments section below…
Chrisk
Umm..maybe he’s just really horny and wants to sew his oats with lots of different dicks. It happens sometimes.
Doctor Benway
“Dating apps, for me at least, were never about purely hooking up,” he explains. “They were about connecting with other queer men; a way of reaching out to the wider community and establishing connections using the sole medium where I knew everyone there was like me.”
So basically, he is the kind of guy who is defined by his sexuality. The worst.
Heywood Jablowme
As Pee Wee Herman might say: “If you love Grindr so much, why don’t you marry it?”
WashDrySpin
Look you can love your boyfriend and Grindr but your boyfriend does not have to put up with being in the middle of your immature/selfish behaviors
[email protected]
I love my partner. My partner loves me. We both like Grindr. We don’t have any problems. I don’t have a problem if he hooks up, has sex, does sexting, or likes the company of other men. We’re gay men. It’s what we like. If it’s what you like, find someone else who does. If it’s not what you like, find someone else who doesn’t. Know yourself and be honest. It’s a great path to happiness.
Cam
“””Lately, however, he’s been feeling like he’s missing out on something. But why when he’s in a happy committed relationship?
Gallagher says it’s not about anonymous sex. For him, it’s something deeper and more soulful than that.
“Dating apps, for me at least, were never about purely hooking up,” he explains. “They were about connecting with other queer men; a way of reaching out to the wider community and establishing connections using the sole medium where I knew everyone there was like me.”””””
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Oh My God, if the guy can’t even be honest with himself then there’s no reason to go into it. Stop trying to find ridiculous justification. He wants to hook up but doesn’t want to admit that’s who he is so is lying to himself and claiming Grindr is about a connection with other “Queer men”. Sorry cupcake, if that was what you wanted, you would join a gay team/church/club etc….
PLAYS WELL WITH OTHERS
Really not too sure he is fully understanding the definition of “committed relationship”. ..
Creamsicle
I can see this being an issue if your ONLY gay community is your grindr hookups. That’s what makes this disappearance of queer spaces so sad.
Of course, he could have started a local queer facebook group, book club, or wine mixer. But that’s a lot more work with less guys assuming that sex is on the table as well. That might not be as validating as just hopping on an app and being told you’re hot.