Size queen

Madonna: “Size matters, don’t pretend that it doesn’t!”


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Madonna, it seems, is a size queen. At least, that’s what she’s informed her British fans.

The singer’s Madame X tour has reached London this week – much to the relief of ticket holders. The 61-year-old has been plagued with health problems during the tour, leading to ten dates being cancelled.

This included the first of her 14 nights at the London Palladium, but she bounced back on Wednesday evening.

During part of the Madame X show, Madonna, 61, takes a break from singing to enjoy some banter with the audience. For her first London show, it turned decidedly lewd.

Related: Madonna posts cryptic message on social media following yet another concert cancellation

“What do you call a man with a small penis?” the singer asked the audience. “The answer is, I wouldn’t f**king know. I’ve never been with a guy with a small d**k. You know size matters, don’t pretend that it doesn’t!”

Madonna’s past lovers include husbands Sean Penn and Guy Ritchie, actor Warren Beatty, singer Vanilla Ice and model Tony Ward. She’s rumored to be currently dating one of her backing dancers, Ahlamalik Williams, 25.

One might ask – if she’s never had a lover with a small dick – how she would know that size matters, but let’s not analyze things too much…

It wasn’t the evening’s only moment of sexual innuendo. At another point in the show, she asked for a chair to be brought out to the stage so she could sit down.

“Usually I kneel for about 20 minutes and that’s fine. I’m good at it, so I’ve been told.” she quipped.

Demonstrating she knows her audience well, she also joked about trawling Grindr when she needs to find herself a new assistant.

After grabbing a beer from one audience member, she said, “There you go, we have just shared STDs.”

She also referred to the fact that when she married former husband Ritchie and relocated to England, her accent changed – something she didn’t realize at the time.

“I didn’t know what anyone was talking about until I heard old interviews of myself. And then I was horrified and flabbergasted. Why did you let me do that to myself?

“It’s all Guy Ritchie’s fault. He made me to it.”

The show received generally positive reviews. The Independent called it an “eyeball-twisting audiovisual assault with more action than a Marvel movie.” PinkNews said the “incredible” show “lived up to the hype.”

Related: A Madonna fan is suing her for starting her concerts late

Besides the quality of the performance, fans were also relieved the singer turned up on time. Some attendees at previous shows have complained that she has hit the stage over two hours late on some occasions, leading one disgruntled fan to recently attempt to sue the singer.

In London, the performance began just 20 minutes after the advertised show time. She told the audience she was under a curfew: Westminster council, which oversees the area where the Palladium’s located, warned her that if she went beyond 11pm, she’d be fined.

Other venues may wish to take note!