Madonna’s Teenage Daughter Slays, Heads Pack Of Celebrity Offspring Poised To Take Over

Exclusive - Lourdes Leon Supports Gay MarriageI’m sure there are plenty of talented young kids in LaGuardia High School’s latest production of Grease, though none of them are really getting any attention with Madonna‘s legendary DNA hogging the stage.

The singer’s teenage daughter, Lourdes Leon (right) is currently starring in the production as quiche mean girl Betty Rizzo, and according to this audio clip, she’s totally killing it.

In fact, she’s “really good” according to an eyewitness. I’d believe anything from the mouth of an eyewitness, especially when they claim she is also “a great singer, dancer and actress.” A confirmed triple threat!

For the sake of this article, let’s forget the fact that descendants of divas can openly pursue their dreams without fear of being too unattractive or poor to succeed. For a moment, let’s also forget that Lourdes carries a maternal gene which naturally allows her to upstage any humans standing nearby. If there’s one important lesson we can learn from hearing Madonna’s daughter belt “There Are Worse Things I Could Do” (and subsequently feeling old because Madonna has a 17-year-old daughter), it’s that celebrity children are the future and it’s about damn time we all got on board with it!

For every photo of a young adult star posted on a website, there are roughly 12 commenters that boldly ask Who the hell is this? or the tried-and-true Why am I supposed to care about this celebrity child? He’s not even gay!

Isn’t it about time you got on a first name basis with these talented celebrity offspring? It may seem like a project at first, but some day, when Lourdes Leon is conquering Broadway and your kids are jamming to Rocco Ritchie’s rap EP, you’ll thank me for introducing you.


Miley Cyrus

If you’re reading this from Mars, allow me to introduce you to Miley Cyrus, drug czar, sex symbol, and daughter of country superstar/former hottie Billy Ray Cyrus. This young queen was easily one of the most talked-about stars of 2013, and arguably the driving force behind the twerking fad that affected everyone from Ellen Degeneres to Taylor Swift. Cyrus blessed the world this year with monster hits “We Can’t Stop” and “Wrecking Ball” from her fourth studio album Bangerz, the best pop album of 2013 (says me). She also inspires straight men everywhere to take their clothes off.


Jack Quaid

The first thing you must know about Jack Quaid is that he’s only been photographed without a shirt twice. It’s a travesty, but what else would you expect from the only child of Meg Ryan and Dennis Quaid? He’s been trained to spot paparazzi since birth!

The second thing you must know about Jack Quaid is that his only claim to fame was a supporting role in The Hunger Games. He played Marvel, a ruthless killer with minimal screen time, and even managed to make a quick appearance in the sequel despite his character being dead. He’s currently enrolled as a theatre major at NYU, so give it a couple years and you’ll be seeing this too-cute face everywhere.


Scott Eastwood

If you’re going to spend an afternoon searching for photos of hot celebrity offspring, focus on Scott Eastwood. Once hailed as Hollywood’s Hottest Son, the 27-year-old gym bunny is an “actor” best known for flaunting his finer assets in a few oft-shirtless photo shoots. You’ll be seeing plenty of this man in 2014, as he’s signed on to co-star with Brad Pitt, Shia LaBeouf and Logan Lerman (another PYT you should know) in Fury.


Willow and Jaden Smith

Bizarre, Creepy” is probably the best way to describe the children of Will and Jada Pinkett Smith. Thanks, Us Weekly!

These kids came storming out of the womb with a specific agenda: To follow in their father’s footsteps and remain relevant in their respective professions for the rest of their natural life. Willow Smith’s greatest contribution to the world thus far has been 2010’s meme-birthing anthem “Whip My Hair“. Her 15-year-old brother Jaden has found a career acting opposite his father and providing Gawker with enough material to last the next 10 years. Needless to say, both are going to blow up in a very big way someday.


Romeo James Beckham

The moment professional footballer/penis envy enabler David Beckham married Posh Spice, the promise of beautiful and incredibly talented children was pretty much implied. Eleven years later, the couple’s second son Romeo James has found work as a Burberry model and future footballer according to his Instagram.


Robin Thicke

The son of Growing Pains‘ Alan Thicke has been making music for more than a decade, but it took a few “rapey” tracks and humping Miley Cyrus at the 2013 Video Music Awards to thrust him into the spotlight. Love it or hate it, “Blurred Lines” was easily the most buzzworthy song of the summer and if God is good, he’ll do it again next year.

Rashida Jones

Rashida Jones

Comedy queen Rashida Jones is the daughter of music industry legend Quincy Jones—this is not news. The 37-year-old has enjoyed increased publicity since starring on The Office and Parks and Recreation, which makes the fact that she doesn’t care about any of the “visible vagina” listed above more relevant than ever. In her free time, Jones enjoys proving she’s better than any other celebrity child.


Lily Allen

Singer/songwriter/actress/badass Lily Allen, daughter of film producer Alison Owen, has enjoyed a certain level of fame without ever breaching “superstar” territory—think of her as a clean Amy Winehouse or more abrasive Lana Del Rey. The 28-year-old just came out of a two-year hiatus and announced plans for a third studio album in 2014. Just this week, she beat out One Direction by topping the UK singles chart with a cover of Keane’s Somewhere Only We Know.

Expect very big things from this woman in 2014.


Liza Minnelli

What? You thought we were going to publish a “famous celebrity children” list without including the incomparable Liza Minnelli? Ha!

It’s safe to say that Ms. Minnelli will always remain a celebrity to watch regardless of age. Most recently, the 67-year-old daughter of Judy Garland played a super gay show for her adoring ‘mos on Fire Island: